Wish my family was different

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My dad told the doctor that diagnosed me, that he hasn’t read anything on ASD and he’ll never will. He also thinks that I’m using ASD as a crutch and I have a defeatist attitude. He thinks that I am capable of working a full time job, not just a part time job. He wants me to have benefits through a full time job. He even told me that he will not help me get disability benefits through the government. He told me that my mom is the one to help me with that. He’s not going to help me. He even shames me for taking care of my health and fitness, which is very strange. Something I never thought he’d do, since I chose to make my health and fitness a top priority. All because of my oldest sister doesn’t want to be healthy at all. And he shames her for her negligence to her health.

My mom thinks I’m capable of working full time as well. She hasn’t said anything about helping me get disability benefits. My dad is 75 and my mom is 70. I’m 39 and reading survival books just in case I don’t get disability benefits. At least I can fall back on the survival skills as a homeless when my parents pass away. It’s more than likely I’m going to become homeless once my parents pass away. Their is no way I’m going to living with either sister. Our relationships are beyond repair I already estranged my oldest sister. When both my parents are gone I’m going to estrange the middle one. In case you’re wondering they both estranged each other way back in 2006.

My middle sister just thinks I’m a high functioning sociopath and is just lazy like my older sister. My older sister is also disabled but she is not on the spectrum and she is even tried to murder our mom. Yet my parents continue to help live on her own. My parents even told me that they will not help me whatsoever if I ever move out. My oldest sister does have disability benefits and my both my parents helped her get them. It seems like my parents don’t care about helping me with my disability. When it comes to getting benefits.

I wonder if you might try to see if you can get a social worker or a therapist who could help guide you to prepare for living on your own. If your family won't help you, you may be able to get assistance from other places, agencies, charities, public advisors of different types. If you want to live on your own, and you can see a time coming when you will have to, it would make sense to start to find out what resources are available to you. best wishes!

Posting a few random thoughts, in the hope that they help .

One thing about CALD (culturally and ethnically diverse) parents is that they're not as clued up on "invisible" disabilities as people of a Western European background in the same generation. (Saying this is not politically correct, but to hell with that - it's generally true, and hopefully brings some comfort to you, knowing you're not alone.) I could be wrong, but the reason you've got less sympathy from your parents is because they don't really understand that autism is every bit as real as someone having paraplegia, etc.

Yeah, the moving out bit is difficult because you're going to need to be independent at some point. But yeah, it's a fact universally acknowledged in certain Asian families that you don't move out until you're married. There's millennia of precedent here. Hopefully, your parents will one day realise that times have changed and that moulds need to be broken for new generations to thrive. Or perhaps they think they can help you best by having you stay?

All the best!

You could apply for benefits without the aid of your parents.

What country are you in?

OP, when were you diagnosed? Recently or years ago? I ask, because I'm the same age and am thinking about looking into government benefits.

I hope you find some answers soon, it sounds distressing as it is.

I like the idea of the survival books. I think "giving" autistic kids social skills is actually bad if you don't also teach them how to tell safe people from toxic ones, and that's never going to happen. Hint: it's not tattoos, sunglasses, missing teeth, obesity, or facial scars. It's more likely to be the words "pillar of society".

Hello DevilMayAsian,

I'm very sorry to hear about your family situation, I too grew up in a toxic and sometimes judgmental family myself. I had the hardest time breaking free from my family as my mother over protected me and did almost everything on my behalf. That being said it is still possible to establish self reliance and boundaries with the right help from a caring friend or a social worker. I was able to move out at the age of 23 with the help of a close friend of the family that specializes in assisting Autistic adults with employment and daily living skills.

What country do you live in if you don't mind me asking? Most western countries have a welfare or social services office in just about every town, walking into one of these government offices would be the easiest way to see a social worker for free although depending on they area you may have to be put on a waiting list before you can see someone.

Remember moving out is way way harder when you are Autistic but not impossible.

I hope my advice will help you find some help.

You can get revenge on them when they're old. When they're in their 80s or 90s and need someone to look after them or help them apply for a nursing home, tell 'em they're faking.

My son is nearly 22. I don't want to take sides, since I don't know you or your family, but if its my son I want him to have something to do that he feels passionate about. Ideally something that pays him enough to make a life for himself. As long as you are dependent on your parents, you are letting them make decisions for you. If you want a career, working in information technology (IT) can work for many people. It is not very hard to get a help desk position and that will help you to see if you like IT and if there is a particular job that you might enjoy. Whatever you do, I hope you find something that you look forward to doing every day. Ideally a job with heal insurance as that can be huge if you don't have it.