The Things I Wish I Knew

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I am 23 years old. I have a wife and two boys and I am a soldier in the Army. Yet, all my life I have been a social pariah. I'm extremely intelligent, ending up in a high scoring job in the Army... But, I just can't adapt socially naturally. I have to fake it.

As I advance in rank I have to force myself to go places and talk to people when I feel like I am screaming inside. I don't really know how to talk to folks, I usually I just keep quiet.

My talents and technical expertise show at my job. Despite the clumsy, goody behavior at times. I can repair next to any piece of electronic equipment they give me despite how badly it is broken... But, for the life of me I keep 10 PT belts in the car because I will forget one at the house before I leave each morning to go to PT.

Only now in my life do I know what the problem likely is. And as my son is becoming into social interaction and is delayed in speech, they are pointing out classic signs of AS. I don't want to believe he will have to face going out each day feeling awkward. Wanting to return home and remain there and not go out.

I know there is no way of helping me now. I've learned to cope, survive, and be successful. Yet, I am scared for my son Charlie that he might not be normal and live a happier and more social life.

I am glad I found the internet when I was 12 and went to the library every day for years to use it. Maybe it let me be social in another way that helped me through some hard years.

you evidently coped pretty well, just to find someone and get married it's a huge success
your son will have a good example to follow and maybe it will even be easier for him than it was for you, since all people around him actually know what to help him with...

Welcome to WP

Two things stood out for me in your post:

1. That you say there is 'no way of helping you now'. Sorry, but that's just not the case. You're still young and you can always help yourself. I am presuming you don't have a formal diagnosis - have you considered that it may help?

2. Your fears for your son Charlie. He may not have AS (there are many other signs than those you have expressed) and you may be projecting worries about your own difficulties on to him. And if he does turn out to have AS, he may certainly still have a happy social life if he wants one. Not everyone on the spectrum struggles socially - some of us have worked at it and can pass for NT's on first impression.

Have you spoken with your doctor about your concerns for Charlie? Children develop at different rates and 'normal' is a broad spectrum.

You sound like a great dad and despite being what you consider to be a social pariah you must be doing something right to be married with two sons and a successful career

Welcome TravelingSoldier,

Well there you are. You are aware, dealing with it, great.

The right way, the wrong way, the Army way. You have a structure where you know what is expected, and if you don't, they will tell you.

You are early with your son, and he will do fine. It is better to know, most of us, older, just learned to cope and get by, never knowing what we were dealing with. I was sure it was everyone else.

You have a good start of making the best of it.

Married, two children, in the Army, where would you have time for a social life?

A lot of social seems wasted effort, more school, more machines, more rank, real life is not social.

The kids coming up now have much more to work with, and the results are good.

Look up smelena here, three boys and a husband, she is making it work, and has the best information from Tony Attwood's Clinic. Your wife might want to chat with her.