Do aspie girls fit into society better then the guys?

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the girls have it better. unless they are severe cases of aspergers

The Goddesses are telling it like it is, and when I followed a link from WP to Kate Goldfield's site, when I read what she wrote about growing up aspie, it was just as though she had read my mind and wrote up my life experience but changed me to a girl.

I used to think maybe aspie girls had it easier, but all you have to do is listen to one to find out they have it just as bad as we do.

Don't count on it.

Er... I wasn't always considered good-looking, but I was good-looking enough to get a lot of random guys flirting with me at some times. (Read: I used to be skinny with long hair and big boobs and they don't always look at your face to begin with.)

I wasn't ever popular, however, nor was I admired by girls for my beauty. I got a boyfriend, but he abused me, and I'm gay anyway so a boyfriend wasn't exactly what I was looking for (but among other things was too socially naive in some ways to even know what hit me).

I didn't mean to sound so mean. My mood when I first read this thread wasn't the greatest. I get upset easily because of so many years of being misjudged. People usually only seem to see what they want to believe without giving much thought about their assumptions.

What's so great about being used, abused, and then dumped over and over again?...or always being hated by other girls for being attractive?

You young whippersnappers need to get over your self-denial and surrender to the Goddesses here!

I agree. Not only is a beautiful aspie female not going to be able to play all the social games of NT females, but add to the equation that NT females will see her as a threat. It makes for a lonely social life. Looks don't make up for lack of eye contact, and not being able to read body language. Those two things are usually required to even get asked out by a guy. Even if a guy may be interested, he's gonna assume that the girl isn't, because she's not flirting, and showing any signs of interest.

I will not attempt to generalize for all females, or even most, but only answer for myself.

*Girls really not a whole lot of making fun of happens to them, less fights occur especailly physically in school
True for me.

*Girls just really don't need a whole lot of initiative or social cues to get on dates even with NT's
Not for me. I was uniformly ignored until I was 25 and started taking initiative. No dates in high school or college. Oh, was I supposed to wear makeup, or something?

*Girls instincts like compassionan helps them make up for there AS an make friends and relationships easier
Compassion? What's that?

*Girls can usually just marry some guy and raise the kids and be at home with the family.
Yuck! Why would I want to do that? (And even if I did, how would I do that?)

I seem to have a hard time because apparently I am a female with a "male" brain. All this "men are this way, women that way" stuff bothers me every time. For some reason, people feel that there can only be two kinds of people.

Guys can be b*****s too. I know, they love nother better than getting together and talking trash about others.

I'll also answer for myself.



Lots of people made fun of me and it often got physical. Teachers blamed me for it. I got also taught the same attitude about crying that most boys get taught, despite being female. I still have trouble even thinking about the specifics, it was so bad. One boy who'd been bullied in junior high, saw me and how I was bullied in my 3 months of high school. He said he never saw bullying as bad as the bullying that happened to me.



I dated one very geeky boy. He abused me. I didn't have the social skills to either get away from him or realize that some of the things he was telling me (such that we had a telepathic connection and might die or go nuts if it was broken) was not accurate. And we really didn't go on dates either.



I have a lot of compassion but I often came across really abrasive as a kid so that didn't help.



I'm gay. I have never managed a date with my preferred gender, and I no longer even get offers from guys because I'm fat and don't bother to dress or put on makeup or use the body language to send sexual signals to guys, and in many cases would not be able to if I wanted.

Edited to add:

Some girls acted like my friends so they could use me against each other in their ongoing squabbles against each other. When I caught on and avoided them they started really bullying me including gaslighting and other psychological tricks.

Another group of friends acted like friends as far as my bad social skills could tell but often wanted to laugh at me or treat me as the crazy one they could get to do crazy things. They still are bothering me sometimes to this day, despite that being something like 15 years ago and me having had no contact for a really long time.

Personally, I don't think aspie girls have it better, I think they have it worse. NT men would sexually manipulate the AS girls and the AS girls wouldn't have an idea what's happening. Heck, I've seen NT women get manipulated by these master manipulators before.

AS guys have the luxury of being seen as "creepy" so most manipulative women leave them alone.

Excuse me but as a female aspie I think you make a lot of sexist assumptions.

I may have profound intellectual compassion but it's very hard to put it into practice in personal relationships. It is not easier to make relationships/friendships - once you get past the superficial the bonding problems are still there.

As a female you are expected to look, sound, be in very prescribed ways. When you don't, then you are an outcast however subtly.

Also, getting married is perhaps easier because the majority of NT men are not actually looking for the emotional depth that many NT women are. But our naivety means that we so get taken advantage of.

I think the reasons females don't get dx'd with AS are several:

1. there seems to be a propensity for females to be quieter and more compliant - to just go along with what is expected and suffer in silence

2. females have ever been seen by the medics as 'hysterics', prone to 'neuroses'. I bet that most women who've been assessed finally as on the spectrum have all sorts of wrong dxs involving neurosis of some sort or other

3. the vast majority of researchers and diagnosticians in ASDs are ....men. As I've said, it is an objective observation that men are not hard wired for subtleties.

4. male presentation of any disease, disorder, status is looked on as 'the norm', the benchmark against which any human being is judged. See the debacle in heart and stroke research for how tragically wrong this sexist bias can be.

Aspie women tend to fit in worse IMHO than aspie men. Aspie women are always prone to be taken advantage of by sexual manipulators while aspie men are just seen as "creeps" and are left alone by the manipulative types.

-Lee

Some of my experience fit with the OP's speculations and some are more contradictory.

I was picked on throughout my whole school experience and as an adult at work.

Dating has been relatively easy because, yes, I don't have to take initiative. And yet it's weird that I've been through 5 long-term relationships and still don't know how to flirt. A lot of women seem to be able to manipulate guys into liking them. I would have no idea how to do that. Nor would I want to. I'm just amazed by the skill involved in it. Other women are able to subtly show that they're interested. I have to say it directly. That limits my options to people who enjoy that kind of directness.

In my experience, it is not true that women can just get married, have kids, and not have to work. I have never met a man who wanted to support a woman who was not working. If anything, a lot of guys seem to fear that scenario. They want an independent woman with a successful career.

Even though people seem to find me attractive, I still have a hard time with jobs. My lack of social skills causes a lot of problems. I think the way that I look does cause men to be nicer to me, but other women see me as competition and try to destroy me. So it evens out.

And then, when people find out that I went to good universities and am washing dishes in my mid-twenties, they think there must be something seriously wrong, so they treat me as though I'm defective and they stay away.

Right now, I'm hoping that by continuing to pursue higher education, I'll end up in a more aspie-friendly job.

Well said serenity! Now I'm beginning to see why I never make assumptions like NTs habitually do. Is assuming things another socially correct behavior that we're supposed to incorporate into our lifestyle?

Can't say I've had an easy time fitting into society at all. Better than an aspie male? Not sure. I think males have an easier time with some areas but females have an easier time with other areas.

It's all about the social rules. They differ for both genders. If you disobey the rules, you will be treated accordingly.

Life will be harder on you. Some people have no problems just being themselves but the conformicons must have everyone abide by their rules only. The ending results that are the same do not matter if you do not go through the procedures that the person wanted you to do especially if you are an outsider.