Being attractive to bypass need for masking?

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King Kat 1
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28 Jul 2024, 4:17 pm

FrostBender wrote:
A lot of you are telling me that I’ll burn myself out if I keep pretending to be NT. What if I just work on being physically attractive? Then maybe society will forgive me if I act too ND in public.


Your truly setting yourself up for a life of unhappiness. :roll:


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Benjamin the Donkey
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30 Jul 2024, 4:10 am

BillyTree wrote:
I think focusing on being attractive in a broader sense than just physically, but charming, intelligent, kind hearted and funny, is definitely a strategy that works for an autistic male if you got what it takes to pull it off. Women tend to be rather forgiving about slightly odd behaviour and minor exhibitions of social clumsiness as long as they find you attractive and overall a well meaning good guy. In my experience making - and maintaining - friends takes a lot more social skills and masking than getting women romanticly interested.


I think your advice, while excellent, is wasted on the OP. Anyone who seriously talks about easily replacing his girlfriend and buying friends isn't a "good guy."


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BTDT
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30 Jul 2024, 5:08 am

There is a saying that you can't be too thin or too rich!

I have a thin hourglass figure that allows me to look great in just about everything.
I can wear a 2 piece bikini and look good to myself in the mirror.
Most woman can't do that. That is the "gold standard" of female self acceptance.

A lot of female fashion is about hiding perceived flaws.
With a tiny 2 piece bikini there is no place to hide.



MaxE
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30 Jul 2024, 5:16 am

Benjamin the Donkey wrote:
BillyTree wrote:
I think focusing on being attractive in a broader sense than just physically, but charming, intelligent, kind hearted and funny, is definitely a strategy that works for an autistic male if you got what it takes to pull it off. Women tend to be rather forgiving about slightly odd behaviour and minor exhibitions of social clumsiness as long as they find you attractive and overall a well meaning good guy. In my experience making - and maintaining - friends takes a lot more social skills and masking than getting women romanticly interested.


I think your advice, while excellent, is wasted on the OP. Anyone who seriously talks about easily replacing his girlfriend and buying friends isn't a "good guy."

He doesn't plan to replace his girlfriend. He expects she'll eventually dump him and then he'll have to find another partner.


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30 Jul 2024, 1:50 pm

FrostBender wrote:
MaxE wrote:
Being attractive makes a big difference if you're looking for romantic companionship. Some people will decide to hook up with another person on first sight, simply because they like how that person looks. They may not be that concerned about social skills etc. Which if you're autistic, might not be such a bad thing. You can have a romantic partner and avoid loneliness, but not otherwise have to deal with "friends" if you don't have the emotional energy for that.

If I become rich enough with my job, I can buy friends.


I doubt you'll ever be rich. You should work on the attractive bit.



Raleigh
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31 Jul 2024, 1:32 am

Being attractive certainly doesn't hurt.
Good looking people seem to be able to get away with a lot more than the less attractive.
And if you're not attractive already, you can be made more so by the application of alcohol.


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DuckHairback
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31 Jul 2024, 3:51 am

Raleigh wrote:
And if you're not attractive already, you can be made more so by the application of alcohol.


Interesting. Where exactly should I apply it? All over, or just on the unattractive bits?


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MaxE
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31 Jul 2024, 4:40 am

DuckHairback wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
And if you're not attractive already, you can be made more so by the application of alcohol.


Interesting. Where exactly should I apply it? All over, or just on the unattractive bits?

You apply it to the beverages consumed by others in the same room.


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31 Jul 2024, 6:20 am

MaxE wrote:
DuckHairback wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
And if you're not attractive already, you can be made more so by the application of alcohol.


Interesting. Where exactly should I apply it? All over, or just on the unattractive bits?

You apply it to the beverages consumed by others in the same room.


Well, I wish I'd known that before I filled the bathtub with vodka. :(


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MaxE
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31 Jul 2024, 8:25 am

DuckHairback wrote:
MaxE wrote:
DuckHairback wrote:

Raleigh said:

And if you're not attractive already, you can be made more so by the application of alcohol.

Thus spake Raleigh.

Interesting. Where exactly should I apply it? All over, or just on the unattractive bits?

You apply it to the beverages consumed by others in the same room.


Well, I wish I'd known that before I filled the bathtub with vodka. :(

It could be a cultural thing. Perhaps the way to make yourself attractive to others in Queensland is by reeking of alcohol. Plus there, if those in your vicinity have beverages, one can assume that it's beer. So my previous interpretation is most likely invalid.


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31 Jul 2024, 9:23 am

Now that I think about it. Sitting in this bathtub of vodka is just going to pickle me, thus preserving my unattractiveness for even longer.

That's the last time I follow advice off the internet.

It won't be.


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31 Jul 2024, 8:14 pm

FrostBender wrote:
honeytoast wrote:
But didn't you say ND people were ugly? :lol:

Most are, since they don't follow NT beauty standards.


I can't be bothered to follow NT standards. I'm a modern-day reincarnation of Sgt Schultz from Hogan's Heroes and that doesn't bother me. I'd rather be the way I am than good looking and conceited like some people.


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31 Jul 2024, 10:01 pm

Edna3362 wrote:
It's way more complex than just looks and pretty privilege that shifts lame, awkward and obnoxious to shy, cute and quirky.

Not even being rich with a high power job on top of it.
Not even being saved by connections and rep.


I've never been rich or had a high power job.
Connections and reputation were helpful
I used to have enough looks and style.
Was never lame, always awkward, only obnoxious on red wine (learned early to avoid that)

I'm not sure how I successfully accomplished the shy, cute and quirky transition, but I'm fairly sure masking wasn't part of the strategy. I don't compromise my oddity.

What helped me most was having the balls (or frustration) to be able to walk up, smile and say "hi". I do suspect being really tall was a major advantage too.



BTDT
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01 Aug 2024, 10:24 am

Yes, height is huge factor in how men are treated.

Tall men get respect. Short men do not.



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01 Aug 2024, 2:35 pm

People are always more tolerant of pretty. That's true.

Pretty is all but impossible to maintain over time. That's true too.

I say live for who you are and what you choose to do, not what you look like.

I am comfortably ugly, and I am the man I choose to be, isolation and all.



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02 Aug 2024, 6:24 am

As a teenager, I thought I was unattractive because that is how my peers treated me. Looking back, I now understand that wasn't true. For example, twice I participated in summer abroad programs with teens from other towns, and when participants first met, I can recall a lot of girls enthusiastically approaching me, eager to meet. But in a short time, all or most would get the ick. I even experienced making out with girls I'd just met, but was never able to get any sort of relationship established.

As a young adult, a few young women, whose primary interest was casual sex, chose me as a convenient partner (casual hook-ups were a far bigger challenge for women in the days before Tinder!) which would never have happened had my physical appearance not met some sort of standard.

Had I been less attractive, those sexual encounters wouldn't have happened, and I would have likely drifted towards the incel side of the spectrum. In fact, I was probably headed in a somewhat incel-like direction before losing my virginity, and I can't help feeling some sympathy for today's incels, as I could see becoming one myself, had I been born a few decades later.

As for money — duh. There's no way a penniless romantic can compete with a well-off rival with otherwise comparable attractiveness, in today's world where young people experience so much financial insecurity. Plus money bestows confidence. Long gone are the days when groupies would eagerly hook up with a vagrant dude who lived in a panel van with a mattress in the back, if unable to score an actual rock star for the night.


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