Perturbed by the unexpected

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Do you ever feel angered or saddened by the unexpected? Do you make intricate plans and then find yourself at a loss when someone disturbs them? Do you think this is an ASD Symptom?

I had a pretty unexpected day. First, I was working on a spreadsheet and then daughter comes downstairs and says she wants me to play Duplo with her. I refuse and then she cries. Jane, her mother is angry at me.

I had a pretty tight schedule today, I had to work on my spreadsheet for the early afternoon, then go on the train to visit two different people in two different houses, both of whom live on the other side of town.

There's no deadline on the spreadsheet but I wanted to finish it while the ideas were fresh in my mind. When Cassie starts playing with Duplo it can take her hours. And we usually end up building totally separate things. Or she builds nothing while I build things for her on request.

I don't like the idea when I'm doing something she can just stop me for hours on a whim to build the same thing I built her last time and the time before that. It's Sunday. I was out most of the day Saturday and I work Monday to Friday. If I don't get things done today my weekend is lost. If I have to wait for next weekend my ideas will be gone and I'll be left with a vague idea that I was supposed to make a spreadsheet about something but not know what.

Just before I leave, I make myself a snack. A couple of mini tortilla boats. Jane, who had been lying in bed for most of the afternoon watching videos on WeChat, descends down the stairs the moment I took them out of the oven and demands one. I refuse and she takes one off my plate. I take it back and she's really mad.

She said she cooked for me when we both ate lunch, so I have to give her half of my food. I wouldn't mind sharing my food with her if I knew in advance, but I made precisely the amount I wanted to eat. Had I known I would have cooked double the amount.

I don't dislike the idea of cooking for Jane, but I hadn't planned for it. She disrupted my plan. So then I get to listen to her screaming how selfish I am because I eat her food, when she cooks a meal for 3 and sets plates for me, daughter and herself but I don't let her eat my food when I cooked for myself alone.

Have things like this ever happened to you? Do you get mad when people disrupt your plans? Do you hate "changing gears"? Do you think dislike if changing one's activity unexpectedly is more pronounced in ASD people than neurotypicals? Are we better off living alone?

Yes, inflexible thinking, being easily upset by deviations from a plan, or being easily upset by disturbance of a routine are definitely an ASD symptom identifiable trait that I have seen in text.

This is actually something I have to deal a lot with when planning anything with my family. I understand why it happens, but that doesn't make me feel any better or help me be more enthusiastic about something unplanned, or something that won't be performed as planned.

Back in the day when people were diagnosed with Asperger's, this was part of the diagnosis. It's really a challenge to not come off as a jerk when family members want such last-minute changes in plans, and also difficult to be a member of a friend group because such groups generally expect spontaneity from their members.

I think liking consistent, predictable routines is part of our diagnosis.

When you live with family members, the unexpected is to be expected. Kids are terrifyingly unpredictable and adults will have completely different thoughts, beliefs and opinions that turn them into a total Reddit user if you disagree.

NTs think we're jerks because of things like eating the last doughnut after they said they didn't want it, because they were really lying in order to sound polite.

[quote="lostonearth35")

NTs think we're jerks because of things like eating the last doughnut after they said they didn't want it, because they were really lying in order to sound polite. [/quote]

Love this!!

Doesn't really happen in my close family; I guess I'm pretty fortunate to be surrounded by understanding rather than criticism. There are always a few exceptions of course....

My response is to explain that I was simply saving them from the temptation of eating something that's going to have a negative impact on their health.

While I do think it's more difficult for those with ASD to deal with this sort of thing, what you are describing would be very annoying for anyone, possibly even maddeningly annoying.