I think I can recognize Asperger's just by looking at people

Page 2 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Jakki
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,778
Location: Outter Quadrant

02 Dec 2022, 7:01 pm

Well… need to say here is you could judge autism et Al. By appearance . Then something is very weird ..
Because by appearances , my Younger sister who was pretty much completely non verbal .. had much more of a traditional NT appearance than most all aspies , i have met . Nothing in her face . Even when she was not responding. Would betray anything of a Aspie look .. even on her worst days . Her face had more of a knowing look.
And we lived in the same location until she was 15 vears old. A lot of her hour to hours physical interactions might have betrayed the situation .


_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
Quote:
where ever you go ,there you are


Elgee
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 209
Location: Med West

02 Dec 2022, 9:43 pm

Knowing beforehand was irrelevant. In fact, at numerous functions I've asked people if they were autistic because there were NTs at these functions. I was trying to find autistic people to introduce myself to, and it was simply a matter of keep asking till I get a hit.

There were others for whom it was obvious based on hygeine or condition of their body (higher rate of sedentary lifestyle among even HFAs). But as far as quirky strange body movements and mannerisms, I've found this to be quite uncommon among HFAs. I'd never know it for the vast majority. In fact, before I embarked on my dx journey, I would've passed off the quirkier ones as geeks, nerds and just really smart people rather than, "Hmmm, he's autistic!"



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 53,365

02 Dec 2022, 10:20 pm

I looked autistic in childhood photos. Compared to my cousins or other children in the pictures, I seldom looked at the camera. My eyes were almost always downcast even in my toddler pictures. When you could see my eyes they either had that dreamy, far away look as if I was lost in my head, or else I was staring at the camera like a deer in the headlights. I either looked afraid or very intense.

In some pictures I’m sticking out my tongue not in a playful silly way but to suggest I hated being photographed.

I didn’t smile naturally (or at all). My head is almost always tilted quite obviously to one side. My posture was odd and stiff: I was twisted like a pretzel in many pics (e.g., standing up with one foot facing forward and the other almost backward). My hands are clenched in every picture from the time I was born including now.

I’m not saying all autistic people look like that, but I did and it made me stand out.

Can I spot autistic people? I don’t know. I haven’t spent enough time around groups of people to find out.

People might be able to see it in me today, because I don’t make eye contact or even face contact. I often turn my whole body away from people or start walking away without even noticing. I don’t talk about special interests because I barely speak at all (mutism). When I do start talking I’m often very animated with a song-song voice and unusual prosody. I’ll give way too many details when I describe things or tell a story, and I often start rambling about sensory memories related to whatever I’m saying.

I stim in public, so that would appear odd too. It’s common for me to twirl and pirouette randomly, or to sit down on the floor / ground if I’m tired. I don’t like chairs and seldom use them unless absolutely necessary.



Elgee
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 209
Location: Med West

02 Dec 2022, 11:24 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
People might be able to see it in me today, because I don’t make eye contact or even face contact.


For the record, I'm clinically diagnosed. My brother and sister (the only family members I'm in contact with) informed me, after I revealed my diagnosis, that they've always known for many years! When I asked for examples they gave socially related ones or how I "read" conversations, and there was one example of taking something literally. So I'm definitely an Autie.

However, what really fascinates me is the overt avoidance of eye contact, which I can't imagine doing since I'm an Alpha woman who, on many occasions, must speak up assertively and boldly to set people straight. If I avoided eye contact, nobody would take me seriously or feel much of my presence. My eye contact is probably 50% of my assertiveness. I've used it to scare people -- not for the fun of it, but because they were TOTAL JERKS and needed to be put in their place. I've used it to get apologies and refunds by service managers.

I often look away (not even face contact) when summarizing or describing something because during that time, holding eye contact is distracting. Like today with the doctor, I was describing the history of some tendonitis; couldn't look at him; too distracting. However, I give good eye contact when I'm done or when I pause or when I say something briefly. And I give it when I'm listening. In short, eye contact gets the job done.

So, my question to you is, how do you "get the job done" with people who need a good talking to? Or, do you just let a lot of things slide because interacting with people overall is unpleasant? For example, have you ever had to tell a neighbor their music is too loud? They very likely won't lower it if you avoid eye contact. One time a neighbor answered her door, and my eyes went straight to hers. I barely got three words out when she said, "Oh, is it the music? I'm sorry, I'll lower it."

Eye contact for me is to communicate ME to other people, rather than to try to act NT. If I want people to know I'm not easily intimidated, it's eye contact time!

It's a dog-eat-dog world, with so many people being trampled on and bullied. I've made it to middle age without ever being sexually assaulted. Maybe it's because of my eye contact, which is the first thing a predator looks at when scouting for a victim. Gee, I can go on and on about this whole thing, but I'll stop here. Hopefully you'll want to provide me some insight so I can understand complete avoidance?



