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Stop assuming how I am feeling

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i_Am_andaJoy
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06 Oct 2007, 12:32 pm

different wrote:
Oh, I do not like that either. People often ask me why I am angry or sad when I am just relaxed.. Sadly enought it seems like people cannot let me be alone the few times I am relaxed so I have to keep up some sort of tension around people all the time.

Typical conversation with NT's these times:
Them: "Are you angry?"
Me: "No, I am just relaxed. I feel really fine right now actually"
After a minute or so
Them: "You sure look angry, are you sure you are not angry?"
Me: "Yes, I am sure. I feel fine"
Them: "Are you sad then?"
Me: "No, I feel fine"
Silence..
Them: "Are you angry at me? Because if you are you can tell me"
Me: "I am not angry at you and if I was I would sure have told you from the beginning" By now my voice however sounds somewhat irritated..I just want to be left alone and enjoy the moment.
Them: "You sound irritated..are you sure you are not angry?"
Finally
Me: "I was not angry from the beginning but I am getting pretty irritated so I want you to leave me alone"
Them: "Oh, I knew you were angry!"
8O


i have recently realized that because this pattern happened so much to me, i started to copy it back to others, and still do, because i thought since they do not believe me, it must be because they want me to ask when they do the same, "angry face or tone" themselves, but it ends the same anyway, and this was responsible for a lot of paranoia in my life. because neither way made sense.


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mechanima
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06 Oct 2007, 12:57 pm

Personally, I wouldn't mind people assuming what I am feeling AT ALL (it would save SO MUCH explaining) if only they were better AT it, and got it right. :D

Seriously, I think it may be very simple...has it ever crossed your mind that, just as we do not *read* feelings very well, we do not *write* them too well either?

I reckon NTs (even those who read each other perfectly well) have as much trouble reading us as we have reading them...I just wish they would stop kidding themselves they can do it!

M



siuan
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06 Oct 2007, 1:24 pm

Even here at Aspie House :lol: we still have some communication problems. Since neither of us read well or convey what we're feeling very well, it can create confusion. Thing is, mostly we accept it. People who aren't very familiar with AS just don't get it.


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EvilKimEvil
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06 Oct 2007, 1:41 pm

I often have trouble with the physical parts of AS causing people to assume I'm experiencing emotions that I'm not. Here are some examples:

-When my voice gets shaky, people think I'm upset.
-When my voice gets too loud, people think I'm angry.
-When I have trouble speaking clearly, people think I'm scared.
-When my voice sounds "breathy" people think I'm scared or angry.
-When I'm relaxed, my facial expression looks sad or angry.
-When I'm sad, my expression comes across as snobby.
-When I get out of breath while talking, people think I'm nervous.
-My stiff posture makes people think I'm uncomfortable and insecure.
-My lack of eye contact makes people think I'm insecure and easily intimidated.
-The fact that I don't hear people very well makes them think I don't care about what they're saying.
-For some inexplicable reason, people think I look innocent and conservative.

. . . I think that covers most of it, but probably not all! I wouldn't care so much about this kind of misunderstanding if it didn't cause so many problems for me at work and socially. Apparantly, I convey these false emotions so frequently, that I get labeled "sensitive" and "emotional" even though I hardly ever actually experience emotions or try to express them. And when I try to explain the situation, people think I'm lying because emotionalism is seen as a weakness in this society.