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playgroundlover22695
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14 Jan 2023, 11:01 pm

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome as a young girl (roughly 5 or so). I had an IEP all throughout my schooling, but I was mostly in the regular ed classes with support. I've found that as an adult, it doesn't seem to be affecting me nearly as much as it did. While I am shy, I don't have social anxiety or feel upset about meeting new people. I don't do a lot of the quirky things I used to do in school. (Talking to myself, making weird sounds to myself, etc.) I also don't flap my arms nearly as much as I used to, though I do sometimes. I still don't drive though and I'm still a very picky eater, but I have gotten a lot better with loud noises. (I think going to rock concerts has helped with the latter.) This is causing me to wonder if my Autism is slowly fading away to the point I won't have it anymore someday or if it's just changing into something new. I'm not even sure if Autism is something which goes away or not. I know it's weird, but I don't want to be cured of my Autism because I feel like I would be like losing a part of me. Anyone else have an opinion on this?



Edna3362
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15 Jan 2023, 1:36 am

Depending on the case.

In many cases, it's superficial -- AKA masking.
Their natural movement and inclinations are to be weird, and yet are just as dysregulated.
Just suppressed and pretend to be 'alright with it'.
Their still autistic -- but pretends not to.

In others, the need to do something 'weird' was simply lessen to a degree.
Many of these behaviors are usually to do with either self regulation issues that do lead to perception and behavioral issues.
And self regulation issues may came from general human neglect, emotional baggage, health issues, or hostile environment.

It was a result of gradual recovery from burnout and mental health, or being really good at self care or just being in a right place -- or a better and a safer place than previously been.


But overall, in my point of view, it's just more executive function and management through experience.

I never became less autistic when I got better executive function, in fact I've never felt more like myself the more I have it.
Autism just became more of an advantage than something that had to convince and had to balance at the top of my head.
But also because I got less stuff to drag over that made management harder or too hard.

Far from "cured" -- just more functioning, more in control of self, less things to manage in the inside that did caused trouble and in need of more energy to give little to no matter impact.


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Silence23
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15 Jan 2023, 4:29 am

I think I became more autistic with age. E.g. my fixations and need for routine became stronger. I also don't try to mimic normal social interaction behaviours anymore, which only makes social interaction more stressful to me anyway.

But by changing my psychological behaviour patterns I could appear less autistic, I guess. I'm not interested in changing that however.


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ASPartOfMe
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15 Jan 2023, 5:24 am

People evolve as they grow older, and autistic people are no different.

Some people become "less autistic" for the reasons stated above, and some become "more autistic" due to more responsibilities and expectations overwhelming them. I don't believe the levels of mildness/severity of one's autism changes over time but circumstances do.


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15 Jan 2023, 12:18 pm

My Autism might appear to have gotten weaker or stronger over time. Both!

As I've gotten older I've improved my coping skills so it might look like my Autistic traits are getting weaker.
:wink: Actually I'm just doing a better job of infiltrating the NT world.

As I've gotten older I've gotten better at controlling my environment and shaping it to be more comfortable, so I'm getting less tolerant of things in my environment that bother me, so it might look like like my Autistic traits are getting stronger.
:roll: Actually I just feel less need to tolerate things that bother me.


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lostonearth35
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15 Jan 2023, 1:26 pm

I think that when you become an adult who has more freedom and allowed to make your own choices, the negativity of Asperger's becomes less obvious. I don't think it fades at all, it's a lifelong condition. The reason I haven't gone completely insane and ended up in a ditch somewhere is because I now live in my own apartment instead of a home for the chronically mentally ill and I'm able to choose what to eat, what to wear, when to go to sleep, when to get up, and so on.

Of course, I'll be lucky if the evil, greed and stupidity of the human race doesn't drive me completely insane and into an early grave. And the pandemic. And the billion and one other diseases I could get at any time.



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15 Jan 2023, 7:39 pm

I had a major burnout in adulthood, and my autism symptoms got worse from that. On the flip side though, I know more coping skills now and practice better self-care. While my symptoms are still there, I do manage them better now than I did in the past. To the casual onlooker, it likely looks as though my symptoms have faded over time. I'm certainly more comfortable now than I was ten/fifteen years ago. I'll take it.



playgroundlover22695
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15 Jan 2023, 9:40 pm

The weird thing is, I don't feel like I'm masking my symptoms. If I get really excited then I will flap my arms on occasion, but it's much less frequently than when I was younger. Also, when I go out, I have no problem talking to people if I need assistance with something (ex. Finding something at a store or asking for the latest pool schedule at the Y.) I have read on here that many people with autism get social hangovers with really bad headaches when they get around a lot of people. The truth is, I've never experienced that. In fact, I very rarely get headaches in general. I actually like getting out of my house to be around people, so long as it's not too crowded. I never used to be okay with loud noises, but now I don't mind really loud music. As long as the noises aren't sudden then I'm fine. If they are, I just block my ears for a minute.

