Adult Aspi's / good or poor relationship with parents?

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mominator
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09 Nov 2007, 12:08 am

Just curious to know. I have seen alot of comments that seem to sugest that a parent played a big role in reguards to some Aspi's feeling different when they were children. Do you think your parent was to blame for the things that made you feel different and if so why.



KevinLA
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09 Nov 2007, 12:25 am

Somewhat. I feel there were some environmental factors that contribute to my condition. My father criticised me all the time. I never had a father figure in my life, which kind of made me a wimp. My mother seemed to want too close a realionship with me which was akward. I am not sure if I was raised like a normal child if I wouldn't have the extent of the AS that I have. I might have been a milder case.



krex
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09 Nov 2007, 12:25 am

This is a complicted question.

I disliked my parents most of my childhood and teen years because they always seemed to find fault with me.I thought they really hated me(as apposed to my current feeling...they just can't relate to me at all).I was always getting in trouble and never understodd what I had done wrong(or couldnt help what I had done...like my poor memory,misplacing things,not making friends,being clummsy,questioning their "authority/judgement".

On the other hand,they were teaching me coping skills by forcing me to do things I did not want to do.I am probably higher functioning then if I had parents who never pushed me.


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iceb
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09 Nov 2007, 1:36 am

I loved my parents very much especially throughout my childhood. My father was very understanding.
Throughout secondary school this put me into bit of a minority.


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cruachan
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09 Nov 2007, 4:56 am

Dad doesn't care about people, even me; while Mom had much guilt because of my "behaviour issues" all teachers ostracized her for, so she hated me for a while. But since I got dx'd, our relationship is much better, if not ideal. She grew to be curious about what I think, and it's really great.
Too bad I had to wait until 18 to get recognized...


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fangfarrier
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09 Nov 2007, 5:04 am

I have no real feeling towards my parents.

As a child I was away at a boarding school, and was well acustomed to them not being around.

As an adult I had no real constant communication with them, we were just not really a close family who had to be together every day.

Both parents are now dead and I have no feelings of loss and neither do I miss them.

I have very little contact with aunts, uncles etc even those who were a significant part of my childhood.

I don't miss that contact either. It is good when I occasionally speak to them but I don't usually seak out that contact.

Neither is it though that I am deliberately not contacting them or shunning them in anyway, it just doesn't occur to me as something to do.



woodsman25
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09 Nov 2007, 5:43 am

I love mommy and daddy. Indeed, childhood and teen years our relationship was a bit strained, but I still loved them and never before now has our relationship been so good. I am thankful they were able to provide a happy childhood for me and my sis and could not have had things any better. Well... maby i coulda been allowed to stay up and outside a little later, be allowed to watch rated R movies sooner, go a farther distance from my neghboorhood on the bike and maby have friends over more, but those are quite small things really.


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SleepyDragon
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09 Nov 2007, 5:52 am

Mominator (awesome nick!), you might also like to have a look at THIS THREAD, from back in June, for additional insights on the question of parents.



starling
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09 Nov 2007, 6:19 am

Before I knew I had Asperger's I blamed my parents for several things. In my twenties I blamed them the most. In my thirties I started to see how they weren't responsible for all I blamed them for before. Now, at age 39, I know I have Asperger's since age 38, I see how they have been an continuing great positive infuence in my life. They never let me down. They themselves are not all NT I think.

We have always been good, but if they wouldn't have been so caring, we probably wouldn't have been so close all my life.



jjstar
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09 Nov 2007, 6:46 am

Well yeah parents give us their genes, don't they? And their blood, bones, sinews and hormones become ours, don't they? So one can only assume that our history becomes our biology and this is what we have to work with, overcome and heal. I think it's counterproductive to blame them - because ultimately (reader beware belief system about to be conveyed) we CHOSE them as our parents. So - heck - I don't know how I ever agreed to this - but apparently my soul knows a WHOLE lot better than I do - and chose my parents (bless them) to be my birthers, my teachers, my designers and my dolers out of life lessons and agreements. They were very difficult teachers, to themselves untrue, wracked with demons and plagued with the dynamics that only demons can bring. Alas, we were also as a collective blessed with angelic forces that sustained them and eventually awakened myself and the later generations to Truth, and so - it would seem that all is as it needs to be. Maybe understanding will come soon as to why.


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9CatMom
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09 Nov 2007, 9:54 am

I have a very good relationship with my parents.



nicky
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09 Nov 2007, 10:04 am

even though my parents were never very understanding (though they're a bit more so now that they know why i act certain ways), i've always been very very clingy with them... i have a very close relationship with them and go to them, mostly my mom, when i need comfort. i'm still very dependent on them both, and often use one or the other as my spokesperson when i just can't bring myself to talk to someone.


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09 Nov 2007, 10:07 am

My relationship with my parents seemed to ebb and flow through my entire life.


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09 Nov 2007, 12:09 pm

I disliked my parents pretty much since early childhood until the day I moved into my own apartment. Like krex pointed out, they found fault with most of the things I did, I constantly got in trouble, and never knew what I did wrong. As a result, I concluded that the reason why they punished me was to keep reminding me who's the real boss in the family. I couldn't relate to them either, since they distanced themselves (maybe inadvertently?) from me so much. My relationship with them was pretty much limited to talking my day at school, showing them my grades, and talking to them about intellectual stuff. As far as feelings, dreams, and childhood fantasies, I kept most of them to myself, since they often yelled at me for "talking about such nonsense". On top of that, they argued with each other constantly, and didn't even care that I was in the same room.

So now, my relationship with them is neutral; it's on friendly terms, but I have a better relationship with some of my friends than my parents. I visit them a few times a month, since they helped me with the apartment, but when I'm at their house, not much communication happens. I briefly talk about my work, answer their questions, eat the food they serve me, watch TV for an hour or so, and go back to my place. As far as my dating life, what I do on weekends, and my feelings about things, I just keep them to myself. Maybe it's a result of how they used to treat me. When I try to talk to them about, they brush off my concerns, but interestingly, it doesn't bother me. After all, I have my own place now, where for the first time in my life, I'm genuinely happy.



Wolfpup
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09 Nov 2007, 12:16 pm

I was abused by my father, so obviously there wasn't a great relationship there. My mom and I get along just fine (or as well as anyone can with my weirdness :D ).

Some of my issues were probably caused by my father, but obviously that can't cause AS.



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09 Nov 2007, 6:42 pm

Didn't grow up with my parents, so spent teen years when I was with them resenting them for sending me away and never being around for me. When I had my son, I decided that he was going to have a relationship with them at whatever price it cost me. It's been difficult, but now I have a pretty good relationship with both of them. My dad still doesn't really get it, but my mom is much more accepting of me now. I'm not spending all of my time fighting with her about not being like everyone else. She just gets it now. Not going to happen. So, I'm going to be myself.


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