Did your counselor involve your parents?

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My mom is always making comments about how I acted as a child. She says I was weird, spoiled rotten, different, odd, etc. I talk to her on the speaker phone when we talk and my husband has heard her say these things, too. She came to visit me a couple of months ago and I talked to her about AS and told her that I'm pretty sure I have it, and also NVLD. I briefly told her about what those conditions are and she was quiet about it. My mom is the type of person that doesn't like to discuss any kind of weakness in humans... physical.. emotional... mental... it just kind of freaks her out.

The other day I told her I was wanting to seek a diagnosis for the AS and she didn't reject the idea, until I told her that I've read that part of the assessment for diagnosis would be the counselor or psychiatrist calling her and asking her some questions about when I was a little girl and teenager so they can get another opinion about how I was. Then all of a sudden she says "You were normal." I said "But you're always saying how I was weird when I was little." She denied it! I couldn't believe it. She makes comments about me all the time when something is brought up about my childhood, but the mere mention of a counselor talking to her and she all of a sudden loses all memory of me as a kid. I reminded her about the comments teachers made about me in my school profile, like my 2nd grade teacher saying "Odd combination of little girl and little old lady."

She said "You were just a spoiled brat and it was your dad's fault. He taught you how to lie." I asked her what she meant about that and she said that my dad used to tell me things and then tell me to keep them a secret. I said what does that have to do with the problems I had then and still have now? She was basically telling me that my dad warped my mind... but yet I was normal, ugh. I don't understand her logic.

And it felt like she was telling me that I lie or make things up. If that is what she meant, that really bothers me because I am a very truthful person. I do something that might make me look like I lie and that is I have to get everything exactly perfect when I am explaining something. Like for example, I might say "There were a lot of people at the store when I went there tonight. Well, not exactly a WHOLE bunch.. maybe like 12. Wait, more like 10. Then again, maybe it was closer to 15." So it's like I keep changing what I'm saying but it's not that I'm rearranging a lie, I'm just trying to be truthful.

It makes me so mad that she is doing this! She could help me get a diagnosis by telling them various odd behaviors I had. What it boils down to is she's just too scared to talk to a counselor for me because of her own insecurities. I feel cheated.

Did your counselor/psychiatrist talk to your parents about you or did they just send them a questionnaire or have them come in person?

That sounds like my mom a bit or my parents, they think that the AS symptoms are due to the fact that everyone is racists. Therefore, I am perfectly normal just that the reason I can't talk to anyone is because everyone I have met, including minorities, is racists and purposely make it difficult to socialize. .... Yeah..... I don't think so.

I personally haven't talk to my counselor about my AS yet. And I don't think that she will ask my parents anything since from what I have told her, she understands that my parents are difficult in ways. However, I have a question: So you can get a diagnosis through a counselor? Or does the counselor have to be a doctor to give a diagnosis? I am just so confused about all this stuff with all of these people.

Wish ya luck.

well it's important to have a third party account of your past, to remain as objective as possible when diagnosing.

then again ..... a parent relating a childhood story about you can hardly be called objective. I hate it when mothers (especially mothers) make huge exaggerations about our past misbehaviors.

they think just because it was in the past, years ago, that we won't stand up and say: "Excuse me. That is NOT how it happened." (and most the time, let's be honest, mothers are inaccurate creatures). bless their souls.

so... make your side known.

ChatBrat, we have the same mother.

Since I was born till today she always told me that I was born evil. Then at 18, when I was working and with the money I decided to go the therapy, she said I was wasting my money because I was perfectly normal. When I asked her about the evilness, she said she had said it just because I was a little hyperactive as a toddler.

I forgot to add: my mother was terrified of my therapist blaming her for my "evil" ways.

She always made sure to stay away of therapists, she always said therapists only take your money to blame your parents.

Gosh, I sure wish I had a mother who believed I was "normal." I wasn't diagnosed correctly with Asperger's Syndrome until I was
an adult, but I was pulled into the mental health care system as a 12 year old with "adjustment problems." I was put in a residential psychiatric facility for children...and the abuse and mistreatment began. Now, whenever anything is presented in the
media, on the radio or in a book...my mother's attention is captivated. I wish such newsworthy information had existed when I
needed that attention and support when I was a child.

