How often do people with autism get accused of manipulating?

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justanotherpersonsomewhere23124
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26 Sep 2023, 6:46 pm

Am just wondering, how often is it that autistic people (or anybody with a disability, for that matter), gets accused of manipulating people, even if they are not? Has this ever happened to you?

UPDATE:
Just wanted to add, how often do you guys think that autistic people or people with disabilities get accused of this simply because they have a disability?



Last edited by justanotherpersonsomewhere23124 on 26 Sep 2023, 8:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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26 Sep 2023, 7:01 pm

First, Welcome Aboard!

I have been accused of manipulating . . . most often by people whom I have exposed as manipulators.

Sometimes, after I have done my research and laid out all the facts, a business rival has accused me of trying to manipulate the decisions of customers or higher-ups against his sales pitches, which are full of factual errors, fallacious reasoning, and appeals to emotion.

It sucks, but some people are just like that.


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Sailon
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26 Sep 2023, 7:35 pm

Fnord wrote:
First, Welcome Aboard!

I have been accused of manipulating . . . most often by people whom I have exposed as manipulators.

Sometimes, after I have done my research and laid out all the facts, a business rival has accused me of trying to manipulate the decisions of customers or higher-ups against his sales pitches, which are full of factual errors, fallacious reasoning, and appeals to emotion.

It sucks, but some people are just like that.


I was thinking the same thing.



justanotherpersonsomewhere23124
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26 Sep 2023, 8:08 pm

Fnord wrote:
First, Welcome Aboard!

I have been accused of manipulating . . . most often by people whom I have exposed as manipulators.

Sometimes, after I have done my research and laid out all the facts, a business rival has accused me of trying to manipulate the decisions of customers or higher-ups against his sales pitches, which are full of factual errors, fallacious reasoning, and appeals to emotion.

It sucks, but some people are just like that.


That stinks. Do you think it is simply because you have a disability?



bee33
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27 Sep 2023, 5:03 am

I've been suspected of being manipulative because someone who is well-versed in social interactions who was exhibiting the same behaviors I am exhibiting might be doing those things to manipulate (like cry or yell or fall apart), whereas I am just lost at sea and also emotionally fragile so I might cry or yell or fall apart, but I am doing it because I am overwhelmed and distraught and I can't help it, and not to gain some advantage.

Ironically, I have never gained any advantage by overreacting emotionally, much the opposite, so it seems weird that someone would think it's manipulative, unless they also thought I was very very bad at manipulating people and that I did things that I thought were cunning but were actually likely to cause the opposite effect of what I might desire.

So yes, I think I was misunderstood in that way because of my disability, which causes me to overreact and also renders me naive and guileless so I am defenseless against being seen as devious. I usually don't even realize until much later that my emotional reaction was seen as intentional and manipulative.



aerithstrelitzia
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27 Sep 2023, 7:01 am

I've never had someone outwardly accuse me of being manipulative, but if I say something I fear could come off that way I feel like I have to clarify that I'm not being manipulative or else they'll get mad at me.

whenever I was in a situation in which I felt the need to clarify that, I ended up crying and I was worried the other person was thinking I was being manipulative because I was crying (fake crying to guilt trip them) but in reality I just can't control my emotions and everytime I physically try to express a negative emotion I end up crying.


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naturalplastic
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27 Sep 2023, 7:29 am

"I have found that the sure way to fool diplomats is to always tell them the truth. When I tell them truth they never believe me".

Cant recall who said that, but its a great quote. From a regular neurotypical person who had to deal with the world of international intrigue among diplomats.

Professional international diplomats are to regular NTs what regular NT folks are to autistics. Playing on a higher level of poker.

So the way for an autistic to fool NTs is to just "always tell them the truth because when you do that they never believe you".

Yeah...I wish I REALLY HAD the high level skills at manipultion that NTs have FALSELY accused me of having. You feel like a village idiot being accused of being a criminal mastermind sometimes! :lol:



Fnord
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27 Sep 2023, 7:57 pm

justanotherpersonsomewhere23124 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I have been accused of manipulating . . . most often by people whom I have exposed as manipulators.  Sometimes, after I have done my research and laid out all the facts, a business rival has accused me of trying to manipulate the decisions of customers or higher-ups against his sales pitches, which are full of factual errors, fallacious reasoning, and appeals to emotion.  It sucks, but some people are just like that.
That stinks. Do you think it is simply because you have a disability?
I think it has more to do with the person being embarrassed after I have exposed their lies and manipulations, so they retaliate by trying to project THEIR behavior onto me.  You know . . . like a certain politician declaring it "fake news" when his lies and deceptions were exposed to the public.


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Jerrymander
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02 Oct 2023, 6:10 am

Great thread:
"You're so passive aggressive." is what I hear a lot... Passive, yes. Agressive, no. In hindsight, I realize that my accusers were the manipulative ones and in the future I will use their accusations as the sign of who I should not trust. I have learned just to tell people that I suck at body language and if they need an emotional response from me or are angry/upset with me to just tell me that plainly and I will understand. The last thing I want is to hurt someone. It gives them the understanding how to have an emotional response from me should they want that. I started that after a very painful episode ending with my termination from a job, and so far (a few years) it has seemed to help. It also allows me to just ask up front "how do you feel?" without seeming cold or calculating (because to NTs it is obvious how they feel). Just being honest about who I am has helped my interpersonal relationships with NTs who are nice and seems to disarm the manipulators as it takes away most of their ammo (that I'm being cold, passive aggressive, how could I say that, blah blah blah).. Again, after just "outing" myself right away, those people have been much easier to spot. @-->-