Being Expected to Like ALL Disabled People Bcuz yr Autistic?

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Elgee
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31 Aug 2022, 11:18 am

There seems to be this thing going around that just because someone's autistic they should like every disabled person they encounter, an "all inclusive" and "non-judgemental" approach.

However, there are disabled people who can be total azzes. I'm just as intolerant of jerks whether I'm NT or autistic, whether I can run up hills or must use a cane, whether I can hear or am deaf, etc.

There shouldn't be this expectation that I'm all-inclusive just because I have a diagnosis. I STILL think that some people are total arses. I look past the disability and see the PERSON. And if that PERSON is a total azz-head, I will have contempt for them.

I belong to a social group for autistics, and I get the feeling that the leader thinks we should embrace ANYONE with a disability no matter what. I call BS. ANYONE can be a jerk. ANYONE.

Has anyone here experienced this "pressure" to embrace ANYONE with a disability just because YOU have autism?



Joe90
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31 Aug 2022, 11:32 am

On WP I get the impression that just because I'm ASD I have to understand and tolerate all groups of people and everybody's actions and opinions and be 100% non-judgemental otherwise I "don't have empathy". It's like only being NT gives you the right to treat others (of any group, not just autistics) however you like because you're NT. So if an NT is, say, homophobic, they'll still be said to have empathy, but if an autistic is homophobic they'll be told that they lack empathy or social imagination just because they won't tolerate homosexuals.


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klanka
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31 Aug 2022, 12:15 pm

I havent felt that pressure cos i dont bother telling anyone im autistic (not that they would care anyway) and dont run into any disabled people in day-to-day life except one lady who is just a nice person



CockneyRebel
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31 Aug 2022, 3:02 pm

I do like all disabled people because I have an easier time relating to them than I do relating to people who don't have any disabilities. I think that disabled people are precious and that their lives should be protected inside and outside the womb.


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kraftiekortie
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31 Aug 2022, 3:05 pm

There are some disabled people who are very nice; and there are some who are not-so-nice.

That's just reality.

I don't believe, though, in judging a person merely by virtue of his/her "disabled" status.

I don't give a free pass to a disabled person who CAN control his/herself.



IsabellaLinton
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31 Aug 2022, 3:08 pm

I've never heard that expectation before.
I think it's reasonable for us to be aware other people might have invisible disabilities.
That doesn't give anyone a free pass though.

I judge people by how they treat others, and by no other means.


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naturalplastic
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31 Aug 2022, 4:06 pm

I hate everyone equally regardless of race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, or ability/disability.



cyberdad
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31 Aug 2022, 4:40 pm

I think if there is such a thing as an autism community then naturally as a group it should seek allies with other disability communities.

In Australia disability advocacy is dominated by NTs (parents of disabled and the physically disabled). NT People in wheelchairs have long been the ones who advocate for/on behalf of other disabled groups. I don't recall anyone with autism doing the same.

Autism advocacy in Australia is again either high profile people with autistic kids or parents.

Individuals can make their own choices. There are clearly university students with autism I have come across who are thriving and will go on to get a career, get married and have kids and integrate into the NT community. For those people autism is not a disability and/or they can't relate to somebody who is struggling because of their disability.

But even for people who are struggling with their autism there is no obligation to take on other disabled people as friends or allies. We each have to cope with out own load.



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31 Aug 2022, 4:43 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
I hate everyone equally regardless of race, creed, religion, sexual orientation, or ability/disability.


I'm more like Chris Rock, everybody hates me :lol:



Bepidrix
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31 Aug 2022, 8:34 pm

Yeah, I checked out the pan-disability rights type mindset, and didn't like it. I hear you. It can be a little frustrating when people expect us to have solidarity with those we have little in common with or maybe even dislike a little. So, I think it is okay for us to ignore the better angels of our nature every now and then, and just focus on ourselves.



temp1234
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31 Aug 2022, 9:52 pm

I've never actually felt that kind of pressure. Could it be that, being autistic ("disabled"), we are probably expected to understand what it's like to be disabled whatever the disability is? Some disabled people can be absolutely horrible. Whether disabled or not, whatever race, young or old, whatever sex, whatever sexual orientation, each individual has their own personality. Nasty individuals don't deserve to be embraced.



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31 Aug 2022, 10:06 pm

I've picked up on it in autism forums because it's always us vs NT mentality. But I don't have to like another autistic person. If they're rude or annoying, I don't have to like them. They can choose to still mask around others with it or keep using their skills they learned or work on it. I'm still upset with my aspie friend and haven't spoken to him in days now.


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31 Aug 2022, 11:16 pm

I don't think anyone needs to do anything they don't want to. However, I do believe that if we can't even give each other the benefit of a doubt, some kindness and empathy then what hope is there for us to expect that from nondisabled and neurotypical people to us.. It's really not easy to be considerate, otherwise, we all would be, but I think we should do our best.

My experience has been that in autistic communities there is almost just as much bullying and fighting with each other for their differing autistic qualities as there is in nt-world for their differing qualities with autistic people. I think we as autistic people sometimes put our own very narrow concept of justice above everything and everyone else. We can be very judgemental and stubborn and that is not good for anyone in the long run and makes it hard to create safe and supportive communities.

Thirdly people on the spectrum have such varying needs of accommodations and assistance, some really hate being considered disabled to begin with, so I think there will always be some form of hierarchical thinking in the community about people with other disabilities, which I think is icky. Also because there is so much overlap and many autistic people have also other disabilities.

Anyway you don't have to like or befriend anyone you don't like just because they have a disability but you should have some solidarity if you wish that others would at any time stand up for your rights or be considerate to your disability as well or you are a hypocrite.



naturalplastic
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31 Aug 2022, 11:53 pm

I dont feel the pressure because I dont encounter huge numbers of folks with disabilities.

The OP must be in some odd situation in which he encounters a lot of folks in wheelchairs, or something.

I cut folks slack if I am aware that they are disabled - just because. Not because I am diagnosed with ASD.



cyberdad
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01 Sep 2022, 3:59 am

naturalplastic wrote:
I cut folks slack if I am aware that they are disabled - just because. Not because I am diagnosed with ASD.


I'm the same. It's like being a Karen to a struggling mother on an aeroplane who can't keep her disabled kid quiet. You cut them some slack.



Joe90
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01 Sep 2022, 4:43 am

Basically, what it means is, we Aspies are at the bottom of the social hierarchy, meaning we more or less deserve to be treated poorly and misunderstood but if we misunderstand or treat another group poorly then we'll never hear the end of it. So to keep everyone happy we have to make sure we accept everybody in the world unless they're bad people.

There's a hidden, subtle social rule that if you accept everybody, it can make you a doormat. So just because you're autistic it doesn't mean you don't have the right to misunderstand or not accept some groups of people. Sometimes you need to close your mind just a little in order to survive in this society. As long as you don't go to the extreme, like bullying someone.


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