I struggled in low paying jobs, tried to further my education beyond high school (I am highly intelligent) when I graduated but, special education and support for kids did NOT exist...it made me a strong person, but I hate living with a "history" of a label of mental illness.

I appear "normal" or what they call an NT person but, once you are labelled by the mental health system...you are stigmatized
forever.
Now, I am finally getting educational services and appropriate treatment at a center for Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. Still,
ALL treatment aspects focus so much on the needs of children up to age 21...and us former children continue to fall through the
"cracks" in society.

I was 17 when my sister was seeing a counselor after she was diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder. Me and my dad and step mom were asked to attend one of the sessions.

The therapist later asked me if I had a "social life" and before I could even answer, my dad immediately stated that I did and got the woman to change the subject. The real truth was that I left the house to see my one friend once every two months or so at the time.

Parents are interesting, to say the least.

Aysmptotes- yes you can get a diagnosis from anyone qualified to do so. A person with a masters degree in social work, psychology, counseling and a personal with an md degree in psychiatry.

GreenTea- (I am sitting here drinking green tea... love it, lol) Does your mom say you're evil with a laugh or does she say it while yelling at you or something? I'm sorry that is so painful to you : (

Dracula- thank you for the support : )

Zsazsa- My mom doesn't think I'm normal anymore than she thinks the world is flat. She's just afraid of talking to a counselor. She doesn't want to be put under a microscope, so to speak. I'm so sorry you went through so much abuse as a child and teenager. It sounds dreadful : (

scumsuckingdouchebag- Your sister was either diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Affective Disorder. Bipolar is not a personality disorder. Just thought I'd clear that part up for you. Anyway, I hear you on the part about your dad cutting you off like that. I mentioned to my mom that I didn't have friends and she said that wasn't true and started naming kids off to me that I played with. I said yes, they played with me till we were about 10 (sporadically) and then they didn't want anything to do with me after that. I had to settle for playing alone or playing with kids younger than me.

No, not jokingly. All the contrary.

That's mean : ( I'm sorry she has such a sharp tongue. That has to be incredibly painful.

((((((((((((((((((((((GreenTea))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Chatbrat, did you inform your mom that her comments have been heard by others. That she is lying and others know it?

In my case, my parents wouldn't be afraid of being blamed for ASD (I'm adopted) but they would feel the guilt of being so intolerant of me. My mom goes back and forth over my own son, who has full-blown autism. She has suggested he isn't really autistic and has tried to pick out comments we've made that supports that.
I wouldn't doubt that she has told other family members that my son isn't autistic. I'm sure she has never discussed the shared traits we have or the developmental delays my husband had as a child.

My mother simply mocked my suspicions concerning the fact I might have AS. She always wanted to have a daughter like everybody else and even if she was told by a doctor I was right, she would take attempts to push out the truth from her mind. It's a cognitive dissonance - awareness of having given birth to such a daughter would be much too difficult to bear. Anyway, she doesn't know about many facts from my life because we simply don't talk to each other (except all those things concerning normal, daily life, of course). My mother isn't the smartest person in the world. Once I asked her for fun what she'd do having found out that her neighbor belonged to homo sapiens. You know what her answer (a serious answer, I must add) was? It sounded: -"Why do you think I could have something against him? I'm a tolerant person, after all".

My psychologist and psychiatrist found it helpful that my mother was there on the first day.

I'm thinking that my mother should be involved but I don't know that it will happen...or be helpful.

My psychiatrist in the past involved my parents once, but it was a mistake. The three of them ended up talking to each other for most of the session, mostly about me, my grades in school, and things I didn't care for. I sat right there in the room bored out of my mind, although when the psychiatrist noticed it, she was merciful enough to give me a book to read. The whole time, my parents kept shushing me, so I couldn't get more than a few phrases in (and one of them was "which way is the restroom here?"). So one thing for sure: parents and psychiatry don't mix.