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TomBarclay
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15 Jun 2022, 9:40 pm

I had a bad day at work. I made a mistake that will haunt me for a while. I was able to keep it together until I got home. I hadn't cut in over a year. It was so calming to feel the knife. I just wish I was able to be able to be normal. To be able to bush things off not feel like I am dumb and stupid.


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Dear_one
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15 Jun 2022, 10:54 pm

People who make no mistakes are not usually learning how to improve. When GM contracted with Aerovironment to develop the EV-1, they were very clear about wanting to hear about the mistakes they were paying for along the way. Hiding them would not have prevented them from happening again.

Maybe try something like learning to juggle, where there will be plenty of mistakes that don't matter and nobody else sees.



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16 Jun 2022, 12:40 am

Yeah, that one happens. It's not your fault. It's not dumb and stupid in the context of Autism or anything else that causes emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation is a real symptom of Autism, and self-harm, for good or bad, can provide relief for some of us. It's apparently out of our hands many times. There's a link between those three things. Autism = emotional dyregulation = possible self-harm

It's also overall, fairly common in those with Autism. Self-harm that is, whatever the method.

I just do bruises nowadays, as I once had an accident with a knife one can't take back.



timf
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16 Jun 2022, 6:10 am

When I supervised employees, I would say, "We don't fire people for making mistakes. We fire people who refuse to correct them".

A person can come to see self-harm as providing a sort of soothing sense of control as well as a "payment" of some sort. However, gaining anxiety relief in the short term at the expense of causing problems in the long term may not be an overall healthy strategy.

It may be beneficial to experiment with other forms of anxiety alleviation.



kraftiekortie
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16 Jun 2022, 6:17 am

How will this mistake “haunt you for a while”?

I do this sometimes. I think a mistake is the end of the world—when it really isn’t.



Dear_one
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16 Jun 2022, 6:35 am

About a year into his first job after getting his MA, a technician hooked up a quarter-million dollar instrument wrong and ruined it. He assumed that he would be fired. His boss explained that if that happened, he'd have to advertise the job. He'd get a half-dozen applicants who could probably do the work, but might make the same mistake. He knew that our hero wouldn't do it again.



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16 Jun 2022, 7:14 am

Dear_one wrote:
People who make no mistakes are not usually learning how to improve. When GM contracted with Aerovironment to develop the EV-1, they were very clear about wanting to hear about the mistakes they were paying for along the way. Hiding them would not have prevented them from happening again.

Maybe try something like learning to juggle, where there will be plenty of mistakes that don't matter and nobody else sees.


That is wize as one can improve by finding ways to avoid the situations that cause the mistakes.
One thing I have found that actually creates an enviroment that causes mistakes to be hidden is where a heavy hand comes down from those in seniour positions if one makes a mistake. Of course, safety needs to be the goal here, but sometimes an enviroment only becomes unsafe when there is a fear to speak about situations that one may have done the wrong thing and wants to know what one should have done in that circumstance.... Or that the job has been made impossible to follow the rules without bending them and communication needs to be made putting oneself at risk of exposing wrong doing to correct the situation to put it right. An example is where I would often be in situations where safety was compromised due to strong union input where to me personally, safety of people is far more important than who does what when it comes to a potential serious injury! I remember saying to one employee who said he would call a strike if I touched a sharp jagged piece of glass that people would have stepped on as it was on a stairs that because he has stopped me from picking it up and placing it in the nearby bin (Just a few feet away) because I was not the official staff member delegated for doing it (He was not available for 2 hours), that if one person accidently stepped on it they could claim of the guy stopping me and I will tell them his name and give them his details and be a witness to the event. I won't stand for that union crap! Safety comes first! (I would have sacked him union or not! All he had to do was bend down and pick it up and put it in the bin a few feet away and most union members would agree with me and if unions do not see common sense to prevent a severe injury they should not recieve a penny from their members!)

A company that wants to hear when things go wrong so they can find ways and methods to correct those mistakes, is a company that is going places! Companies that refuse to listen and all avenues are blocked where there is a "Them and us" situation going on between head office and the workers are companies that are not going to succeed as their competition will overtake them, as competing companies will have staff all working together as one well oiled productive and efficient machine and everyone should be included to reap the rewards... I have worked foe companies like that. I have also worked for companies that were the opposite. The good ones I have fond memories of and I speak highly of the managers and the managing directors as they were really great people who stood on behalf of the little guys who worked for them!



