Aspies who don't identify with their own kind

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I don't get along with the really dickish ones, which are the only real life ones I seem to have met thus far who call themselves AS. The internet ones seem cool and always have something smart of funny, albeit extremely inappropriate to say, so I think I prefer the internet ones.

As far as the dickishness, I think what I hate about those who embrace their inability to empathize with other people is that this is something I work very hard on. I don't want to be an unempathic monster so I have forced myself to think in a way that puts the feelings and needs of others before my own. While I have repressed that aspect of me, seeing others who embrace themselves fully in that way reminds me of something I have done my best to carve from myself and destroy.

They are a reminder of the monster which lies beneath the locks and chains of my subconcious, I suppose. A reminder I find extremely unpleasent.

I guess that is why I don't get along with certain ones.

I probably could have just said "I ditto Fraya" and saved myself some typing

Thanks for the feedback so far.

I guess I've tended to kind of romanticize and idealize all the autistic culture stuff and imagine most people on the spectrum to be this tribe of kindred spirits who have some kind of shared innate nonverbal language of their own, and are happy to finally find people they can communicate with on their own wavelength and leave the miserable world of narcissism-ridden neurotypicals behind.

But perhaps that's like imagining that all hazel-eyed people are natural kindred spirits.

Tribal identity is largely a cultural thing anyway. A child born to an American family but adopted and raised by Germans would identify with Germans, not Americans. And, of course, the child would speak German, not English, as a first language.

A lot of the common ground among people on the spectrum could just be the shared experience of being misunderstood and mistreated because the NTs around them were cluleless about their unusual ways of seeing the world and what to do about them.

Like Bobert said above, I suppose I identify most with people at about the same level on the spectrum as myself (i.e. can pass as NT on superficial acquaintance). I definitely get on best with people with high IQ's, whether NT or AS (in fact, are there any true NT's with really high IQ's???)

I have found some people I have known with really severe AS very hard to deal with in the past because they have been unable to respect my boundaries, i.e. they invaded my space and did not realise when I wanted to be left alone.

Also, I suppose over the years I have been putting a lot of effort into trying to "fake it" in the NT world and (this sounds awful, sorry) have been afraid that being seen to hang out with other people regarded as "misfits" would only draw the NTs' attention to my own peculiarities, which I was trying to conceal.

So yes, this might well have been a form of denial in myself, because I can in fact relate to those people and get on with them pretty well when I want to. In fact I have a friend at the moment who may well also have AS, although he has a different combination of traits to myself - I find the way he always interprets things so literally very frustrating, since this is one of the few symptoms I do not really have to a significant degree. However, I can make allowances for this and deal with it in a way he understands, e.g. I say "Don't do A, B & C" because if I don't say it, he will do it, however unlikely, because "You never told me not to do C! You only said don't do A & B!" and I say "That's because I never dreamed you would even think about doing C!" Yes, this has happened. More than once. Probably some of you can relate to him!

In return he has to put up with my meltdowns (which he doesn't have at all) and my episodes of rigid thinking. In fact I probably give him a pretty hard time if I'm honest, because I am totally my difficult self with him - he says he likes my directness! It took us ages to get to this point though because at first he just would NOT respect my boundaries at all, and I tried and tried to shake him off without success. Eventually I worked out how to make him understand me.

I identify very little with some people with AS, yet I find myself exhibiting very similar traits they possess. For example, I'm very good at making myself look good, which is unusual, and I was a full time model for quite a while. Somehow, the camera and the strong lights worked as a pleasant barrier between me and others. I feel safe in front of a camera. And I love to see myself in magazines, it's a hoot! However, in social situations, I am painfully shy, it's almost crippling and I often start counting the SECONDS when I go to a gathering, and I'll force myself to stay, say, another 120 seconds, because I'm trying to improve myself a little every day, and having good friends and a decent social life is on my list of things to do. Also, I don't understand how NTs don't process logical subjects. What's there to understand, it's so obvious to me, but not to them, which is another trait many people with AS seem to also share.

I get along with other aspies, just as long as they don't get too blunt with me. I can get along with some NTs too... it really just depends on the personality. My boyfriend (my best friend) is NT with some aspie traits, so he can understand me in a lot of ways that most NTs can't. He doesn't have the social problems I do, so he can be like my "voice" in overwhelming situations. He sees when I am feeling overwhelmed and doesn't get annoyed when I start to get irritated by things that wouldn't normally irritate people. When I shut down don't feel like talking, he knows it instantly and doesn't press the issue until I am ready to talk. He's perfect... I just wish I could get him to scoop the litter boxes more often

I feel like I don't identify with the folks at work (I currently work at a transitional work program for people with disabilities and most of my co-workers have a variety of disabilities) just being around them is exhausting because whenever I try to talk to my boss or have any remotely intellectual conversation with some of the few high functioning level co workers I do have there, I (we) always get interrupted by the lower functioning co workers who want attention at all times. Another thing that bothers me about these co-workers are that barely get anything done and they just stand around or walk around the dish room (which is a small, crammed space with a lot going on anyway)

In times of uncertainty people usually gravitates towards familiarity....

I identify with people who are nice and people who are knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics.

I identify more with aspies than I do with NTs. The avatars of characters and role models I've had over the years have indicated that.