Never invited out anywhere

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OK so....I'm at the church with the youth group and I'm sorry, its a nightmare. Service was good but its a straight pain he he. I forgot how overwhelming it is. Plus I didn't drive so I'm at somebody's mercy. I don't like this at all. I regret wanting to be invited haha. Its funny but not funny

This is what I get lol

This is so me too - in fact, it's what made me join this Forum, reading this was like reading something I'd put.

I'm 54 and I've never been out with a group of people (not counting day centre groups chaperoned by neurotypicals!) in my life, like literally. I've got a deformed face because of my disabilities, and it got caved in by someone because I didn't have enough money to be worth mugging, and nobody wants to be with me/invite me because of it. I've tried mixing in with others but all they seem to see is the face and they never give me a shot.

So I really understand where you're all coming from on this and I feel sad for us all. I've missed most of Life's experiences through never having had anyone to experience them WITH, too.

If anyone's got any answers, I'd sure try them out.

Yours respectfully

Chris.

Those people sure missed out on a great person. You seem very friendly and pleasant from your reply.

Yes can relate to almost my entire existence not getting invited out to do stuff..but have lots of experiences all by myself . And have been accustom to being happy with that . As people age their social circles can get set …but
They also do not keep up their attempts to socialize , So not being accustom to being on their own it appears a lot of them as they age , And their social circles die off or move away . They have a much harder time getting used to being on their own also . So I think there are advantages to having extended times to be alone . Allows for time to reflect and perhaps analyze things . And learn what makes YOU. Be content or happy .,

Dear Saimand.

I can never tell who it's safe TO invite. People pretend to be friendly, I don't realise they're pretending because of the Asperger's, so when they invite me out I turn up with money. And they mug me for the money.

Then others invite me and I remember the above experiences and don't have the courage to go, and it turns out I would've been safe.

How do you tell when people mean it and when they're just setting you up for a mugging? I was mugged/beaten up/burgled so often in the last towns I was in, over the decades, the police kept moving me into different flats. Then they moved me into different towns and it happened all over again. I try to be nice to people all the time and it's still happening now.

I don't know how to tell when people are for real and when they're setting you up. Can anyone tell me?

Yours hopefully

Chris.

That's very strange to be mugged or burgled that many times. Was it the same people mugging you when you changed flats in the same city?

I got invited to a church thing on halloween night and had to come home. It was kids mostly, i had no-one to talk to so just went on me phone then came home early.

Around 50 percent of the people in the world are introverts and the rest are extroverts. Introverts recharge their bodies by seeking to be alone. Extroverts recharge their bodies by being in a group. The more people the better. As an Aspie, I am an introvert and do not mind being by myself.

Dear Klanka.

I lived in Hastings for roughly 18 years. And I'm very ugly because of the different disabilities coming together in my face - so I became the Town Monster. I looked odd so I must BE something weird. I helped a couple of kids repair their bicycles, their fathers came round - well, actually about 5 guys came round - I thought they'd come round to thank me for helping their kids. Nope. I look odd, I help kids, I must be a paedo. So two of them worked me over and held me down while the others searched the flat for evidence. Of course they didn't find any, that didn't show I wasn't one, that just showed I was good at hiding it. So they worked me over anyway and left me.

I was trying to mix in with the locals. Big mistake. Mom was sending me out for shopping, I was having to dodge every local kid going to keep the money as far as the supermarket - and Hastings is a small town. It's very difficult to dodge people - you might be lucky a couple of days but they always find you. And Hastings is a weird town - if you Google it, you'll find it's got the worst reputation of any town going in that area. They put everyone there they don't know what else to do with and I was one of them.

Because of my ugliness, I stood out and became fair game for all. Anyone had a bad day? Take it out on Chris. Anyone want stuff? Pretend to be Chris' friend, he'll invite you over, you can case the joint and go back when he's out. If he's in, you've come over to say Howdy. If he's out, you can ransack the place. And Chris'll never be able to prove it, cos all your friends will swear blind you were with them when you were ransacking.

Voluntary work? Nope - anyone who looks THAT weird must be Really Stoopid and Incapable of Anything. So we'll make that so by never giving him a chance to DO anything so he can't GET good at doing anything - that's still happening right up till now. I was constantly touring the voluntary shops back then and being turned down for the lot - then going home and discovering I'd been burgled AGAIN!

