how do i best support my son

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I am the mother of a wonderful teenage boy, who is the absolute light of my life. I think he is an amazing person. I also believe that he has aspergers, but I am afraid to mention it to anybody. I am not ashamed of it, I just don't want to hurt him anymore than I know he already hurts.

He knows that he is different, I just want him to be as happy and fullfilled as he can. I try to make a home a safe place for him, but what can I do for him when he is not here.

He does very well with marks in school. Teachers love him. He takes on a lot of responsibility at school. ( school council , helps other kids that are struggling with thier school work, etc)

He is a very good athlete, and is on the elite team for his sport in our city.

I know that he loves doing his sport, and it gives him a lot of confidence and opens a lot of doors for him that would not have been there otherwise. But I worry about him so much in the dressing room. When the team is doing well, it is not a problem, but when they have a bad game, I worry that he will be used as a scapegoat. He never really complains about it but I hear little things that make me sad for him. I dont think that most of the kids like it when he talks. Being from the wrong planet just describes it so well, they are just speaking different languages from different worlds.

What can I say to him to help? Or what could I say to the coach, considering that I have not had him diagnosed. I know that I cant make it perfect or even close, but i just do not want to let him down. He is the kind of person that could make a difference in this world, and he needs the chance to reach his potential. It just does not seem fair that he should have to struggle so hard for it.

WOW, What makes you feel he has AS? If he does so well at that sport, how could they fault him even on a BAD day?

It is just that AS people usually aren't good with sports like that. Otherwise, the rest you speak about leans a little towards AS, but isn't unusual enough to even seriously suspect AS.

Good grades, all around great student and heavily involved in school, AND a great athlete?
So far, he isn't sounding very much like a aspie to me.
I mean I can't speak for everyone here, but I can tell you I got terrible grades, hated the whole school environment, and sucked at all sports. I have a lot of problems with my legs so I couldn't really play any sports anyway, but even if I didn't and I was good, I wouldn't join a sports team if you paid me.

Yog-Sothoth is wrong. AS people are often known for getting good grades, especially in the lower grades. Some psychiatrists "experts" have dumb reasons as to why that is. I got bord, and education was just too systematic.

Still, AS people tend to lack some kinds of coordination(it isn't always obvious), and often HATE sports and/or are just not good with them.

Well I got good grades up until the seventh grade.
But my point is, the school council and stuff, I've never heard of aspie being very involved with school.
I hated everything about school, I didn't do homework because it reminded me of school.
I'm not saying all aspies are like me as far as not enjoying school and not wanting to be part of sports teams, I'm just saying that is the case more often then not.

Yeah, mightyzebra is right (that is if your son really does have AS)
The worst thing my parents ever did to me was knowing that I had AS, but never telling me about it or doing anything about it, just completely ignoring it.

After reading your post a few times I'm not 100% sure that your son has AS, I'm also not a medical professional so my advice here should not be taken as a medical diagnosis. Try speaking to your school councillor if they have one and see if any problems can be worked out that way.

Ed Almos

You should probably go to a doctor of some kind to see if he does have it or not. Good luck.

Try one of the quizzes to see if there are things there that match well with his abilities and interests? It might be a good start?

You seem to be asking whether any interference would be helpful to your son or whether it would ostracise him and make his problems worse. This is a very difficult question to answer, and really there is no right or wrong so please don't beat yourself up about it too much whatever you decide to do. I would say that the severity of his school problems should determine your decision.

For instance, if he is simply having a little trouble with his friends, I don't think it is worth dragging him past doctors and shrinks and giving him a label that may hinder as well as help.

However, if you think he is so unhappy at school that it may severely affect his mental health and/or his academic results, or you fear that he may give up on education completely, then you will probably have to go to doctors, speak to his teachers etc.

I think that you are already doing the right thing by making home a safe place for him and supporting him. If there is one place he feels like he can relax and not worry this will help him a lot.

Your son sounds like a great kid. I was a good student, but not at all athletic, at least not in team sports. What sport does he play?

AS doesn't disqualify someone from being successful. Roger Bannister, the first man to break the four-minute mile, was a very intelligent man who was a quick and graceful runner. He didn't do well in team sports, but excelled in track and cross-country in school.

Good luck with your son.

by all rights, my son should be the most popular guy in school. He is tall and handsome (If i do say so my self) He is the smartest kid in his grade (his strengths are math and science) He is on almost all of the sports teams at school and is on the top hockey team for our city in his age group. And he does not have a mean bone in his body.

Every year at school I have tried to talk to the teachers and explain that he does not know how to make friends, and I was concerned that he does not make eye contact. I even had them test his hearing because his speech was so hard to understand. But they always reassured me that he was a great kid, and was a leader in the classroom.

He does very well in parts of his life where there are rules that are to be followed and people there to enforce the rules.

It is the outside world when he is on his own that things fall apart for him. He was bullied all through elementary school even though he was bigger and stronger than the other kids. He would not defend himself, because the rules at the school were that you were not allowed to touch other people, so he wouldn't. This bullying only stopped when the principal at his junior high told him that he was allowed to defend himself.

Anyhow what I am trying to get at is that he shows a lot of signs of Aspergers. Monotone, little eye contact, can't understand body language or facial expression, Very honest , intense interest in unusual subjects from a very young age, Hates loud noises, he talks to loud or too soft. he rarely got invited to birthday parties. Very good at math and sciences. has and awkward gait when he runs. He cant even understand the family dog.

I attribute his success in hockey to it being one of his obsessions. He tought himself to read when he was three so he could get up and read all of the scores off of headline sports in the morning before anybody got up. He knew ALL of the rules of the game by the time he started at the age of 5.