Disclosing new autism diagnosis - when? - to whom?

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I don’t disclose unless there is a logical reason to do so. I have disclosed to my boss, co-workers and a few friends. However, I didn’t make a big deal about it. Everyone has something, so no one wants to hear a sob story. However, I might seem eccentric to some, so ASD explains this to some extent.

I can't stand it when people tell me that everyone has something. Everyone's life is not as impaired and as difficult to live as some of ours and many other people's who have severe disabilities or challenging illnesses. Every time anyone has ever said to me that everyone has something, it's when I am asking for help or for an accommodation that I desperately need and they don't want to do it. And I know plenty of people who don't have "something."

Even if they do have "something", chances are they don't have "all the things -- at the same time", like we do.

I agree it's a BS copout.

I doubt any of them could tolerate five minutes in my life, for sensory reasons alone.

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the replies! Food for thought

Yeah, it's true, I could disclose (after much debate with myself, for instance) and only get a blank look from the other because they don't know much about ASD anyway, or don't care!

Re. my comment about only making friends with other ASDers, I guess the psychologist who diagnosed me said ASD peeps tended to get along better with other ASD peeps because NTs often didn't "get it". That's probably an over-generalisation, though.

As a side note, I feel a bit relieved to finally get the diagnosis. It explains a lot. On the other hand, it means that I naturally will find certain things a lot harder . But danged if I'm going to let this all turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy

Take care, guys

Yes to this!!

You have no idea who is Autistic and who isn't. So choosing to make friends with only Autistics, how will that work? You didn't know yourself until you were 46. I didn't know I was Autistic until I was 45 and then got my official diagnosis at 47. You might already be friends with Autistics who have no idea that they are Autistic. Just be friends with whomever will be friends with you no matter what their neurology is.

I actually think it's fairly easy to spot fellow autists. I feel validated in this because I have heard the famous English therapist who specializes in autism say the same thing, that he can just tell by talking to or watching someone. And having awareness of noticing those on the spectrum enables me to understand them better, which is a good thing.

And even if you got it wrong, it hardly matters. If it quacks like a duck, it'll probably serve as a duck. Me, I just tend to go for people who share my attitudes and interests to a reasonable degree. In doing that I've ended up with friends who I suspect on the whole have more Aspie traits than the general population does. But I don't think it's important to actually diagnose them. It's enough for me if we've got stuff in common that we can share together. I'm somewhat suspicious of NTs and mainstream people, but I always like to give any individual a fair chance at giving me a fair chance.

Still, if it helps speed things up by trying to spot Aspies, I guess many of us could use a bit of speeding up in the friend-making area. Just that personally I'm a tad wary of taking it too far and ending up selecting Aspies just because they're Aspies. I wouldn't want a situation where I'd led somebody on if it turned out that our special interests didn't overlap enough to give us stuff to share easily. It would be tedious if they bored me with stuff that only they were interested in while I wanted to bang on about what fires my own imagination but got nowhere because it was too far removed from their particular passions.

Yeah. I mean, truth be told in my life, I basically was just referring to work or incidental encounters with folks in life, not necessarily in my personal life. My current BFFs are not on the spectrum. I usually tell them eventually that I am (if they have stuck around long enough) so they can have an inkling why I am different than they might be used to. I had 1 date with a guy a year + ago and as soon as he answered the door and moved a few steps I knew he was a fellow aspie At work there are a few nurses who are awkward and whom I have identified as aspie. I usually go out of my way a bit more to say hi and make them feel welcomed. Another guy I used to crush on is on the spectrum and I also figured out he has alexithymia. I don't know, like anything, it seems to get easier to diagnose with experience ?

I don't seek out encounters with people, and I would never really have the opportunity to have a pool of people to even say to myself, "Who is the aspie here that I can hang out with?" Anymore, I choose to be around Christians trying to live in God's will as I have precious little time to hang out anyway.

Last edited by MissMary227 on 06 Jan 2023, 1:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Me neither, my ideas would be for who to talk to and work with (assuming there's any choice) as well as for deeper friendships.

No, I don't have that luxury either, probably because I don't look for it either.

Can't be a bad idea to stick to those who have a lot in common with you - in your case, your religion.

It might be easy to spot if you know what to look for but the average person cannot tell unless the Autistic has very specific signs. When I was diagnosed at 47, no one that knew me at all had any idea. I only found out because someone who was a specialist told me. Most of us get told all the time that people have no idea that we are Autistic. And many of us have experienced people arguing with us and telling us that we can't be Autistic. There are thousands of Autistic people who are not obvious. That is one reason that they get diagnosed so late in life or not at all.

Some people still have archaic notions about autism.

Some feel an autistic person has to be nonverbal, make only noises when trying to be verbal, and spend all their time spinning objects.

I'm not sure how good I'll be at spotting other Aspies.

It took me 64 years to even wonder if *I* was an Aspie.

Interesting. I find it rather easy..... I have heard it's hard to find a therapist that knows about autism. That might be part of the confusion here in the states. It sounds like England is way ahead of us regarding autism diagnosis and treatment.

Maybe I have autism radar :nerd:

If you know what to look for you can spot Autistic traits, and you can suspect someone is autistic. One does not know their thought processing, what they are like in private, and what they were like as little kids(autism is a developmental condition after all). There are a number of conditions that have a number of Autistics traits.

Yes to this!! ! Many neurological conditions can look like Autism but not actually be Autism.