Friends? Joining in with the locals? Hmm. He tends to have money on him because he doesn't blow it on fruit machines like the rest of us - let's cultivate him a bit so we know when best to mug him. Ah. He gets his giro on Wednesdays, which means he always has to cash it at the same post office. If a few of us wait outside..... Getting out of the post office with money was a constant, ongoing nightmare. You had to time going in with a bunch of people, so they couldn't single you out. And you had to time going out with a bunch of people so they couldn't grab you. Not that that mattered, because you couldn't get a bank account because you were unemployed. So you had to keep all that lovely money in your flat. And they knew where I lived so they'd just smash a window. Nobody ever said anything - I was the Town Weirdo by then so I was fair game for all.

I kept on trying. I'd go to disability clubs - and the other disabled people would complain about having to look at me and the organisers would take me to one side and go 'Chris, we know it's Not Your Fault, but....' And that was one more place you couldn't go to. Tried having girlfriends but they'd never let me touch them. Spend money on them, yes. Touch them.....Tried having nights out but all the people in the town's only 2 nightclubs were those I spent all day avoiding. So I tried going to other towns and discovered that, when you're as ugly as I am, it's just as bad there. You get surrounded and jeered at and, if they were drunk or high, someone would give you a slap. So you'd slap them back. Which was the key for them ALL to pile in on you. So you'd get home about 3am covered in bruises and Dad would slap you for not standing up to them better and for being out so late. Or you'd get back to your flat and discover someone had had a good go at the new door you'd had put in.

And so it went on. Thought I had a friend once, till he asked me to fix his computer. Went round and the thing was Twinkie Boy Central. He'd made friends with me because he'd heard rumours that I was a paedo - I'm not, btw! - and he TRULY was. He showed me the contents of his bedroom - I was too scared not to look - and, trust me, I never went round there again.

By then, I was just about banned from the whole town anyway. Was banned from most pubs not because I'd done anything wrong - the landlords all told me I hadn't - but because if I went in there, all the locals spent the evening having goes at me and it was easier to just ban me then to keep having to calm them down all the time, especially when they were - ah - alcoholically challenged! So I'd just stay in, guarding my stuff. What was left of it.

I'd been moved flats about 8 times by then anyway - but I came in one night after Actually Getting some Voluntary Work for a day!! - and found the place had been burgled totally empty. And my mind snapped. They found me making holes in the plasterboard wall cos I was convinced my stuff must be behind there somewhere. So they put me in Queen Charlotte's, the town's loony bin, for the last 6 months of its existence. Then they put me in a Home, where I wasn't allowed to join in with all the activities the other residents were doing because they couldn't get funding for me. So I offered to provide my own funding and they wouldn't let me. So I just watched everyone doing stuff and if I tried to go in the Communal Area while it was going on, I was ushered out and told to come back when it had finished.

Then the BBC heard about me and made me part of a documentary about disabled people, Tormented Lives. Not that THAT did any good - everyone was FURIOUS I'd spoken out about them and things just got even worse - I had to pay out protection money to walk down the street! So the cops found me a place in Brighton where I am now, which is TECHNICALLY legal for me - as it's owned by the same housing assoc., I'm allowed to be there. Thing IS - it's reverting to Brighton Council soon, who have the perfect rights to kick me out. And no WAY am I going back to Hastings again. Trust me. Not going to happen.

It's almost as bad in Brighton now, anyway. I'm banned from loads of places because others complain about having to look at me - including the Pier, because apparently my face scares the tourists! (MASSIVE coloured bouncer told me that straight and physically chucked me off!) Tried making friends with the locals - too ugly, doesn't happen. Tried having a girlfriend but she only wants to know me when she wants anything bought for her. Hasn't let me see her in weeks.

This flat's only been burgled twice, thankfully. And they've put a REALLY strong door on it now so I THINK I'm safe - it's had eggs chucked over it and someone tried to saw a hole in it and I've found massive bootmarks and cracks around the edges but it's held firm thus far. I go out on busrides, I volunteer all over the place and there's always many more reasons to turn me down than to use me, I've got a long-distance Fb g/f who's disabled but always finds a reason NOT to let me meet her in person - though again, if she wants money or things buying for her......