What I have noticed as I've reached adulthood is that I've had an increased number of sad and sometimes suicidal thoughts. I find myself feeling so deeply depressed sometimes when my friends are sick and I don't know what's wrong with them. The thought of my loved ones being sick and me not being able to help them gives me an aching tummy and makes me shake and cry. I also cry at night on occasion when I find myself feeling very lonely and realizing that no one is going to want me in their lives forever because of my overbearing personality. Maybe my Asperger's syndrome is turning into a mild form of depression?? I honestly don't know. :roll:



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15 Jan 2023, 10:32 pm

Maybe you're like me who ended up getting away with things unmasked. Most of my natural expressions are appropriate enough to pass without masking.
It also means you likely do not have dyssemia, which is common in autism.
Maybe you're like me who don't have anxiety issues.

Also maybe you're not like most aspies who are inclined to be introverted.
Last time I had an actual social hungover was socializing with few different groups of people for over 20 hours straight. Maybe your threshold is also high like mine.

And the same way with the sensory aspects.
As a child, I was so reactive to noises. It's more of a psych issue and emotional regulation issue than purely intensity issue. It faded away as I grew older and be less reactive.
I rarely get sensory related headaches.
Most of my headaches came from 3 other different sources instead since quiet time didn't made it go away.


Then for the mental health issues...
Does it have a pattern?
Mine gets bad before period. My own personality isn't overbearing or easily worried. Loneliness is the least of my worries. And my helplessness is manifested in violent behaviors than symptoms... Like many things do for me and are usually circumstantial than, say, chronically in the background.

While our autism/s might be a bit similar, our respective personalities certainly isn't.


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playgroundlover22695
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16 Jan 2023, 9:58 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
Maybe you're like me who ended up getting away with things unmasked. Most of my natural expressions are appropriate enough to pass without masking.
It also means you likely do not have dyssemia, which is common in autism.
Maybe you're like me who don't have anxiety issues.

Also maybe you're not like most aspies who are inclined to be introverted.
Last time I had an actual social hungover was socializing with few different groups of people for over 20 hours straight. Maybe your threshold is also high like mine.

And the same way with the sensory aspects.
As a child, I was so reactive to noises. It's more of a psych issue and emotional regulation issue than purely intensity issue. It faded away as I grew older and be less reactive.
I rarely get sensory related headaches.
Most of my headaches came from 3 other different sources instead since quiet time didn't made it go away.


Then for the mental health issues...
Does it have a pattern?
Mine gets bad before period. My own personality isn't overbearing or easily worried. Loneliness is the least of my worries. And my helplessness is manifested in violent behaviors than symptoms... Like many things do for me and are usually circumstantial than, say, chronically in the background.

While our autism/s might be a bit similar, our respective personalities certainly isn't.


My mental issues stem from the fact that sometimes I just feel so alone and my heart aches knowing that I probably won't get a chance to have a relationship with someone who will love me unconditionally forever, or have children of my own. My best friend of over 13 years told me that she's getting married, but her wedding is only for her closest friends in the wedding party. Apparently I'm no longer one of them. Now my other friend recently told me that no one is my friend and that if I cry at her funeral, God is going to punish me by taking away my family. Sometimes I just have trouble thinking of reasons why I should stay alive to plan my family's funeral(s). That to me is an extremely sad life. No friends and my whole family dying at the same time? That's not going to give me much to live for. Just saying. Around my period I do tend to cry more, but to be honest, I haven't cried in a few days because I'm out of tears for now.

Also, I do have anxiety. Just not social anxiety. I have several intense phobias including heights, public restrooms, aquaphobia, and any bugs you can imagine. I also don't drive, ride a bike, roller skate, ice skate, swim, ski, or participate in other sports. When I get immensely stressed, I don't usually get a headache. Instead I wake up early with bad cramps in my stomach that leave me tossing and turning and then rubbing my tummy in circles, trying to fall back asleep.

