What exactly is masking?

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I mask by trying to make eye contact, limiting how much I talk about my special interests, trying to make it look like I'm interested, engaging in small talk, and trying not to stim or at least doing "socially acceptable" or discreet stims. Also I'm not sure if this is masking or not but I'll mimic other people's excitement or tones or gestures. I mask almost all the time in public and also to some degree at home with my family (like I'll talk their ears off about my special interests and I won't gesture but I will attempt to make eye contact and put tone in my voice).

I've hardly ever masked. I was always one of the "weird" or "strange" kids in school. At workplaces I was known as different or odd. I'd try to fit in but after a few weeks, just couldn't sustain it.

My masking throughout life has only been minimal, like smiling or nodding more than I felt comfortable doing, doing it because I felt I had to. Pretending I was interestsed in someone's story. I never fake laughed; just fake smiled, nodding, trying not to appear "too serious." I suppress stimming, but that's no big deal; I do socially acceptable stims (foot flapping, toe curling, light leg movements, teeth clicking (invisible), finger movements, muttering under my breath.

I never had a burnout. I never masked enough to have a burnout, which is the result of longterm, full-on masking.

I can pass as non-autistic to anyone who's not familiar enough with autism and only thinks of it in terms of stereotypical or overtly weird behavior. However, be around me long enough and I come off as quirky, odd, a bit weird, different, blunt, too serious, too analytical, too matter-of-fact, not smiling enough, not enough facial expression, too gruff, too quiet, too straightforward, not good at small-talk, eye contact at times too intense or a fixed stare.

To someone very familiar with autism, they'll pick up on it quickly, depending ont he circumstance and context. Or, they may not notice--again, depending on context.

What I'd like to know is how many other autistic women hardly ever masked full-on? I would never know how to do this, and the idea of mimicking other kids when I was growing up was unthinkable. And copying adult women? SICK, I'd never want to act like them.

I feel like I'm always masking, even at home with the others who are ND and wouldn't really judge. I stop myself from talking to myself. I love talking to myself. I make up songs and rhymes instead.

When masking outside I'm very careful to look like a nice person so people don't have a go at me.

Pretending to be what I'm not, in order to impress people. When I'm with my family, I keep Germany to myself and I pretend to wear the British family name to keep peace with my mum.

Trying to be what you're not so that people won't hate you.