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16 Jun 2022, 7:53 am

An alternative to cutting is DBT TIPP

google or check youtube for more info.

One article:

DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY (DBT) DISTRESS TOLERANCE SKILLS: TIPP SKILLS

tipp skills to cope with emotions

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) focuses on teaching patients and families several strategies to help tolerate painful emotions and to manage difficult situations in the best way possible.

We all face situations that are out of our control, that are difficult to tolerate, and that cause us to feel emotionally out of control.

TIPP skills are made for just these types of situations and aim to help you regulate your emotions so that you are better able to think clearly and problem solve.

T stands for Tip The Temperature

In order to calm down quickly, try holding your breath and putting your face in a bowl of cold water or holding a cold pack on your eyes and cheeks for at least 30 seconds. This will cue your mammalian diving reflex which is a natural reflex that occurs in all mammals and is triggered in humans when our faces are submerged in cold water.

The reflex causes our body chemistry to change—heart rate drops down immediately and the parasympathetic nervous system is activated to prompt a relaxation response. Make sure to keep water above 50 degrees Fahrenheit

I stands for Intense Exercise

Try to engage in intensive exercise, even if it’s only for a short amount of time. Exercising intensely will help your body get rid of negative energy that can sometimes be stored from strong emotions.

Get rid of this energy by running, walking at a fast pace, doing jumping jacks, etc. Exercise naturally releases endorphins which will help combat any negative emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness.

P stands for Paced Breathing

Another way to cue your parasympathetic nervous system is to breathe deeply into your stomach. Try to slow down the pace of your inhales and exhales (on average, five to six breaths per minute).

It helps if you try to breathe out more slowly than you breathe in.

The last P in TIPP stands for Paired Muscle Relaxation

It can help if you add muscle relaxation to paced breathing. While breathing deeply and slowly, deeply tense each of your body muscles one by one. Notice this tension and then breathe out and let go of the tension by completely relaxing your muscles. Pay attention to the difference in your body as you tense and let go of each muscle group.

The TIPP skills may not work immediately, but with practice they can help to build up your ability to regulate strong emotions, manage difficult situations, and generally feel better.

It can take some practice and in many cases it helps to work with a DBT therapist to ensure that you are engaging in the skills correctly. Part of DBT can include sessions to focus on breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation to help gain mastery of the skills.

Written by Joshua Rosenthal, PsyD

Source:

https://manhattanpsychologygroup.com/dbt-tipp-skills/


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rse92
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16 Jun 2022, 8:46 am

Dillogic wrote:
Yeah, that one happens. It's not your fault. It's not dumb and stupid in the context of Autism or anything else that causes emotional dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation is a real symptom of Autism, and self-harm, for good or bad, can provide relief for some of us. It's apparently out of our hands many times. There's a link between those three things. Autism = emotional dyregulation = possible self-harm

It's also overall, fairly common in those with Autism. Self-harm that is, whatever the method.

I just do bruises nowadays, as I once had an accident with a knife one can't take back.


Let's just make clear that it is not autism which causes people to cut or otherwise self-harm (up to the point of no return). It is the depression which results from our experiences as autistic people which causes low self esteem and the urge to release the pain through cutting. No one is doomed to harm themselves because of autism.



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16 Jun 2022, 11:59 am

During meltdowns those with autism often self-harm and there's not much control they have over such, whether low to high functioning. Usually hitting themselves, banging their heads on things, biting and/or scratching themselves. Some need to wear protective headwear due to such. I have very much hit my head on things or myself too hard during said events. Little control at all (if any).

Something more deliberate, such as a knife, will be different, albeit the emotional dysregulation that autism causes can be seen as a direct cause of such. Say, feeling overwhelmed to a degree that a normal person wouldn't over specific things. The threshold for such will be lower in many with autism.

Comorbid conditions, of course, but "self-injurious behavior" is a symptom of autism, sadly. It's often not spoken of all that much even though it's quite common.



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16 Jun 2022, 12:47 pm

Tom Barclay. Making mistakes is part of the natural process of learning. If we did not make them we would not learn.

