Do you often tell white lies about your life?

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ElmersTrueLove
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04 Apr 2024, 11:30 am

I absolutely despise being asked about my life, so I tell white lies. Anyone else do this?


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Edna3362
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04 Apr 2024, 12:38 pm

I don't.

Not even an exaggeration.
But everyone else assumes otherwise -- it's like they make the white lies on their own about my life. :?


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04 Apr 2024, 1:01 pm

Generally, only to look out for the well-being of me, my family or friends. I don't like to lie to impress or fool others.

My gf and I have three kids. But if one of them is feeling super sh-tty in the morning (not sick, but maybe really anxious or depressed), we have no problem telling the school they are sick, so they can have a day off. I think we've all been there.

I know that's just one example, but I gather the white lies you are talking about are the ones that provide us privacy or save us from something we might see as embarrassing. And I think that's fine (especially compared to other, potentially hurtful, lies)


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04 Apr 2024, 3:05 pm

I tell white lies, but not often.

In Arkansas I've been known to pretend I'm a member of the Church of England. It explains why I don't attend their Pentecostal and Baptist churches. Explaining it with the truth (I'm a dyed-in-the-wool atheist and I see their religious views as mostly absurd) would risk hurting their feelings and making them dislike and marginalise me. But it seems that as long as you're some kind of a Christian, it'll do. And it's not all that far from the truth. C of E aren't scriptural literalists and they're relatively laid back about beliefs. And it doesn't come up much.

But that's an extreme and unfortunate situation, like being gay in Saudi Arabia might be. I'm prepared to lie to protect self, others, and animals. But as long as I feel reasonably safe, I'm much happier telling the truth.



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04 Apr 2024, 5:19 pm

I tell my parents little white lies sometimes. I never tell my parents about my problems.


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07 Apr 2024, 4:26 am

I tend to downplay the bad stuff a lot, as I don't think people want to hear depressing things about someone they barely know. Unless I'm going through something at the time and I'm worried they might take it personally, then I might explain. But otherwise I say everything is/was fine or brush over most of it. I have a therapist to complain about those things if I need to. Or anonymous forums like this! :D



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07 Apr 2024, 4:35 am

When I was little I used to lie a lot, and often for no good reason. It was almost like a compulsion. For example, if my mum asked me where I'd found a t-shirt and I'd found it in a wardrobe I might say I'd got it from the chest of drawers. Just really inconsequential lying. I still can't explain that. And I would dig in if I was challenged, I'd insist black was white. My kid does that a bit too.

I don't lie about my life now. If anything I'm too open and honest about it. People don't usually want to know the truth. If everything is going to s**t I will say so and people usually don't know what to do with that.


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08 Apr 2024, 7:30 am

I'm very honest & open online probably due to the anonymity aspect. However I'm more closed off offline & sometimes not very honest. I got in trouble a lot in Elementary school & I was often assumed to be lying when I was telling the truth about things. It was partly related to my classmates bullying me & lying about it & partly related to others like my teachers & principals not being able to relate or understand my various issues. I figured if I will not be believed when telling the truth, I had nothing to lose by creating a lie to explain. I learned that a good lie can be easier to believe & understand than the truth.

As a kid & teen I mostly lied to avoid trouble or backlash when others were bullying me & I got blamed, to justify something I did wrong due to me getting confused, or to justify why I didn't do an assignment or other work that I was confused about or that just seemed overwhelming to me. As an adult I mostly lie about certain things related to gov benefits, sometimes to medical professionals in order to receive certain meds for issues docs don't think are sever enough to warrant those meds(I do lots of various research, in some ways I know myself better than docs do, & I strongly believe that adults deserve the right to make their own medical decisions), & I sometimes lie about things being OK because I don't want to go into things with various people.


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08 Apr 2024, 7:41 am

Am often tempted to tell white lies about things, but I dont even follow through to actually do that.

But as someone above pointed out -folks project their own mendacity onto me all of the time, and falsely accuse me of lying.

One lady I used to work with would accuse me of having motives...that I dont have...for lies (I wasnt telling)...about subjects we werent even talking about. Would exhibit all three of those kinds of stupidity in the same one utterance.



nick007
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08 Apr 2024, 8:28 am

naturalplastic wrote:
Am often tempted to tell white lies about things, but I dont even follow through to actually do that.

But as someone above pointed out -folks project their own mendacity onto me all of the time, and falsely accuse me of lying.

One lady I used to work with would accuse me of having motives...that I dont have...for lies (I wasnt telling)...about subjects we werent even talking about. Would exhibit all three of those kinds of stupidity in the same one utterance.
That majorly sux sometimes. It's odd that one of the traits about autism that I often read on various sites is inability to lie. Yet various people on WP have said they are sometimes assumed to by liars when they tell the truth. Sites that hate on Aspies tend to say that we ars major liars. Plus various Aspies have admitted here to occasionally lying. Why do the so-called experts believe that Aspies cant lie :?


