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Djdub1
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28 Sep 2023, 12:14 am

Hey does anyone here feel because of autism they missed out on life social oppotunities to make friends or more money i feel like since i was so isolated when i was real young had firneds then moved to the west side of chicago and going grade till to highschool in the suburbs inever built a strong socal network other then my family and i never travelled got any girlfriends never met new people i feel like i wasted my life my autism just makes locked in my mind i keep feeling what going to happen when my parents will i be able to take care of myself and get my own place iam currently just turned 30 but still have my young mid 20s body.



timf
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28 Sep 2023, 6:16 am

I joined Mensa when I was 30. I observed a number of others who may have eschewed social engagement during their teens and twenties and seemed only in their 30s to start to brave experimenting with social connections.

It was not a matter of lamenting what might have been, but rather finding a point at which skills can more readily be developed.



BTDT
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28 Sep 2023, 7:02 am

It is never too late to start! Especially for guys, as younger guys often get passed over for older guys with more money and better jobs. Late bloomers now have better opportunities that generations that have come before you.

If you are on your own it can be very useful to be able to cook for yourself. It may be useful to learn all the skills needed to live on your own. If you are good at math you may be able to keep a budget.



blitzkrieg
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28 Sep 2023, 7:08 am

Sadly, your story is common for autistic folk.

A mixture of social skills deficit on an individual level and a society that is often hostile to neurodiverse folk results in a life of deprivation, on many levels, for many autistic folk.



MatchboxVagabond
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28 Sep 2023, 11:21 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
Sadly, your story is common for autistic folk.

A mixture of social skills deficit on an individual level and a society that is often hostile to neurodiverse folk results in a life of deprivation, on many levels, for many autistic folk.

Yes, although it should get easier in the future if they bother to fix they problems with diagnosis. While we're not a large portion of the population, there's enough of us that we can have at least a few like minded friends.



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28 Sep 2023, 12:53 pm

Having a few friends can be practically useful but I don't think I would enjoy being very social.


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blitzkrieg
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28 Sep 2023, 1:37 pm

You could always try to make friends with other autistic folk. There are autistic men & women who are open to having either online or in person friends.

It will depend on your geographical location, but, there are autism specific meet up groups that are available in some areas via certain organisations.



Twolf
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28 Sep 2023, 3:22 pm

Djdub1 wrote:
Hey does anyone here feel because of autism they missed out on life social oppotunities to make friends or more money i feel like since i was so isolated when i was real young had firneds then moved to the west side of chicago and going grade till to highschool in the suburbs inever built a strong socal network other then my family and i never travelled got any girlfriends never met new people i feel like i wasted my life my autism just makes locked in my mind i keep feeling what going to happen when my parents will i be able to take care of myself and get my own place iam currently just turned 30 but still have my young mid 20s body.


I feel it's more due to ignorance or discrimination in general. I can't fault autism as much as being different in any of the other ways I am. No matter what, being shut out is really due to ignorance and discrimination by those (usually NT) that can't or won't understand us.

Autism causes very real differences in communication and one's internal sense of self (as you mentioned feeling younger than you are). What is most telling to me is how I (and others) put in all this effort to meet the other (usually NT) usually more than halfway and they don't do the same.

You are not responsible for being shut out of friendship or income opportunities. I hope that you can really get to understand and feel this.



Twolf
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28 Sep 2023, 3:27 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
You could always try to make friends with other autistic folk. There are autistic men & women who are open to having either online or in person friends.

It will depend on your geographical location, but, there are autism specific meet up groups that are available in some areas via certain organisations.


Exactly. There is one (AANE) that has regular support groups online.



Sailon
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28 Sep 2023, 3:30 pm

Djdub1, you are not alone.
I have had similar experiences as well.



SharonB
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01 Oct 2023, 7:14 am

At 5 I had a neighbor I clicked with and could have been a BFF. She moved away. In school I had acquaintances but was "other". At 30 I happened to establish my first BFF (who also has ASD). Now in my 50s, I have solid network of friends (in an ASD way). I am even reconnecting with school friends. Hang in there!

I can see that as a minority (intersectional), I have not earned as much as the majority. However, I managed my lesser pay by living frugally to establish wealth so am doing fine. Just this week I was told I could be making so much more given my (non-NT social) skill set. Perhaps in my 60s and 70s, I will figure out how to manage NT social perceptions such that I can realize that potential. Like you I am "younger" than my age. In my case, my wrinkles indicate my age, but apparently my demeanor (energy, "innocence" and wonder) trumps that.

Wishing you find folks with shared interests, concerns or perspective and make connections that are valuable to you. All in good time. In didn't happen overnight for me. Studies indicate that life trauma and hardships bring folks closer and that was so for myself (medical hardship) and my BFF (workplace hardship). Teasing: Live a little, suffer more and find some friends. LOL-cry.



autisticelders
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01 Oct 2023, 4:49 pm

I definitely missed out on another "kind" of life, but at age 72, I don't regret a thing. I can say I should have had a perfect body with flawless skin and a beautiful face, I should have been a world athlete, should have been/ could have been, but I have peace of mind these days at the way everything worked out and I would not go back to any of it for even a moment, nor do I waste much time on "what if"s


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