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 53,365

03 Dec 2022, 1:02 am

I wrote my post in response to the OP, and didn’t read what you or anyone else said.

How do I avoid eye contact? Umm … I have no idea. It’s not a conscious decision to avoid looking at people. It doesn’t occur to me in real time that I’m supposed to. I don’t have a script or a game plan and I don’t (can’t) mask, so whatever happens happens.

Usually I’ll leave a doctor’s appointment and realise that I have no memory of looking at the doctor, I have no idea what they were wearing, and I didn’t see any facial expressions etc. Then I ruminate that perhaps I should have forced myself to look at them, but the next time I go I forget again.

How do I deal with interpersonal? Again, I don’t. Perhaps you didn’t see where I said I’m mute. I don’t speak to neighbours etc., and in fact I physically hide from them. When I have to deal with conflict it’s always in written form, even with my kids. I’ve never approached a person with a verbal complaint like you have.

I’m not sure why you brought SA into it, but if it’s to say people who can’t make eye contact or read eyes are vulnerable to predation, then yeah … no kidding. Let’s leave rampant ableism out of it though.



Elgee
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 209
Location: Med West

03 Dec 2022, 10:12 am

Thank you for your response Isabelle, though I don't know what SA stands for. I do hope you've taken looks at your kids, if even from across the room, to experience the joy of seeing one's own kids being happy. My late (middle age) diagnosis means I'm trying to catch up because I was robbed of "growing into" my diagnosis, thanks to family members who knew it all along but didn't have the balls to broach the topic. Thus, sometimes my questions may seem blunt.

Anyways, back on topic: Sometimes it's obvious someone's autistic simply if they're stimming a certain way, but when they stop, they seem as typical as anyone else.



IsabellaLinton
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2017
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 53,365

03 Dec 2022, 10:52 am

Elgee wrote:
Thank you for your response Isabelle, though I don't know what SA stands for. I do hope you've taken looks at your kids, if even from across the room, to experience the joy of seeing one's own kids being happy. My late (middle age) diagnosis means I'm trying to catch up because I was robbed of "growing into" my diagnosis, thanks to family members who knew it all along but didn't have the balls to broach the topic. Thus, sometimes my questions may seem blunt.

Anyways, back on topic: Sometimes it's obvious someone's autistic simply if they're stimming a certain way, but when they stop, they seem as typical as anyone else.


SA is sexual assault which you mentioned at the end of your post.

I’m not sure what you mean about looking at my kids to see if they’re happy? Of course I do. 25 years as a single parent and yes I look at them, mostly to marvel how wonderful they are. We don’t do eye contact (their preference as well), and we don’t eat meals around a table like “normal” families, but there’s more love in my home than other families could dream of.

When we need to have serious discussions my daughter will usually bring up the topic and we tend to sit in the dark / with candles talking. She’s HFA but quite verbal once she’s upset. If I have to bring up a topic with her, it’s usually in written form (text etc.), because that’s easier for me.

My son is quiet like me and holds a lot inside. Our big talks are almost always in writing but on occasion he’ll tackle big topics verbally, usually late at night or in the car (somewhere that we aren’t face to face).

I was diagnosed late just like you, a month before turning 50, despite being Level 2. My daughter thought that I knew I was autistic and she just took it for granted without saying anything, since she loved me regardless. This was before she was also diagnosed. I was always judged as eccentric or weird by traditional mothers but everyone — absolutely everyone — knows how close I am with my kids, and they envy our open communication no matter how it presents. My kids’ friends have always wanted to live here where there is so much love, and my home is a sensory refuge where we can relax with personal privacy, pillow forts, soft lights, and pets to cuddle (currently four).

I might be seen as blunt in some of my replies here because I question comments which put others down, even if it’s just a nuance. It seemed you might have been suggesting that people who don’t make eye contact are inadvertently responsible for any mistreatment or abuse they endure. It sounded like you thought we have a choice to look at people or not. I don’t have the luxury of choice because it’s a natural response for me to turn away. It’s natural that I’m so wrapped up in other thoughts, I forget it will seem odd to strangers. It’s natural that eye contact physically hurts, and I’m not willing (or able) to fake it to make other happy. In retrospect yes, that’s likely made me a target over the years but that’s on them — not me or any other autistic person who does the best they can.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,417
Location: Long Island, New York

03 Dec 2022, 11:51 am

Off Topic
kraftiekortie wrote:
Actually...people wouldn't think those with Asperger's are "ableist and Nazi."

Most people don't know Hans Asperger. They almost certainly wouldn't know his Nazi connections.

