I have reached the boiling point with my current life!! !

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I'm sure it's a common problem. My wife has something similar going on with her dad, though there's no particular pressure on her to look after him, except an internalised sense of duty. It's clearly a very tiring and frustrating role she's got. He's a nice guy but Few old people want to be put in a care home. It looks like we'll end up living next door to him, which will be a double-edged sword - it'll save the tiring journeys but we're not going to be able to get away from him any more.

I don't know any good solutions except to do what you feel you can without compromising your own lives too much. I suppose if there's two of you then at least you can take it in turns. There might be some way to get society to pick up the tab - e.g. home-help visits from the healthcare people, and if that neighbour feels so strongly that your mum needs looking after, then it'll be interesting to see how much they're prepared to do themselves. I guess caring for the elderly is rather a hot potato, and we all have valid reasons for not wanting to do it. Health authorities often try to duck out of the job, and so do relatives. Usually it's the women who end up doing most of the work. It's very sad that near the end of a person's life things get this way. It's very hard on everybody.

Humans like to pretend that their lives are proceeding in the most harmonious, natural way - parents loving and caring wisely for their children, and eventually receiving loving care from them. When there are enough resources, the urge to nurture anything in need is quite enjoyable, from house plants to libraries. Many people have strong attachments to their parents, and hate to see them go. In poor countries, people have large families in hopes that some children will survive to provide in old age. Strong pension programs cause birth rates to tumble, even going below replacement numbers.

However, things often don't go to plan, which is why it takes several children to only improve retirement security. If the environment is bad or resources scarce, compromises must be made. If Ma Nature has been tinkering with the genes, maybe love and care are not running well, but people will still try to pretend they are. These days, medicine can extend life for years, requiring much care but, unlike childcare, only leading to decline, not growth.

In a "natural" home, the oldest members don't discourage spouses coming in. Basically, they want to see grandkids with their genes, and they can help in many ways. These days, however, there are so many children that they only get a small fraction of the natural inheritance that grandparents were born to. Things are not going to plan. When an Eskimo tribe hit hard times, rather than let the pregnant women and babies go hungry (which made the kids permanent liabilities) the old folks would move to an ice floe and vanish.

In the UK there is what’s known as Sheltered accommodation for elderly people.

It’s cheap one bedroom small flats within a larger building with a communal area and a warden

I believe similar things exist for autistic people but probably not in the numbers needed.

Anyway your mother would have 100% independence to go where she liked when she liked and live exactly how she does now doing her own cooking and privacy etc

But there would be a button on the wall to press in a medical emergency, people to look out for her and a large social environment if she chooses.

So quite a good deal

Being on one's own shouldn't disqualify one from SS. But can you live without some sort of support? I can't help getting the impression that your mother also acts as a caregiver. Now as you say you have case workers, do they agree that she has dementia?

In general, somebody who can't get any sort of job may not be capable of living on their own without some sort of support, which somebody would have to pay for. Because you live with your mother, you can avoid that expense (I would assume given I don't know more detail about your personal situation).

If there are jobs for which you might qualify, then it's also possible that the county in which you live might provide transportation in other words a mobility service. You should probably look into that however as I don't know where you live I can't really tell you how to go about it.

So basically living with your mother should not stop you from getting a job. As regards having a boyfriend, if there's a guy you like you should be able to see him except that, as your caregiver, your mother may be stopping you from having close contact with him. If she's able to do that, then I would question whether she has dementia because when somebody truly has dementia they don't know what's going on like if your boyfriend were to come into the house she wouldn't know who he was. You could tell her he's the plumber and she'd believe you. BTW it's commonplace for those acting as caregivers for disabled people to think themselves responsible for preventing those people from being sexually active. They may in fact be liable if the person did have sex and it caused some kind of trouble. I don't know if that applies in your situation.

Thinking further, if you have some source of financial support from the SSA, the state or county (just what is TMS money, I couldn't get the answer from Google) then you might use it for Uber or Lyft to go places you want, but if you try living on your own you will probably have too many living expenses to afford that.