Seeing the person behind the grossness-- any tips?

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Do you have trouble hugging or standing/sitting close to people who don't shower regularly-- especially the people who don't know how gross they are, refuse to believe it, or refuse to do anything about it? And people with food rotting in their mouth, and people with roting teeth, and people who just ate gross food and still have it on their breath? And homeless people that smell like they slept in a sewer or latrine? I even have a hard time talking to them or about them or joking with them or helping or comforting them. People with oily and/or pockmarked skin I don't have that problem with; yeah, I find it a bit gross, but not enough to recoil from it, and I am often oily and pockmarked myself. I'm totally cool with festering wounds as well. Just not with certain substances! Snot I'm also not good with. Someone blowing their nose is fine, someone with snot in their nose or coming out of it isn't. Phlegm? Same thing; if they spit into dirt or into a drain and wash it down I'm fine; if they spit on the pavement and it's raining that's cool, but anything else I have a problem with.


Who else here has this same problem? Yeah, I'm getting wilder and grosser.

No suggestions here, but I have similar issues, even with my own husband. I can't stand when he doesn't shower in the morning. He sweats a lot at night and he stinks. He know how I feel about this. I don't understand how he can stand himself when he smells that way, is all greasy-haired, etc. He simply doesn't care. At lest he'll shower before he comes to bed if he missed his morning shower. He works from home and sometimes gets stuck on conferece calls and then gets busy, so why can't he shower BEFORE he starts working? I'll never understand. I am very anal retentive about cleanliness and I can't go more than 24 hours without showering- less if I've gotten sweaty. I"ll often take 2 showers ina day, sometimes more. I have an elevated sense of smell and I know this, but it still doesn't make it any less gross to me.

His G-pa always smells like he's not showered in a week, bad BO. I cringe when I have to hug him.

Yeah, that is one reason why my male friend is just a friend... the mere idea of physical contact with him makes my skin crawl.

WHY should you want to change this behaviour? If they don't want to be clean, they should EXPECT your aversion! CHERISH IT! You have NO idea what OTHER things could be wrong. They could even have lice, crabs, or some kind of virus.

Yes! There are some people I can literally smell the moment they come through the library doors. It makes me ill. People who use an excessive amount of cologne or perfume have the same effect on me.

I always recoil at least slightly at the smell of perfume because I can't help wondering what the people who used it are trying to hide.

Eggy farts?

UGH, those you can still smell thru the perfume!


People who never showered are grosser than they think a lot of the time; it isn't just dirt and sweat but also the result of our "civilized" countries' tendencies to use toilet paper instead of soap and water... multiplied by a few days!

Damn... Ana! What kind of people are you hanging out with?! Why are you complaining about how bums smell? If you don't like how bums smell bad and don't shower, maybe you should personally give them baths and teach them hygiene. People with rotting teeth with rotting food in their mouths? What the poop? I rarely see these kinds of people. I guess that's because I live in New Hampshire. I'm curious though... where the heck do you live where you find these kinds of people?

As for sympathy, there was this kid with whom I took a class this semester. He was kind of my friend and he was handicapped (had muscular dystrophy or something). But that prevented him from being able to shower much. And man, did he f*****g stink. Sometimes it was really hard to be near him the odor was so powerful. But I never spent much time with him.

Wow. My husband and I go around and around over this. I can't handle even slight people smells, and if he skips a shower I can get almost physically sick. We are trying to work it out. I'm so relieved that I am not the only person like this.

My mother was so depressed once that she would lie in bed without showering for a long time; she didn't like the shared bathroom and thought it was cleaner not to shower at all! She still only showers like once a week, or twice. I think she washes at a sink, but that's not enough! It's hard for me to show her affection sometimes because of that.


Okay, now that sounded just wrong, right?


I've had my gross moments too, so I'm not being a snob, but BLEAH! At least I admit it!

mum has very sweaty feet and uses cheap perfume and body spray on her feet to hide the smell of the sweat,don't know which one is worse,they both mix together as well which makes am feel sick.

Ana,

Frank has a GOOD point! WHERE DO YOU LIVE?!?!? Many Americans used to laugh at the idea of some western europeans because they bathed like only once a week! Eastern European nations tend to be worse. Other nations tend to even be WORSE!

Frankly, I take a shower an average of once a day. Sometimes MORE often. I try to get every millimeter from the soles of my feet to the top of my head. Frankly, I don't see bums anymore. When I DID, I wouldn't get very close, etc... If someone stinks, I don't try to stick around. I have NEVER had lice, crabs, fleas, and I don't think I even had mites or ticks. I DID, admittedly, get athletes foot a few times, because of people not taking care of their environment. In such cases, I get rid of it pretty quick with epsom salts. Crabs and lice apparently love people that rarely wash. Heck, a little water in an old tire seems relatively harmless, but it can smell, breed mosquittos, and even help spread maleria or worse. It is in everyones best interest to keep clean.

I really dislike the smell of excessive perfume.
I really dislike the smell of stinky feet.
I really dislike the smell of dirty hair.
I really dislike the smell of ciggarette breath.

I really dislike the look of mucus.
I really dislike the look of food stuck in peoples teeth.

I dislike alot of things.

Oh, Frank... 2ukenkerl, I kept forgetting to respond to that question! I actually live (and have always lives) in Canada! People here aren't that clean... I was in a public bathroom once and two people came in and used the toilet... one didn't flush, the other didn't wash her hands.

I wish I could say the US was different. ALAS, NO! In fact, I just got a bottle of vicks early defense. Unlike purell, it leaves a bacteriostat. I am one of the few that leaves the bathroom CLEANER than when I went in. In fact, I probably go there 10% of the time to ONLY wash my hands. Still, you weer talking about a sutuation that was even WORSE!

Steve