Do any of you feel you don't fit in anywhere?

Page 1 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

catpiecakebutter
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 13 Feb 2020
Gender: Female
Posts: 56

28 Aug 2022, 11:25 pm

Because of my triple diagnosis, of autism, ADHD and borderline personality disorder, am I disabled and mentally ill at the same time? Is bpd a mental illness and is autism and ADHD disabilities? I guess because I'm both disabled and mentally ill I feel I don't fit in either categories very feel. For example I could never make friends in special Olympics because of the borderline personality disorder due to not just being disabled but also mentally ill because I'm not just mental ill but disabled as well. Its like I have crossed wires and I guess feel similar to how some biracial people feel not fitting in. It can be confusing. Anyone else feel this way?



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,559
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

29 Aug 2022, 12:03 am

I feel like a multi-sided die. Sometimes, one of my surfaces is in contact with another, sometimes more, sometimes less. I've been on an edge for almost a year now.



temp1234
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Apr 2022
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,845

29 Aug 2022, 3:12 am

Although I believe that I only have HFA, I feel that I don't fit anywhere. I certain don't fit anywhere in real life such as my work, school etc. I've always been an outcast that everyone laughs/b*****s about and keeps a distance from. I also don't fit in autism communities such as here in WP, either. I did have some hope that I would fit here when I started to observe WP without joining it. However, I soon realized that I wouldn't fit here, either, even before joining. I ended up joining it any way for a certain reason. I feel completely alone. Those WP members that dominate the WP community seem exactly like "NT's" to me. I got used to feeling alone for so long my whole life that now I kind of feel peaceful to be alone and not fit anywhere.



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,559
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

29 Aug 2022, 7:00 am

^^ You may be overestimating the belongingness of the "dominant" members here. Someone recently PM'd me a few names they found problematic, and I didn't recall any of them. There are some other frequent posters I do remember, but never read now.



naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,351
Location: temperate zone

29 Aug 2022, 7:31 am

Who are the "dominant people" on WP?.

The single most aggressively domineering person on WP is a person who displays a conspicuous lack of the...better...traits of NTs.

So you cant mean THAT person.

The next tier down are many high profile folks who post a lot, and have been active a long time, but dont get aggressive (except maybe in political discussions), and who vary widely in temperament. Some of these folks come off as relatively NT in their thinking compared to the rest of the WP population, but not necessarily as NT as the typical NT. In other words "in the kingdom of the blind the one eyed man is king".



klanka
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 31 Mar 2022
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,396
Location: Cardiff, Wales

29 Aug 2022, 7:49 am

Temp 1234 is kind of a generic username and you have no avatar. So your posts wouldn't stick out so much.
I have a general 'feel' of you fitting in here and being a member who is liked. That's just my overall impression



Dear_one
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2008
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,559
Location: Where the Great Plains meet the Northern Pines

29 Aug 2022, 8:14 am

Some people probably find me aggressive when I'm just trying to be helpful. If someone is missing a basic fact, it does not occur to me that everyone else may have been shielding them from the truth, like a child who believes in Santa Claus.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 57,019
Location: Stendec

29 Aug 2022, 8:55 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
Do any of you feel you don't fit in anywhere?
Always.  But I make it work to my benefit.  My employer seems to appreciate my "outsider's" perspective.


_________________
 
• Veritas Illuminata • Semper Illuminans •


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 85,872
Location: Queens, NYC

29 Aug 2022, 9:05 am

I think of the OP as one who likes cats, cake, pie, and butter :)

I don't feel I "fit in," either. Then again, I don't make a grand effort to fit in. I say what's on my mind, even if some other people don't like it all that much.



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 38
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 17,958
Location: I'm right here

29 Aug 2022, 9:08 am

Do any one of us fit in anywhere?


_________________
You can't buy happiness; steal it.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 109,173
Location: On a special base where the Christmas soldiers of the world live

29 Aug 2022, 9:13 am

I'm not one to fit in and I don't try to fit in. I'm a mix of the 30s, 40s and 60s. I might have a few Nazi tendencies thinking that young people should join the army and liking helmets and swastikas, liking Aryan people and having a playlist of German marches, but I'm also Pro-Life and I'm brought to tears easily and I like to be a Sweet Pea to everyone here. I also respect Jewish people and people of all races.


_________________
Oberfeldwebel

Age: 48
Gender: Non-Binary
Pronouns: He/Him/His
IQ: 86 and I use all 86 of them.


IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 50,977

29 Aug 2022, 9:25 am

Yes I suppose you have developmental disabilities and mental health concerns at the same time.
That's very common for people on the spectrum, though.

