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Crystalmirror
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07 Aug 2007, 8:06 pm

Like pretty much any AS, I have very limited social skills. The thing about me is, not only do I not know how to make small talk, I find I really have no interest in it. The thought of just chit-chatting bores me to tears. For almost three years, I worked with a case worker at a local mental health agency. She was nice enough, but she put tremendous pressure on me to be more social, which I thought was really unfair. I don't work with her anymore, but I'd like to know how other aspies deal with the idea of socializing. How does everyone else deal with it?



Sopho
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07 Aug 2007, 8:14 pm

Crystalmirror wrote:
How does everyone else deal with it?

I don't.
I just can't be arsed trying any more. It bores me as well. But when I do have to do it, I just nod along and pretend I agree with everything they're saying. I've found most people prefer talking than listening, so it tends to work.



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07 Aug 2007, 8:32 pm

Crystalmirror wrote:
Like pretty much any AS, I have very limited social skills. The thing about me is, not only do I not know how to make small talk, I find I really have no interest in it. The thought of just chit-chatting bores me to tears. For almost three years, I worked with a case worker at a local mental health agency. She was nice enough, but she put tremendous pressure on me to be more social, which I thought was really unfair. I don't work with her anymore, but I'd like to know how other aspies deal with the idea of socializing. How does everyone else deal with it?


Today, I was handling things like a champ and in the middle of one sentence thought WOW, I sound like an extrovert. If only I could be like this all the time around anyone. Alas, a week ago I was just the opposite!

But,frankly, in most cases I just don't do well socializing. ANd, WHO KNOWS? Maybe the office people treat me OK because I do so well.



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07 Aug 2007, 8:40 pm

Nodding and indicating agreement is a good strategy. If it's a statement you don't agree with, be quiet and let it go. If they won't listen, dissention is wasted.


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x_amount_of_words
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07 Aug 2007, 11:26 pm

I try to listen more than I talk, but it can become quite boring. With friends, I try to rely on humor...and talk about something socially universal, like music. I try to avoid opinionated conversations to prevent myself from saying something offensive. Just remember that you shouldn't have to socialize if you don't want to. I personally find it exhausting. But if you find someone worth talking to it shouldn't be too hard because they should accept you...and if they don't, then it's not worth it...


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Le_Samourai
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07 Aug 2007, 11:39 pm

x_amount_of_words wrote:
I try to listen more than I talk, but it can become quite boring. With friends, I try to rely on humor...and talk about something socially universal, like music. I try to avoid opinionated conversations to prevent myself from saying something offensive. Just remember that you shouldn't have to socialize if you don't want to. I personally find it exhausting. But if you find someone worth talking to it shouldn't be too hard because they should accept you...and if they don't, then it's not worth it...


QFT

Most of the people at work that I hang out with rarely talk about anything interesting, so I just stick with listening, unless its a topic I'm interested in.


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Aradford
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08 Aug 2007, 10:37 am

sit there and not speak, or talk about random stuff that amuses me.



EatingPoetry
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08 Aug 2007, 10:50 am

The nodding and agreeing works. Especially if you can put it on automatic pilot and go far far away to an interesting place in your head! :wink: (People tend not to notice when your eyes glaze over.)


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etg1701
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08 Aug 2007, 11:12 am

Yeah, I have many of the same issues and really have to work to make myself interact effectively.



MrMacPhisto
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08 Aug 2007, 11:24 am

Sometimes I give one word answers to people others I'm actually an intermediate going onto professional when it comes to socialising (for an aspie)



edal
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08 Aug 2007, 2:38 pm

EatingPoetry wrote:
The nodding and agreeing works. Especially if you can put it on automatic pilot and go far far away to an interesting place in your head! :wink: (People tend not to notice when your eyes glaze over.)


Me too, I've solved quite complex mathematical problems in my head whilst listening to people drone on about nothing in particular.

Ed Almos



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08 Aug 2007, 3:47 pm

I am afraid I tend to just listen and nod a lot too and I hate it.
I find other people talking boring for the most part, unless it is something I know enough about to talk about too.
This means I have to put a lot of work into keeping any friends.



richardbenson
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08 Aug 2007, 5:24 pm

i used to get drunk alot, now that ive quit though im probably going to dig even deeper into my collections and fantasys :D


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Jonny
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08 Aug 2007, 5:52 pm

I've just come back from a 'team night out'. Nice people but I find ther chit chat really hard to deal with especially at the dinner table.

It was a night out to celebrate the completion of our targets. Someone said 'lets enjoy this team bonding session' and the woman next to me said "yes! but he is struggling" pointing at me. I dont think anyone else heard her though. I think shes a really cool person, but I really wanted to slap her at the time. Although thinking back, I must appear like a very odd person in front of others.

Anyway I would definately do the nodding thing. Do not at any point look like you are in another place, because someone will notice and try to draw you into the convo by asking a direct personal question. I really hate that and then everyone is looking at you waiting for an answer.



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08 Aug 2007, 9:56 pm

Smile

Nod

Laugh at their crappy jokes

That fix's most socialising 'issues'. :roll:



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08 Aug 2007, 10:04 pm

It's been easier since I've realized that you only need about an eighth of a percent of your brain to make the sort of small talk that makes people comfortable. When you use more than that it gets tricky.