My mother wants me gone

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I'm not on the best terms with my mother anymore. She tells me I'm an ungrateful, disrespectful, needy, whiny so-and-so when my father tries to help and she wants me to do everything myself from now on. When we have dinner or when they call me for something, all they hear is a loud, disgusted sigh. My mother wants me to do all my own meals from now on, it seems, because of this.

I'm trying to move out, but apparently, it's not moving fast enough (I live near Sacramento). My mother really does want me gone, so that she can be at peace again, because nothing anyone ever does for me is met with gratitude on my part. I feel terrible and want to make it right, but I'm afraid I'm too far gone to fix it. I sometimes wish my autism could be cured so I could be a better person.

What can I do?

Do your parents know you are autistic?

Have you tried not accepting any helps until you need them so much you are grateful? Sometimes, people get depressed for years, and plan a suicide. Then, when staring at the actual physical danger, their amygdala kicks in, and they get a rush of "will to live" and are glad to be rescued. Maybe try the streets for a day or so at a time, to inform yourself and give your mother a break.

Your relationship with your parents will hopefully improve, once you’ve moved out, as usually happens. Leaving the nest is a natural part of becoming an adult. For those who will always need support, this is where assisted living comes in. After all, parents aren’t going to be around forever, & as they age, they too deserve to have a life with minimal stress.

I hope you’re able to find a place soon & that you’ll be wishing you’d done it sooner once you realise how good it is to have your own place. Here in the UK, it’s much harder for people to afford a place by themselves, so a house share is common. Australia was always alot more affordable, as was the US.

Your wanting to try is a good sign. Sometimes it can be helpful to think "outside the box". If your family is upset with you for not recognizing what they expect you to, you might ask them of the could signal you each time this happens. For example, if you made a game of it such as their telling you "602" every time you express dissatisfaction such as a "sigh", you might get the feedback you need to help you learn better how to modify yourself and not trigger negative reactions from others.

It is a little late in the game, but as long as you are willing to learn, there is hope.

My daughter is 22 and still has much to learn in the area of not being transparent with reactions.

Move out? If there's no hope it'll get better... . There's probably social services in your area that can put you on the right track when it comes to finding housing if you have an autism label, which can greatly speed up the process and give you various allowances. Maybe also having your father help you with it all if he's able; your mother probably should if she wants you gone and is capable of helping. Best to do it now when you have a parent or two that might be able to help you, as it's far harder when there's no one to help and you're disabled.

Currently doing such over here, just no family to help. Kinda left it a little too late with the planning in that I'd always need to do it one day, but whatever; the disorganized schizo and PTSD are probably far more of an issue than the autism for me. You'd be surprised what you can do when you have to.

How much savings do you have?

What country do you live in?

Do you have a source of income?

Sorry for being nosy.....but we need this general information in order to advise you at least somewhat informatively.

Does your mother know you're autistic? I don't think the behaviour of your mother is appropriate.

My mother became more bearable after she read a book for parents with children with autism. Though I was already over 35 years old at that point, and I'm living in my own appartment since I was around 20. Would be too stressful to live together with her.

Have you considered contacting Vocational Rehab Services in Sacramento?

Or if not, Developmental Disability Services?

Both services are currently helping me find my first apartment and regarding your mom's behavior, I can relate to this.
My mom often accuses me of very much the same things ever since I was diagnosed back in the Summer of 2015 with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Have you been diagnosed with mental health issues?

Just like Sir Kraftie Kortie, I am also sorry for being nosy.

She knows I'm autistic, and that's actually part of the problem, that I feel like I'm not doing more to pull my own weight.

That is a difficult situation, he's right, your mom is being unreasonable. I do not have a relationship with my parents, partially because of autism. They do not know I'm autistic, as a child it was very isolating. That is because they were sh***y parents. If I told them, even with a doctor's note, they'd say I'm complaining and to "pick myself up by my bootstraps", was a favorite.

One of the best things I did was get out of there. It took me longer than it should have, but when I was out, things were a lot easier. I could control my own environment, I did not have to worry about disappointing my parents by being weird, or hear my dad talk at the top of his voice at 7am.

Hopefully your relationship with your parents does not crumble like mine, we have many issues. Usually moving out reduces tension and then relationships can heal.

Give yourself time, there are services to help if you need them. For food, I usually eat the same thing everyday and they are very easy to prepare. I used to prepare my dinners once a week, make a big thing of mixed veggies and freeze them. It gets easier with time, and without living in a tense environment.