Brief example. There's a place called Buddies in Worthing, a cafe/day centre for Aspies and others with learning difficulties. So I started going there, they had quizzes, any team with me on it won cos I'm not bad at quizzes and these were pretty dumbed-down, so I got told to stop being on the teams. Overheard the office lady say she was snowed under, I'm good at computers so I volunteered, she took One Scared Look, grabbed all the paperwork, ran back in the office and slammed the door. Offered to help in the kitchens, nope, knives in there, might go Jason Voorhees on them. Volunteered to help in their charity shop a few doors down the same road, nope, the other customers wouldn't like looking at me.

Volunteered for computer fixing in Furniture Now! A big Eastbourne charity. Went along there, learned LOADS AND LOADS from the other computer guy there - he was lovely - and got so you could give me a computer, box of spares and if the right spares were there, I'd get it going every time. Then he had a falling-out with the boss lady - she couldn't read spreadsheets and thought he'd embezzled funds, he hadn't - and stormed out, never to be seen again. Moment he left - I wasn't allowed anywhere NEAR the computers. Sweeping up and making tea - yes. So I applied for the furniture polishing training, nope, electric machines, might hurt myself. They got someone in for the computers who didn't REALLY know what he was doing and wouldn't let me teach him anything. So I got tired of just being a teaboy and left.

Was NEARLY allowed to work on the Grace Eyre Charity Computers - then Covid turned up a week before I was due to start and the place got shut down. Applied for lots of vol. work since - nope, never have the right references. Flat out of ideas these days - I've answered LOADS of Quora computer questions and got many thousands of views but that's about it. And someone's had ANOTHER go at burgling this flat - the chipboard wall around the door's got a massive dent in it, it's been given a huge kicking by someone. And the guy downstairs tells me he'll be glad when Brighton get this flat back cos he won't have to look at me whenever he comes in. Grace Eyre's now reopened but everyone's forgotten about me working there - there's this HEWGE Glass Ceiling, isn't there. Above it, able-bodied. Below it, spazzes like me. And unless your name's Stephen Hawkins, you never get to cross the divide.

That's me, and why I get burgled so often! If anyone knows anything I've NOT tried yet, tell me, I'll try it.

Yours respectfully

Chris.

Hi Chris

Not sure I can be of much help but I will give it a go.

First off, you apparently have a natural ability for working with computers, so keep expanding your knowledge in this area. It is a rare talent to be able to fix things. It will serve you well in life. Some jobs do not require you to be on the front lines. You can work in the back of shops and GET THE JOB DONE. So find these niches and move forward. The more skills you learn the more free you will become.

There is an interesting movie for you to see if you get a chance. It is called THE GREATEST SHOWMAN. The film is based on the (REAL LIFE) story of P.T. Barnum, a famous showman and entertainer, and his creation of the Barnum & Bailey Circus and the lives of its star attractions. It is really a good movie to see. Many people have weaknesses, but sometimes when you put these people together into the right group, they become very special. They become really amazing.

When it comes to people like us, it is very important to know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses.

Here is another thing that passed through my mind. There are certain types of sunglasses. They have one way lenses. You can see out but people cannot see into your eyes. Most people will judge you within 30 seconds because they look you in the eyes. And they instantly judge you based on that. If you take away this ability by wearing these glasses, they cannot judge you. It will get you as close to being normal as you can get.

Wow, I hope you dont go back to hastings. I would've thought going on the telly would help somewhat, but whaddya know.
If they're not proud of what you've said about them , they you'd think it would be time for them to stop, but no.

As I said before the only thing I can think of is to pray cos you need a miracle.

I was thinking about if you could wear some type of mask, but I suppose not.

Dear Klanka.

Thing IS - my entire life's been like that from preschool to present day - I clearly remember going to disability preschool and a little girl there screaming, pointing at me and going 'Ugly! Ugly! Ugly!' They had to take me out because I scared her and a couple of others too much.

They tried me in a couple of other preschools but they were for able-bodied and you just get worked over, don't you. Same with ordinary schools, and disability Colleges - was just the same as being in Hastings, really. All ready to join in and go out and be part of things and nobody ever letting you. Halfway through the Computer HND Course Budgie - his nickname! - the ex officio course leader and the only one better at programming than me (Cobol and Basic) came up to me and went 'We don't like you. You don't like us....' Which wasn't true at all, I'm just Asperger's and say/do the wrong things at the wrong times, you know what it's like '....don't spoil the rest of our course by talking to us.' After that I just wasn't there to them. Wasn't allowed to sit with them at mealtimes or anything, wasn't allowed to join in with the extra-curricular activities, too scared to push my way into other groups, wasn't sure how to do it (Asperger's!!)

