“Be yourself and you’ll attract the right friends”

Page 3 of 4 [ 53 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

BugsBunnyFan
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2021
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 110
Location: Bugs Bunny in a dress

23 Nov 2023, 6:24 pm

NowWhatDoIDo wrote:

I think depressed artist is a completely valid persona. I married a woman very much like this, so I totally relate to people who obsess over expression through visual mediums as a way to deal with their feelings. I also studied art and I still enjoy it a lot. One thing that I always loved was figure drawing with live models. I didn't realize it at the time, but studying human figures and faces with a valid excuse was delightful to my autistic brain!

In my experience, most of the people in art classes would relate to you quite a lot. Have you ever tried that?

Glad it is. Lately I’ve been using that persona and it’s been very helpful. It seems like people just understand me better. If people ask what I’ve been up to, I just mention the depressed artist stuff I’ve been up to. It’s easier to think of what depressed artist stuff I’ve been up to than what I’ve been up to in general. Same thing with listing what hobbies I have or what or how I spend my time.

Unfortunately I sometimes get questions like “what else?”. I guess people can sometimes tell I’m giving them scripted answers. I think they’d prefer scripted answers than no answer at all.

Art classes are tricky because I’m very particular about what mediums I enjoy. I’ve enjoyed mediums like paper mache and needle felting. Mainly 3D mediums. I’m kind of okay at clay, but it’s no my favorite medium. I’m not as much into drawing or painting.



Lost_dragon
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,824
Location: England

23 Nov 2023, 6:45 pm

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
I wish life could be this simple. It’s not. I was chatting with this autistic guy and he quickly told me I don’t look like a lesbian. I told him I’m not comfortable being called a lesbian and after that he kept asking me if I want to have sex with him. He didn’t care that I straight up told him I don’t want to have sex with him. Now whenever he sees me, he winks at me. So whenever I see him, I try to hide.


Ugh. See also:

"That's because you haven't met me yet!"

Or

"But you're too feminine / pretty to not be interested!"

:roll:

I feel your pain on this one.


_________________
Support human artists! Do not let the craft die.

25. Near the spectrum but not on it.


BugsBunnyFan
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2021
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 110
Location: Bugs Bunny in a dress

23 Nov 2023, 8:00 pm

Lost_dragon wrote:
BugsBunnyFan wrote:
I wish life could be this simple. It’s not. I was chatting with this autistic guy and he quickly told me I don’t look like a lesbian. I told him I’m not comfortable being called a lesbian and after that he kept asking me if I want to have sex with him. He didn’t care that I straight up told him I don’t want to have sex with him. Now whenever he sees me, he winks at me. So whenever I see him, I try to hide.


Ugh. See also:

"That's because you haven't met me yet!"

Or

"But you're too feminine / pretty to not be interested!"

:roll:

I feel your pain on this one.

“We’re both autistic, so we’re meant to be.”

He didn’t actually say this, but I think that’s one reason he feels entitled to me. We used to go to school together, so that’s the only reason he knows about my diagnosis.



Scorpius14
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 7 Sep 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 537
Location: wrong universe

23 Nov 2023, 8:55 pm

be myself but attracting the right friends means no friends



MagicMeerkat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,890
Location: Mel's Hole

26 Nov 2023, 8:18 pm

It ended up being true for me. It just took a while. Usually with other autistic people who shared my special interests. My pen-pal from Germany is also autistic and we've been friends for almost two decades now. My closest friendships are usually with people I meet online and happen to share a special interest with. When the interest is over, usually so is the friendship but somehow wasn't the case with my German friend. By the time I became an adult, other people who were adults weren't changing their interests anymore.


_________________
Spell meerkat with a C, and I will bite you.


y-pod
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,654
Location: Canada

29 Nov 2023, 7:20 am

I think it's kinda true. I don't fake too much and all the friends I attract seem to be strange in some way. :D They have some disability, or personality disorder or other issues they didn't share. A friend I met 25 years ago was just diagnose with autism a few years ago, after I was diagnosed, and we didn't tell each other about this until this year. It wouldn't have mattered if we were already friends.

Once I met a lady who was lovely and normal. Turned out she has an autistic daughter. She probably tolerated me because of that. I do wish I can be with normal people sometimes, but if it's going to be uncomfortable for them I won't bother.


_________________
AQ score: 44
Aspie mom to two autistic sons (21 & 20 )


PerfectlyDarkTails
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 797
Location: Wales

29 Nov 2023, 11:29 am

Remained myself and been left alone outside of family, though being myself online did come with some level of popularity in spaces like second life (clue is in the PfP) :p


_________________
"When you begin to realize your own existence and break out of the social norm, then others know you have completely lost your mind." -PerfectlyDarkTails

AS 168/200, NT: 20/ 200, AQ=45 EQ=15, SQ=78, IQ=135


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,300

29 Nov 2023, 3:41 pm

y-pod wrote:
Once I met a lady who was lovely and normal. Turned out she has an autistic daughter. She probably tolerated me because of that. I do wish I can be with normal people sometimes, but if it's going to be uncomfortable for them I won't bother.


As somebody who has crossed paths with more NT parents of autistic kids than average, it actually surprises me how the opposite most NT parents are (in that they are quite highly strung and not so pleasant). They often compare their kids to mine and if they have 1 or more NT kids who are siblings they overdo the showing off on how brilliant their NT kids are,.

I think (and I have said this many times) hanging around NTs means overlooking and accepting their flaws. In my bachelor days I did this quite naturally when I liked something about NTs I would overlook any annoying qualities they had unless either a. it was too much or b. the other party were too stuck up to be friends and I got the message to move on.