I have a quintuple diagnosis of:

ASD 2 and ADHD (both developmental)
C-PTSD (Trauma)
Mental Health (Anxiety, Depression, Panic)
Strokes (Acquired Brain Injuries)
Exposure to toxins in utero (causing lots of physical health issues)

I also have a genetic mutation causing health issues.

Feeling like we don't fit in, or like we live in a glass bubble, is common for ASD.
In fact it's kind of a defining feature.

The "aut" in Autism means "self".
It means we feel separated or distinct from other people, like we don't fit in.



ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 70
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,542

29 Aug 2022, 9:33 am

There are some groups and individuals who make a fairly good match with me, so I wouldn't say that I don't fit in anywhere. And over time I've felt a stronger sense of identity with people in general than I used to. But as a rule I'd still sooner keep away from the majority of people.

I don't really believe in "fitting in" if it's a matter of rejecting my own nature while completely embracing and approving the nature of a group. That seems more like "caving in" to me. I prefer making equitable bargains where if there's any adjustments needed, they're made by both sides. That's probably why I don't usually identify with large groups. I'd be outnumbered and outvoted too often. What good is that? The smaller the group, the more say I can have without being domineering.



shortfatbalduglyman
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Mar 2017
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,901

29 Aug 2022, 9:43 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I think of the OP as one who likes cats, cake, pie, and butter :)

I don't feel I "fit in," either. Then again, I don't make a grand effort to fit in. I say what's on my mind, even if some other people don't like it all that much.

___________________

Likewise

39 and don't "fit in" anywhere

Stopped trying to "fit in" sometime in college

Trying to "fit in" is not the same as "belonging"

Trying to "fit in" is not worth the (cost benefit analysis) in my situation

Especially at work, almost everyone in the building appears to be a certain Myers Briggs Type:. Extroverted judgmental emotional. High school graduates. Black or Latino. Almost all of them like the same clothes food and music. Neurotypical. Low class.



Trachea
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 30 Aug 2022
Age: 34
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 176

30 Aug 2022, 11:47 pm

Yes I'm ADD and ASD and they kind of work against each other so its a weird dichotomy. I tend to feel people with just ADD/ADHD are too hyper and exhausting to talk to for more than 15minutes at a time. And pure ASD people are too goody-goody and focused, which I can't really relate to either. Don't even want to get into neurotypical people..

Someone said this meme somewhere that went something like if ADD looks like books laying around everywhere and ASD looks like books organized neatly in rows then ADD & ASD is books everywhere but in neat little piles.


I also am prone for depression and anxiety and quite possibly have complex PTSD and some other issues, but I'm currently too burned out to start therapy so I don't know exactly. (I also have a bit of an issue with labeling myself like that because I'm a lot more than my problems.)



emellish
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 20 Oct 2022
Age: 77
Gender: Male
Posts: 5
Location: East Anglia UK

22 Oct 2022, 4:45 am

I don't suffer with extreme mood swings. I just do "boring"--- heck not everyone can be interesting! Someone has to do "boring"! I was always the kid on the outside looking in wondering why rejection followed me everywhere. I'm 77 now having lived a friendless life of weirdness over a checkered past. I recently submitted to an ASD diagnosis that proved positive. If there was any consistency throughout my life, it was with repetitive attempts to join social groups always ending in failure with my inability to connect with people and becoming stigmatized in various ways. So YES, I have never fitted in anywhere!

I have always held down a job, sometimes excelling at my work but NEVER as a team player. My first wife of 12 years marriage walked out because I was boring. My current marriage of 35 years only lasted because my wife has got her own issues dealing with agoraphobia---what a pair we make! We both realized there are few people out there who would put up with either of us---so stick with who you know! It's been a marriage of toleration as I really don't know the meaning of love. I was an unwanted child---that's the way I felt. I was not abused in any way but just felt unwanted. I had an older (nine years) good brother who never married and died at age 51. I believe both he and my father also had this "malady" indeed when I recall memories of my uncles and cousins, they all had their emotional issues. Closeness, engagement, and displays of affection weren't a trait on both sides of the family. So here I am through many twists and turns 3k miles away---after years of running away from myself--- from what used to be home, now at my current home. I don't pretend to be some sort of sage or to offer useful advice. My engagement and history of reciprocity with people would not fill an egg cup, yet I continue doing my own boring thing in contentment having come to terms with "it is what it is!"



Last edited by emellish on 22 Oct 2022, 4:51 am, edited 1 time in total.