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naturalplastic
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08 Apr 2024, 9:19 am

nick007 wrote:
naturalplastic wrote:
Am often tempted to tell white lies about things, but I dont even follow through to actually do that.

But as someone above pointed out -folks project their own mendacity onto me all of the time, and falsely accuse me of lying.

One lady I used to work with would accuse me of having motives...that I dont have...for lies (I wasnt telling)...about subjects we werent even talking about. Would exhibit all three of those kinds of stupidity in the same one utterance.
That majorly sux sometimes. It's odd that one of the traits about autism that I often read on various sites is inability to lie. Yet various people on WP have said they are sometimes assumed to by liars when they tell the truth. Sites that hate on Aspies tend to say that we ars major liars. Plus various Aspies have admitted here to occasionally lying. Why do the so-called experts believe that Aspies cant lie :?


My point was that the experts are RIGHT! Not that we CANT lie. But that we (I certainly am)are indeed impaired in our ability to lie compared to NTs. And this very honesty confuses NTs...who then lash out and falsely accuse us of lying.

What aspies are to ordinary NTs...thats what ordinary NTs are to international diplomats (who traffic in intrigue for a lving). One famous author (forget who) said "its easy to fool diplomats. Just tell them the truth. They never believe you".

In my experience the way to fool ordinary NTs is to ...tell them the truth...because they never believe you because they project their own mendacity onto you.



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08 Apr 2024, 9:24 pm

I lie when I think it's necessary, but I don't like to and it's not natural for me; I have to put a lot of effort into it.
People usually believe me, although it helps that my parents think I never lie...


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Esme
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14 Apr 2024, 5:23 am

"One lady I used to work with would accuse me of having motives...that I dont have...for lies (I wasnt telling)...about subjects we werent even talking about. Would exhibit all three of those kinds of stupidity in the same one utterance."

I had a similar experience a few years back with someone that in hindsight I think was just very very insecure. But it really messed me up to the point where I started to second guess every little thing I was saying and doing to the point of burnout. It was a horrible situation.

I think people as a general rule assume everyone else thinks/acts the same way they do. So if you are someone that is generally pretty honest and straightforward, then you expect other people to act the same way and it's a shock when they don't. Whereas if you generally lie and manipulate people out of insecurity or whatever other reason, then you expect other people to do the same and will constantly question anyone who doesn't. So it's more of a reflection of that lady's motives that she treated you that way.



naturalplastic
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14 Apr 2024, 4:19 pm

Esme wrote:
"One lady I used to work with would accuse me of having motives...that I dont have...for lies (I wasnt telling)...about subjects we werent even talking about. Would exhibit all three of those kinds of stupidity in the same one utterance."

I had a similar experience a few years back with someone that in hindsight I think was just very very insecure. But it really messed me up to the point where I started to second guess every little thing I was saying and doing to the point of burnout. It was a horrible situation.

I think people as a general rule assume everyone else thinks/acts the same way they do. So if you are someone that is generally pretty honest and straightforward, then you expect other people to act the same way and it's a shock when they don't. Whereas if you generally lie and manipulate people out of insecurity or whatever other reason, then you expect other people to do the same and will constantly question anyone who doesn't. So it's more of a reflection of that lady's motives that she treated you that way.


Absolutely.

One time she begged me to swap tasks with her, but failed to explain to me that she wanted me to be a co-conspirator against the boss lady (who apparently already insisted that SHE do that task). So I agreed...but then the boss lady ordered her to do that task and me to do another task. So I just started doing what the boss told me to do.

So the lady in question ran at and yelled at me...and then said "if you dont wanna do it just SAY so". It wasnt that I didnt wanna do it ...it was that the boss ordered me to do sumpin else...so our deal was null and void.

Which one of us was at fault? I dunno. I assumed that she had the boss's permission. And she assumed that I had the same likes and dislikes in tasks that she had.

But if had it to live over again I would have raised my hand and said to the boss lady when we both were talking to her..."she is being a wuss and a crybaby and doesnt want to do such and such, and is begging me to swap jobs. Its okay with me if its okay with you [the boss] if I do such and such".



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14 Apr 2024, 7:33 pm

No, not about my life.
I tend to have the opposite problem of saying too much or infodumping, if I speak at all.
I might tell white lies like "I like your haircut", but that's not about my life.


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14 Apr 2024, 9:15 pm

Lies are too hard to follow up with ..easier to be honest ,, besides if I were honest, I fear , i would do something drastic, and end up leaving a trail of corpses,, :skull:
" Ask me No Questions and I will tell you no lies " :skull: :skull: 8O 8O 8O
Besides like my life or lies in technicolour :D .. but do see things in shades of black and White .. :roll:


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