Do not hurt yourself over it. We try to aimto get things right but you are far more important than things. Messing up is something that happens now and then but is not something to be concerned about, and I want to share something with you from my bicycle mechanic experience. A time served experienced bike mechanic does not mean that they don't make mistakes but has learned how to correct those mistakes as and if they happen. A beginner may have been on a training course and have official qualifications coming out of their earholes but it is when things go wrong that the experience bike mechanics have the upper hand as they have simply the experience to know what to do about the mistakes to correct them.



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16 Jun 2022, 8:16 pm

Sorry for your pain (emotional and perhaps now physical). I am familiar with that form of relief from decades past. I discovered a book about EFT (tapping) and that got me through some rough times. Recently I'm doing EMDR to address big feelings and sensory regulation tools. A friend of mine will hold ice cubes rather than harming herself. Another friend has an emergency care box with instructional notes and fidget toys and distractions, etc.

Wishing you find another form of relief.



TomBarclay
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16 Jun 2022, 8:38 pm

[quote="kraftiekortie"]How will this mistake “haunt you for a while”?

I will get the cold shoulder from the owner and other employees. The owner will start to pick my work apart. I was hardly talked with today by anyone.


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TomBarclay
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16 Jun 2022, 8:41 pm

Thank you very much for sharing this information.

Fenn wrote:
An alternative to cutting is DBT TIPP

google or check youtube for more info.

One article:

DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY (DBT) DISTRESS TOLERANCE SKILLS: TIPP SKILLS

tipp skills to cope with emotions

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) focuses on teaching patients and families several strategies to help tolerate painful emotions and to manage difficult situations in the best way possible.

We all face situations that are out of our control, that are difficult to tolerate, and that cause us to feel emotionally out of control.

TIPP skills are made for just these types of situations and aim to help you regulate your emotions so that you are better able to think clearly and problem solve.

T stands for Tip The Temperature

In order to calm down quickly, try holding your breath and putting your face in a bowl of cold water or holding a cold pack on your eyes and cheeks for at least 30 seconds. This will cue your mammalian diving reflex which is a natural reflex that occurs in all mammals and is triggered in humans when our faces are submerged in cold water.

The reflex causes our body chemistry to change—heart rate drops down immediately and the parasympathetic nervous system is activated to prompt a relaxation response. Make sure to keep water above 50 degrees Fahrenheit

I stands for Intense Exercise

Try to engage in intensive exercise, even if it’s only for a short amount of time. Exercising intensely will help your body get rid of negative energy that can sometimes be stored from strong emotions.

Get rid of this energy by running, walking at a fast pace, doing jumping jacks, etc. Exercise naturally releases endorphins which will help combat any negative emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness.

P stands for Paced Breathing

Another way to cue your parasympathetic nervous system is to breathe deeply into your stomach. Try to slow down the pace of your inhales and exhales (on average, five to six breaths per minute).

It helps if you try to breathe out more slowly than you breathe in.

The last P in TIPP stands for Paired Muscle Relaxation

It can help if you add muscle relaxation to paced breathing. While breathing deeply and slowly, deeply tense each of your body muscles one by one. Notice this tension and then breathe out and let go of the tension by completely relaxing your muscles. Pay attention to the difference in your body as you tense and let go of each muscle group.

The TIPP skills may not work immediately, but with practice they can help to build up your ability to regulate strong emotions, manage difficult situations, and generally feel better.

It can take some practice and in many cases it helps to work with a DBT therapist to ensure that you are engaging in the skills correctly. Part of DBT can include sessions to focus on breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation to help gain mastery of the skills.

Written by Joshua Rosenthal, PsyD

Source:

https://manhattanpsychologygroup.com/dbt-tipp-skills/


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shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Jun 2022, 9:39 pm

Not everyone that appears "normal" is "normal"

"Normal" not always a good thing

Not everyone "normal" is able to "brush things off", and if they were, that might not be such a good thing, because it might indicate that they didn't care enough

Feeling "dumb and stupid" doesn't make you dumb and stupid.

Intelligence is (nature versus nurture)

Nobody is perfect

Everyone makes mistakes

Sometimes what is a "mistake" is subjective

_____________________________________

Some coping mechanisms healthier than mutilation:

Meditation

TV

Hobbies

Friends



Next time you make a mistake at work please attempt healthier coping mechanisms, instead of mutilation