Selective Mutism

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ok just want some confirmation....i have to talk at work. i do demos and i'm required to greet passing customers and spew out a bunch of facts about the product. i'm good for about 30 min. then i'm reduced to prices and answering questions, then my glasses come of, i look down and i'm can barely speak. and after like 5 hours, i cannot even articulate what the product is. my whole body shuts down with anxiety. I do this with large groups of people talking, certain people i have platonic crushes on, and people who i perceive as harmful/toxic. i also have bruxism (grinding teeth and jaw misaligned). i'm pretty sure it meets the criteria of selective mutism but i'd like to hear from wrongplanet people. can you relate?

Yes. I can relate. What is happening is that you are becoming completely drained and exhausted socially and your brain functioning is shutting down.

sounds like it from here. Are you allowed to take breaks ? Simple overload can be a factor here too, all stressful and the more you are worrying about it the worse it gets, eh?

No answers but lots of empathy sent your way!

I had selective mutism a lot when I was young and have it less today. It is worse under stress, As I developed social scripts I gradually got better at "work things" that required certain interactions. But of course there are situations that are just not "in the scripts". That's when I draw a blank.

Selective Mutism is more a function of speech inhibition with certain people (thus the "selective" part). For example, being able to speak at home but not in school or with strangers.

spew out a bunch of facts about the product. i'm good for about 30 min

It sounds more like your "battery" runs low. One thing you might try is to "spew out" only one or two minutes of facts and then rely on answering questions from your customer. This might be less draining.

From the teeth grinding, it sounds like you are accumulating a lot of stress. Some employers are unaware of the stress they place on employees. Others do so intentionally. You may have to pace yourself to make sure your health (dental or otherwise) is not at risk.

How long have you been working in this job?

One of the problems that Aspies will sometimes experience is a breakdown. Breakdowns occur in the following manner. Stress builds up and up and up until it reaches a breaking point. And then it explodes into a meltdown. In a meltdown you lose the ability to communicate, to react. You fall apart.

So the most important thing I can tell you is that there is a way to break meltdowns. It takes a certain form of exercise to build up a resistance to this problem. To break a meltdown, you need to do something similar to running a 50 yard dash at full speed. Do this ten times in a row and it will break your meltdown. It is a type of cure to the problem.

NTs (normal people) will sometimes experience meltdowns if they deal in high stress jobs. And this is the cure that gets them back to normal.

Generally it is better to perform this before you are inside a meltdown. When you begin to feel the stress building up, that is a good time to vent the stress away.

That is not always how it works.

i took all of that in. thanks so much

yes! i can literally feel it. it's no so bad dealing with it knowing other people understand

yes, you're right

well let me put it this way. i worked a very similar job where i stood in open space in a store and offered free home estimates. though my boss didn't require it, my coworkers pressured me to call out and "bother"passing customers. I choose not to, but i still had to stand or sit there and if i didn't say anything, i felt like a spectacle..so i'd sit very deep in the display of my kiosk thing, people thought i was a mannequin or something hehe. and i even dreaded when customers were actually interested. but i left there and have been doing food sample demos since nov. so i'm busy preparing food so i'm not required a lot of eye contact, but i'm expected to pitch the product.

is this something i do before or during a meltdown? it sounds like you're saying it's a preventative measure

It is a preventative measure. It is a little hard to do this during a meltdown. The best approach is to make it part of your routine. Performing this type of exercise periodically should help you to control meltdowns.

When we are children in school, they normally provide various forms of exercise. But as we grow up and leave home, our daily routine normally does not include this. The best approach is to include a form of intense exercise into our daily lives.

I am an athlete and I do intense exercises almost daily. That does absolutely nothing to prevent my meltdowns. My meltdowns are NOT caused a buildup of stress. If your meltdowns are caused by a buildup of stress, then this will definitely help you. But if they are not caused by that, it might not help you. You need to know exactly what causes your meltdowns. It's not a one fix fixes all solution.

It sounds like there are two sides to every coin.

I have been subjected to great stress in my lifetime. But I was able to manage my stress through extreme forms of exercise. So it may not be a one side fits all, but it is an approach that worked for me. Consider a very, very stressful job. One where your life is put on the line. How do Navy Seals respond to extreme stress?

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When’s the last time you paid attention to your breath? Most of us take it for granted and don’t stop to think how deeply we inhale or exhale. But most of us also survive on shallow breaths that have us living on edge constantly.

Controlled breathing is the fastest, most effective way to trigger the relaxation response.

“We take better care of our phones than ourselves,” says Everatt. “When our phone battery goes from green to red, we immediately stop and recharge. But when our own bodies go into the red zone, we push through. Living in the red zone means living in a zone of depletion where we’re more susceptible to burnout, anxiety, or depression.”

The Navy SEALs use two breathing techniques that force the body into a more relaxed state when they’re in a high-pressure situation.

Tactical breathing

“Tactical breathing” is a technique to use when you feel yourself having a fight-or-flight response. It involves all your breathing muscles–from chest to belly.

Here’s how it works: Place your right hand on your belly, pushing out with a big exhale. Then breathe in through your nostrils, slowly drawing the breath upward from your belly to your upper chest.

Pause and exhale, starting from your chest and moving downward to the air in your belly. Imagine your belly button touching your spine.

Once you’re comfortable with a full, deep breath, repeat it, this time making the exhale twice as long as the length of the inhale. For example, inhale to the count of four, pause briefly, and exhale to the count of eight. Repeat three times.

Box breathing

The second Navy SEAL technique is called “box breathing,” and it’s meant to ground you, sharpen your concentration, and leave you feeling alert but calm. It uses the tactical breath technique over a longer period of time in a “box pattern.” You inhale, hold, exhale, hold–each for the same duration.

Start by pushing the air out of your chest, keeping your lungs empty for the count of four. Then start the tactical breathing, inhaling through your nose for a count of four, drawing air into your belly and moving up into your chest. Hold the air in your lungs for a count of four.

The movement should feel fluid and open; don’t clamp down at the back of your throat. Exhale smoothly, starting at the chest and moving to the belly, for four slow counts. Complete the box with a pause of four before beginning another repetition.

Continue this technique for five minutes, building your breath strength by using your full range of breathing muscles as you draw in and push out breath.

Source: These Navy SEAL tricks will help you perform better under pressure

I would get fired if I behaved like you did in the previous job

Glad you're doing the food demos now as that seems better.

I think I would behave similarly to you and have the same meltdowns.