From what see that stuff is not coming from NT’s but autistics on twitter and it is not about Aspergers making them ableist as it about those who prefer to call them “Aspie” being ableist or Nazis. We had a version of that here in the 2014-2016 period or about. Hans Aspergers Nazi complicity was not known but there was thread after thread of posts with people saying not only were people who called themselves as aspie ableist but attention seekers, trying to be trendy, who probably not autistic or did not have “real autism”. I am glad that era in WP history is long gone.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


Last edited by ASPartOfMe on 03 Dec 2022, 2:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 57,204
Location: Stendec

03 Dec 2022, 12:06 pm

Man wrote:
I think I can recognize Asperger's just by looking at people.
How do you verify this “recognition”? Do you ask people if they are Aspies? Do you have access to their medical records?

Many people seem to believe they have abilities (i.e., “psychic” abilities) no one else has. This may make them feel “special”, when they are only fooling themselves.

Many things can make a person appear to be autistic to untrained observers. Fatigue, medication, deep introspection, and boredom, to name a few.

If you believe you have an inborn diagnostic ability, then have an appropriately-trained and licensed medical professional check it out. Do not be surprised if they ask you if you also hear voices when no one is around, or if you also believe you have been abducted by space aliens.


_________________
 
• Veritas Illuminata • Semper Illuminans • Custodiamus Veritas •
• Et Serviunt Qui Non Videntur •


lostonearth35
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,379
Location: Lost on Earth, waddya think?

03 Dec 2022, 12:26 pm

"You don't look autistic" :doh:
"And you don't look like a blithering idiot. And yet here we both are." :twisted:



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 65
Gender: Male
Posts: 57,204
Location: Stendec

03 Dec 2022, 12:30 pm

^ Here is another one: “Have you tried just not being autistic?”

:roll:


_________________
 
• Veritas Illuminata • Semper Illuminans • Custodiamus Veritas •
• Et Serviunt Qui Non Videntur •


Elgee
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 20 Dec 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 209
Location: Med West

03 Dec 2022, 2:16 pm

"You don't look autistic."

"Thank God the plastic surgery worked!"



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,735
Location: my own little world

04 Dec 2022, 12:05 pm

Sometimes it's easier to see on some people than on others.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,735
Location: my own little world

04 Dec 2022, 12:06 pm

Fnord wrote:
^ Here is another one: “Have you tried just not being autistic?”

:roll:

Someone actually literally said to me, "Maybe you should try being less intelligent so that people will want to be around you."


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


MeltingCORE
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 3 Oct 2022
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 30
Location: Apokolips

04 Dec 2022, 7:04 pm

I used to wonder why people giggled when talking to me or would get weirded out online by me talking about nothing but my interests. Then I realized as I got older, they must hear it in my voice and see it in the way I conduct myself online. I used to be mortified whenever I heard myself speaking because I have a high pitched voice with a slight lisp. I also have trouble with my end sounds and so my voice pitches up at the end of each sentence. I'm honestly not sure if people see it in my face because I look like a stereotypical bookish girl with glasses. I think they may have seen it in my clothing when I was in grade school? (I was in middle and high school from '06 to '12. I was into the whole emo thing but I'd always insert my interests into it. ie I literally did my black eye makeup to mimic the ancient Egyptians because I'm obsessed with Egypt. I'd also draw the radiation symbol on my arms because another one of my interests is nuclear power plants. I know it was strange but I had fun.)

I'm almost 30 now and the way people have treated me doesn't bother me anymore. I've known my fiancé since middle school and he's always accepted me the way I am. Understanding my late diagnosis has allowed me to better understand myself too. I wouldn't want to be anyone but me. :D And yes, I do sometimes feel I'm able to pick out if another person is autistic.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 24,943
Location: UK

04 Dec 2022, 7:45 pm

I often can tell if a male is autistic but I can't tell if a female is autistic unless she's really obvious. I remember at my previous job when a young autistic man started and I had a feeling he was autistic because he didn't look different (like downs syndrome or Fragile-X people do) but he had a monotone sort of voice and although he was quite sociable he never made eye contact with you, he'd look way past you instead. Then I found out from his mum (who also worked there) that he was HFA, just as I guessed. But I have a female friend with HFA and I wouldn't have guessed she was on the spectrum in a million years until she told me. Although she expressed a lot of anxiety she just seemed like a shy NT with anxiety. She made normal eye contact and had an expressive face/body language.
I think if people on this site met me in person you probably wouldn't know I had AS (well, you would because you know I have it on this site but I mean if you didn't know me from this site). But my ADHD is more prominent so I don't think you'd miss that. I remember when I was first diagnosed with ADHD and I told me boyfriend. He'd never heard of it before so he asked me what it meant. I told him and without hesitation he said "I see now!" and we laughed.


_________________
Female
Aged 32

Diagnosed with ADHD
Have RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria)
Have Anxiety Disorder
Diagnosed with mild ASD but I don't identify as autistic