My digestion is wonky sometimes too. The other day, I felt bloated and "blocked up" so I drank 2 heaping tablespoons of fiber supplement powder in orange juice. I woke up very early the next morning with stabbing cramps in my stomach. The cramps were bad enough for me to get up and put a heating pad on my tummy. After a few minutes of me massaging my tummy over the warm pad, I was able to fall back asleep and when I woke up in the morning, the heat had soothed my cramps away. Since then I haven't used that powder. I have heard that digestion is an ASD issue.

So, as I said. I know right now I still have ASD, but I just have a lot going through my mind. I appreciate your support.



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17 Jan 2023, 12:09 am

You have my support during this difficult time of dealing with cruel people.

Stomach/gut issues are indeed a lot more common for autistic people.

You have a lot going on now. If I can give you some advice it would be to focus on one problem at a time. I say that because a lot of autistic people have problems multitasking but are good at hyper focusing.


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17 Jan 2023, 9:45 am

Hi PlaygroundLover.

I'll give you support. I'm sorry you're going through life like this.

At least you're qualified in something quite important.



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17 Jan 2023, 10:01 am

This is an interesting question. From my perspective, it doesn't really go away but I find ways to deal with it. Before long my strange traits made me UNIQUE. I thought differently and did stuff differently than most NTs. It actually made me ME. An I am pleased by the result.

P.S. I am 74 years old.

So learn to use your unique strengths to overcome your weaknesses.


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17 Jan 2023, 10:19 am

From my own anecdotal experience, I can say that the manifestation of my ASD/HFA (then called Aspergers, diagnosed in 2001 at age 27) has faded BUT...but but but... I don't think it happened 100% organically, I'm not sure what percentage... I believe that my manifestations became more diluted due to having more self-awareness and conscious controls that became more natural during the '90s, i.e. no more urge to interrupt and blurt out non-sequiturs, or stimming, or monotone speech, or talking too close to people, or have a hunched "defeated" posture in certain settings like bars and clubs...which basically had me in an "incel" status as they'd call it today... but I had certain advantages in that I had a small circle of close friends who coached me - they were obviously very enlightened as this was in the '90s when insults like "spazz" and "ret*d" still floated around quite a bit (rarely got those, but once in a while I did, or I got what today they'd call a microaggression).

Things that disappeared during my 20s:
- noise sensitivity
- smell sensitivity
- picky eating, and awkward table manners (I dealt with abusive responses from my former stepmom to "fix" this) :(
- routines - I got much more flexible
- being withdrawn (I was timid and pessimistic about interactions in my teens and childhood), and I became more outgoing and gregarious, but often resulted in hostility or other negative response
- improper hygiene and dress - I was very appearance conscious
- meltdowns (they called them "hyper fits" back in the day)
- obsessive & eccentric interests; I even got more into popular music and sports factoids

I still had a bit of trouble being blindsided by unspoken rules, and not intuitively "seeing the big picture", but these diminished by consciously applying certain indirect inquiring strategies. That part was the more conscious mitigation, not the "organic" erosion of symptoms.

I think what also helped was that I never took any inward personal responsibility for being on the receiving end of bullying or even harsh responses from honest mistakes - I simply looked at it as the other person's own inflexibility, and that I'm still on a learning journey, that my intent and character were what mattered. So that helped me stay sane with a fairly healthy self-esteem; it's like I had to inoculate myself with a little bit of narcissism, but not full-blown :D



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17 Jan 2023, 11:51 am

It could be that you are in the right kind of living situation / job / environment that you needed to thrive. If so, that is awesome.

I think my expression of ASD has changed over time, for sure. I'm not nearly as bothered by seams in clothing or tags on shirts as I used to be (to be fair, a lot of companies just make those things more comfortable now). I am way less afraid of reading aloud in front of people. I still hate classrooms and churches with circles of chairs, so that's the same. I was never really afraid of meeting new people; that seems consistent as well.

However... I find that, as an adult woman, the sheer quantity of multitasking I am expected to perform is so far beyond my sustainable limit that I am probably way more stressed by my ASD now than I was as a kid. It's to the point now where my partner changing weekend plans is enough to ruin my whole week. I think this is environmental though. Thanks to my job, I'm a like a rubber band that is stretched to its limit some days.



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17 Jan 2023, 12:56 pm

No; autism is a lifelong condition. People might appear "less" or "more" autistic over time, but I think that comes down to the person's circumstances rather than the person themselves. For example, someone might become more visibly autistic after learning to come to terms with their autism (e.g. if they've been recently diagnosed).