Hobbies

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There is nothing I enjoy doing more than emotional eating and Internet

In the past, I had some hobbies and lost interest

As a result I have nothing to show for my efforts

On days off, I just go between one YouTube video and the next one

Too lazy and apathetic to accomplish anything

Also fear failure

Zero cash, zero "friends", zero interest and zero skills

I feel like I have been just wasting away for a long time

That is not a good position to be in. It is important to expand your horizons. Find something new.

Internet good. Internet bad.

Yesterday I put all my internet devices in the trunk of my car for 24 hours.

I only used the internet to apply to two jobs at the library.

Do you live alone? If so, that can play hell with self-motivation. I'm usually more active when there's a bit of pressure from others to get off my butt, though too much pressure makes me feel like shutting down.

When I'm alone for a long stretch of time I try to get at least one thing done every day. It's the same with hobbies as it is for ordinary tasks. I also feel overwhelmed very easily, so I use a variant the old trick of breaking the task down into smaller tasks - I decide what the first step should be, ignoring the rest for the time being, and then if I get that step done, decide on the next step, and so on. When even that feels overwhelming, I break the step down even further, so it's a micro-step that takes very little time and effort. It works for hobbies as well as mundane things, and it helps to stop me feeling so downhearted, because if I think "what an ineffective fool I am, I've done absolutely nothing," I can truthfully counter it with "well, not quite."

I remember writing out a task list many years ago, and my motivation was at a low ebb, and I sarcastically added a task "conjur up enthusiasm out of thin air." Of course it never got done, I was just expressing my despair at how inexorably languid and "lazy" I'd become.

My hobbies include painting, drawing, loom knitting and doodling. I also loom knit and string beads.

I love to work with polymer clay and use stamps and texturing tools. What's even better is using translucent clay and infusing pigments and tiny things like glitter or even hair. I love textures in every way

My hobbies are theater building and science fiction.

this sounds like depression to me! Depression runs in my family and in many ways I have a lot of experience with that.

I want to ask some questions!
Are you on meds that might need adjustment?

This time of year the daylight is not as strong, could you have need for more bright light exposure ( seasonal depression is common)

Are you seeing a therapist who could help you find new interests and ways of "doing life" ???

I think it is great that you are reaching out about this. Once we recognize we are stuck in a painful rut, it is the first step toward a better life to reach out and ask for help. Don't give up, you are worthy of finding interest in life, worthy of finding peace and enjoyment. Keep trying new things and making adjustments there are so many alternatives and ways to handle depression these days that nobody needs to suffer. I applaud your courage and healthy self advocacy in reaching out. you are a valuable member of this group and you are not alone. Keep us posted.