Purposely fail

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What did you purposely fail and why?

I chose to fail Biology in high school because we had to dissect worms, and kill bees with fermeldehyde (sp).

I'm terrified of worms so I refused to go to class.

So there won't be a lot of expectations and future pressures.
I cannot afford 'good days and bad days' if the expectation I get from myself and others is all good days.

As a child, I deliberately slack off. Because if I'm 'too diligent', they'd expect me to do just that and no longer in my own terms.


And sometimes; for the purpose of trial and error.


Nowadays, it's to undo whatever shite my limbic system was doing to me when it's been stealing my time in the driver's seat all these years.

I want an existence of not fearing and not merely avoiding failure.
At least trivial failures that are not life and death, and giving me irrational reactivity of self judgment instead of learning and reflection.

I was not able to cultivate that trait with whatever mental illness I had that turned me into this immature brat who wanted everything perfect and frustrated when unable to -- until few months ago.

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I took an exam I thoroughly expected to fail, if that counts. I didn't want to be seen to defy my bosses who insisted it was a great career path for me. So I took it a couple of times, failed, and eventually told the bosses that I wasn't going to try again. It never made any difference to my "career." It would have been worthwhile for somebody who wanted to move into different related jobs as a way of going up the ladder, but I was always content to stick with the job I had, so it was useless to me. I'd also have had to pay a regular fee because the exam pass was defined as a "fellowship" of some labtech institution.

Even though passing would have been worthless, the process was painful. I hate sitting through a lecture once I've lost the plot, which usually happens in the first few minutes. It reminds me of all the times when it was important for me to follow the stuff and I couldn't.

Beyond that, I can't remember purposely failing anything. I hate failing, and do my best to avoid it by not taking on tasks I can't expect to complete, or if I do take it on, by not giving up unless it proves impossible to go on.

I "chose" to fail almost everything, or only have minimal success.

Trying to watch a "normal" show for my age, namely The Simpsons.

For some reason, on the QuickBooks final, I purposely answered all the questions wrong.

Since before October 2022, been purposely answering the inFocus questions at Home Depot wrong. May 2022, the inFocus captain called me over and told me that my name showed up on a list, and mine was the only one. It said I need tutoring on inFocus and the captain said that I have to go to her office next time I took inFocus. Yesterday, went to her office and took inFocus. inFocus questions are very easy.

It reminded me of the time, in Solid Mechanics, the teaching assistant went over the answer to a problem, and wrote the ten steps down on a piece of paper. Then I asked if I could keep the paper and he said "no" and threw the paper in the garbage and left the building. Then I dug the paper out of the garbage. (year 2004). After that, the university academically dismissed my worthless corpse.

It's wierd. Self sabotage, bipolar, hypocritical. In the structural engineering example, I went to great lengths to get the correct answer. In the inFocus example, I purposely answered all the questions wrong, just out of amusement.