Weight Of Memory
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 16 Jun 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 317
Location: Florida

29 Nov 2023, 9:45 pm

Being yourself is usually a good way to avoid attracting the wrong friends, but attracting the right friends is a bit of luck - especially if the kind of people you like are very rare. I've spent much of my life frustrated that the people who partake in hobbies I enjoy are usually very much not like me.

Part of the challenge to being yourself is you need to know who you really are. For a lot of people, that's very difficult.

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
What’s a good way of keeping motherly types away?


I'd be curious to know this too. I seem to attract a lot of motherly types, but not among people my age or with romantic interest. Rather, women old enough to be my mother seem to want to mother me more than they want to mother most other people. Something about me sets off some kind of "oh that poor child" alert in mothers. I know a lot of women who would be quite happy if I was their son-in-law, but their daughters are never interested. I think my personality and appearance makes mothers view me as safe but in need of some help while it makes their daughters see me as boring.

BugsBunnyFan wrote:
I guess the doing activities part is hard. I hate doing stuff. Especially if I’m depressed. Sure I have special interests, but I don’t count that as doing stuff. It’s usually stupidly solitary things like studying Finnish grammar. If you’re wondering, I don’t have any interest in actually speaking Finnish or finding any practical use for it. That will just ruin it for me.

So it’s just a fun and impractical interest that won’t lead to any friendships or career. Oh well. It’s not like NT hobbies where you can figure out what type of persona someone is, just by their hobby or interest.


My problem has always been that most of the people who participate in hobbies I enjoy are very much not like me.

The Finnish grammar thing... That's like collecting cars you don't drive or guns you never shoot or comic books you don't read. Studying something while actively not wanting to use it in any way seems so impractical and irrational to me it makes me twitch.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

30 Nov 2023, 2:54 pm

y-pod wrote:
I think it's kinda true. I don't fake too much and all the friends I attract seem to be strange in some way. :D They have some disability, or personality disorder or other issues they didn't share.


Looking back, I think my school friends were all strange in some way. We were the 'losers' corner in the common room, so maybe that's why I fitted in.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,300

30 Nov 2023, 7:57 pm

Yeah I was one of the losers too



Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,849
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

30 Nov 2023, 8:03 pm

I have some doubts in my own case.

I can charm others alright into approachable levels -- that, and without bother hiding about anything as long as I'm not dealing with crap.

By crap, this meant me, 2-3 steps away from violence.
And no one wants me whenever I'm dealing with crap. Even I hate myself enough for just having to put up with the crap.


Yet and yet I also had to take account of this culture in particular -- do they actually care about me? Do they truly want anything to do with me? Do they really want to know me? Will they understand?

I want something deep, not just some simple passersby thing. Not merely just a networking thing. Not simply an ally thing.

And even so, it's a two way thing.
Would I want this person? Would I even care? When and how, in eventuality, would I be driven to do anything in my power for this person?
Likely never as long as I'm dealing with crap.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.


KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

04 Dec 2023, 6:13 am

But even though we were the 'losers' corner, we had some great, fun times together. We were a group of girls, and we found ourselves sitting next to a group of 'loser' boys, so the two groups made friends! We were often the loudest group in the common room.

You don't need to be popular to have a good time, just find your people.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,685

04 Dec 2023, 9:27 pm

KitLily wrote:
But even though we were the 'losers' corner, we had some great, fun times together. We were a group of girls, and we found ourselves sitting next to a group of 'loser' boys, so the two groups made friends! We were often the loudest group in the common room.

You don't need to be popular to have a good time, just find your people.

Yes, during my teens my chosen peers and I stood the situation on its head in a similar way, in fact we tended to take it further and see the mainstream as inferior and unimportant. Frankly I still feel a bit like that now.



KitLily
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jan 2021
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,074
Location: England

05 Dec 2023, 11:00 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
KitLily wrote:
But even though we were the 'losers' corner, we had some great, fun times together. We were a group of girls, and we found ourselves sitting next to a group of 'loser' boys, so the two groups made friends! We were often the loudest group in the common room.

You don't need to be popular to have a good time, just find your people.

Yes, during my teens my chosen peers and I stood the situation on its head in a similar way, in fact we tended to take it further and see the mainstream as inferior and unimportant. Frankly I still feel a bit like that now.


Yes indeed! *hi fives you*

I often wonder if the reason I have no friends is because I just don't meet enough people! I need to meet more weirdos, not conventional Stepford types like I do currently.


_________________
That alien woman. On Earth to observe and wonder about homo sapiens.


ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,685

05 Dec 2023, 4:56 pm

KitLily wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
KitLily wrote:
But even though we were the 'losers' corner, we had some great, fun times together. We were a group of girls, and we found ourselves sitting next to a group of 'loser' boys, so the two groups made friends! We were often the loudest group in the common room.

You don't need to be popular to have a good time, just find your people.

Yes, during my teens my chosen peers and I stood the situation on its head in a similar way, in fact we tended to take it further and see the mainstream as inferior and unimportant. Frankly I still feel a bit like that now.


Yes indeed! *hi fives you*

I often wonder if the reason I have no friends is because I just don't meet enough people! I need to meet more weirdos, not conventional Stepford types like I do currently.

The rural population surrounding me at the moment has a lot going for it, being for one thing refreshingly into friendliness and helping one's neighbour, unlike what I'm used to in the big cities I've always lived in before. So I'm gradually transferring my view that only Bohemians, dropouts, oddballs, Anarchists, hippies, and similar weirdos are worth my time, into a broader view that takes in the locals here, who seem different to me but are in fact mainstreamers from a different stream. As long as I don't get drawn into conversation about religion or politics, it works quite well. Many of them are musicians, and I've long thought that most musicians are at least a tad weird in a good way.