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Tiger-lily-pad
Emu Egg
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05 Nov 2007, 2:57 am

Just trying to gain a better understanding of my AS boyfriend. I sometimes have these outbursts that stem from my insecurities (that are basically brought on by my boyfriend and his inability to communicate how he feels about me, but that's a whole other topic.) so yeah, sometimes I have flip out moments and he seems to just shut off, like he can't seem to possibly conceive of helping me through it. I'm afraid I might scare him away if I act out like this too often, but sometimes I just can't help venting certain frustrations or hostilities. Is this a turn-off for a majority of you?
What kind of behavior does turn you off?



jazzguy
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05 Nov 2007, 3:09 am

Tiger-lily-pad wrote:
Just trying to gain a better understanding of my AS boyfriend. I sometimes have these outbursts that stem from my insecurities (that are basically brought on by my boyfriend and his inability to communicate how he feels about me, but that's a whole other topic.) so yeah, sometimes I have flip out moments and he seems to just shut off, like he can't seem to possibly conceive of helping me through it. I'm afraid I might scare him away if I act out like this too often, but sometimes I just can't help venting certain frustrations or hostilities. Is this a turn-off for a majority of you?
What kind of behavior does turn you off?


I have Asperger's and my wife knows all about it. So your boyfriend has Asperger's. Okay.
Speaking for myself, it's almost impossible for me to rise to the occassion when my wife has any sort of outburst that may or may not be based on her insecurities, not that it's something that happens much. But if and when it does I find it extremely annoying and intrusive.
I cannot show affection the way your "normal" person does, but I show affection for her all the time in the way that I show it, and she knows that.
But really, isn't that the way it is with everybody? We all have our ways of being there for our loved ones sometimes and our ways of not being there sometimes. Think about it: are you always there for him? Should anyone expect ANYONE to always be there for them?
The way to understand someone who has Asperger's is just the same as the way to understand ANYONE who is different from you: first you have to understand yourself.
Impossible, right? Welcome to the world.
Don't think of him as your "AS" boyfriend. Think of him as your boyfriend.
To answer your question, the biggest turn off for me is people who can't take responsibility for their own expectations.


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criss
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05 Nov 2007, 4:02 am

I have AS, but I have always been attracted to avoidant women, I think this is because it gives me a feeling of the control (illusion of) over my autistic difficulties that prevent real intimacy.

However, as I heal from my past and make peace with my self , I think my real turn off's are coldness, lack of empathy and indifference. What turns me on now is warmth, compassion & tenderness.


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Last edited by criss on 05 Nov 2007, 4:22 am, edited 1 time in total.