Is it common for some people with autism to hate praise?

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kraftiekortie
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28 Jun 2022, 10:12 am

Yes, praise can be manipulative and all that. If praise and compliments are not sincere, they don't mean much.

I see nothing wrong with complimenting and praising someone for doing a good work, or accomplishing a good or great thing.

People tend to focus on the negative in life these days; this is why there is so much depression out there. Some people would rather receive criticism, no matter how destructive, than a sincere compliment. There is little room, in certain families and situations, for people to mitigate constant criticism with sincere praise.

I've lived with constant criticism and little praise---it was a terrible life. It left me with a sort of PTSD. I can't live in a situation of perfectionism and constant berating. When I see this sort of situation come up, I run for the hills.



CockneyRebel
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28 Jun 2022, 10:07 pm

I only like praise when I feel that I've worked hard enough to earn it. If an ignorant person praises me for something trivial like opening the door for example, I absolutely despise it.


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kraftiekortie
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28 Jun 2022, 10:29 pm

How about if the person just says “thank you?”



CockneyRebel
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29 Jun 2022, 5:06 pm

I like it when the person says thank you.


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babybird
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30 Jun 2022, 11:48 am

I'd rather get a financial reward for a job well done.


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funeralxempire
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07 Jul 2022, 10:15 pm

I like whichever one I'm prepared for and anticipate finding useful.


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funeralxempire
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07 Jul 2022, 10:17 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I only like praise when I feel that I've worked hard enough to earn it. If an ignorant person praises me for something trivial like opening the door for example, I absolutely despise it.


I think they're just expressing appreciation because not everyone does that. I tend to make sure I sound grateful in those cases, not because it's a big deal but because it's not obliged in the slightest.


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catpiecakebutter
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09 Jul 2022, 11:44 pm

I started this thread 2 and a half years ago and I still and will always hate praise. In fact when people praise me and when I've told them I don't like it I get very upset because if I mentioned that I don't like it, they should learn not to do it.



funeralxempire
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09 Jul 2022, 11:50 pm

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I started this thread 2 and a half years ago and I still and will always hate praise. In fact when people praise me and when I've told them I don't like it I get very upset because if I mentioned that I don't like it, they should learn not to do it.


Where's the boundary between praise and just genuinely stating appreciation? Positive and negative feedback are pretty important parts of communication after all.

Especially if things are new (like learning a new task or getting to know someone, etc) that feedback tends to be pretty important, otherwise it's hard to know if things are going well.


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Technic1
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10 Jul 2022, 4:25 am

You ARE a nice person and everyone else is bad/mistreats you.



Dear_one
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10 Jul 2022, 8:33 am

When I was young, I could count on mother approving of most things I did, and father disapproving, so I tuned them both out. Since then, I've learned that some people use praise to try to get cooperation, but that genuine compliments are a good indication of where my efforts have not been futile, and where I might make more progress.



Garthilium
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24 Jul 2022, 1:48 pm

I generally dislike praise I have but I think it is unwarrented. like others baby me and praise my for little things which seem stupid.



ToughDiamond
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26 Jul 2022, 6:59 am

Dear_one wrote:
Praise is general - YOU are good. Compliments are specific - you did that well. I wish I'd not had the Buddhist concern for endangering an ego with inflation and complimented my ex for the the talents she had. She might have kept doing more of what she was good at, and less destruction.

Yes I think when somebody says something good about me, if it's too general then I don't trust it. When somebody backs up their compliment with specifics, that's easier to trust. I don't understand why anybody ever falls for glib ego-feeding. I don't think reinforcing a person's prejudices is healthy, but it seems a lot of people out there can't see that.

I once had a wife who kept getting annoyed with me for not always siding with her. She'd get into a conflict with somebody and give me a story that looked shot through with distortions about how they'd got it in for her, how she was right and they were wrong. I wanted to establish what had really happened as a starting point for figuring out a solution, but all she wanted was for me to take her side whether she was right or not. I just couldn't hold my nose long enough to do that, but I don't regret it.



RoseQ
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28 Jul 2022, 11:28 pm

You might have all moved on from here by now, but this came up with my (undiagnosed but definitely ASD) daughter yesterday, so I would like to comment.
She deflected a compliment I made and I replied that I too dislike compliments (praise) because it creates a precedent to which I feel I may not be able to live up to. I think this comes back to two things: low self esteem and fear of being revealed as a fake! I have read that this 'imposter syndrome' is common to ASDs. I am newly diagnosed - but not newly ASD :D



Earthbound_Alien
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29 Jul 2022, 2:10 am

I'm non plussed