I surprised them all by getting my HND. Was a TON of work but I knew I could do it and I did. At the End Of Course Party, in the College bar, there was a table with a spare chair so I went up and asked if the chair was taken. They said 'no' so i smiled and sat down. Silence. Then the big guy - not Budgie, someone else - leaned over. 'You've got the chair. F'k off with it!' And the others all laughed and I didn't know what to do so I spent the rest of the party sitting just outside the bar on a bench, watching it all.

You'd think other disabled people would be a bit more understanding, wouldn't you, but they're not. The autistic ones can be terrifying, some of them are massively muscled and they surround you and pretend they're going to beat up on you to watch your fear. Even the ones in wheelchairs surround you and pretend they're going to ram into you and JUST stop at the last second. Then they laugh and go off in a group and leave you there.

I know I'm a bit older now but I'd love to be part of a group, just once. Without people being scared of me cos I'm honestly not a bad person. Just disabled. Why's that so hard for people to understand?

Yours respectfully

Chris.

That's me, and why I get burgled so often! If anyone knows anything I've NOT tried yet, tell me, I'll try it.

Yours respectfully

Chris.

Dear Ulrichburke,
Can relate Somewhat to your circumstances, have a older woman , grandmother whom by all outward appearances seems to be psychopathic . She has various indirect relatives and relatives that are considerably younger . And programs them to develop hate for whomever within range of her whom does not pay some sort of protection in some manner to her upon her introducing herself . Have not been able to get the police to respond to this situation ever , inspite of a great deal of crime coming from her house . Drug sales , ongoing property damage and burglaries of neighbors homes , except those whom she has not introduced herself to or are paying protection of some sort.
She guides and directs her more seriously criminal relatives as to whatever she can learn about the neighbour she doesn’t like. This is an effort to keep the police away from her directly . Have been burgled 3 times since living here.
She is quite excellent at being two faced . Have found many criminal types excel at being two faced. She was using other people in the neighbourhood to get information about my coming and going and she was aware I lived alone and was a recent widow. So they would observe and group together using cellphones to let one another know if I was coming home. Or going out. Have found they are appearing to be afraid to confront me directly. And we’re actively stalking me in my home at night . Anything left outside often disappeared rather quickly. Having alittle training in video surveillance eventually got some cameras up . This did not slow them reports to the police ,got me responses , “well you don’t have any clear pictures of them.” The best I ever got was once a cop caught them for trespassing
But only gave them a warning after my years of reporting these issues. I did confront 2 of them one night attempting
To tear up the remains of a fence I kept repairing . On their way into the property .One at each side of the back of my property, the ex convict ran off while the other one tried to hide until I started to walk up to him , then he ran off.
This kind of thing went on at the last place I lived , where a older man played the same role as the old lady,near me now. But he used his older grandkids to do his dirty work . Break ins were almost weekly . His wife worked indirectly with the local sheriffs office . We were never able to get any police service there either . Here they will play lip service somewhat. But this is much more city like place. Eventually now I pay for a alarm service 27.00 USD a month .Seems to have slowed things up a bit lately. And installed a double deadbolt lock on the door.
Had learned these people had members of their group whom knew lock picking , For both car alarms and for doors.
It is quite a bit of work to defend yourself against these type of people. But it helps , it seems. And I was getting a reputation with the police here, after enough reports. Have considered moving from here too. But do not expect things to be much better elsewhere. And am established here now. Finding worthwhile friends can be very hard too.
Very best of wishes to you . If you can get and train a dog to be okay with a automatic feeder, And you not being home all the time. It could slow them down. But do not let anyone but you handle the dog . Just a thought .
If you can get some kind of companion care to come visit you regularily , it will go along ways towards causing people to realize your not alone, maybe ?

Good advice

I noticed something. Since I accepted my neurodiversity and joined here. I found my "normal" and I love it

It is pretty standard for Autistic folk not to be invited to social events. Autistic folk have a social disability after all, meaning that unfortunately, they are usually less popular with people in general.