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EvilKimEvil
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01 Jan 2008, 4:45 pm

Do you become irritable if you don't get enough time alone? If you do not live alone, do you wish you did?

I get along well with my boyfriend, but he has the day off from work and I'm going crazy from not having the house to myself. I'm starting to wish I lived alone so I could keep my house really clean, fill it with plants, animals, and books, and have total silence whenever I want it. I don't even have room for my stuff in this house. Everything's all cluttered together. It stresses me out. There is often noise when I want silence. He looks at me and talks to me when I want to be completely alone. But there's nothing I can do about it. I can't afford to move.



OregonBecky
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01 Jan 2008, 5:18 pm

I need to be along a lot. People turn me manic so I expend a lot of energy and then need to recover. Sometimes headphones help if you can't get away by yourself.


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SapphoWoman
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01 Jan 2008, 5:19 pm

I absolutely need time alone. And I need to live alone. The way I put it is: "I'm highly allergic to roommates." Which is actually true. I am miserable if I'm living with someone.



wsmac
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01 Jan 2008, 5:24 pm

Can your boyfriend understand this?

I fell for someone who I believe (and I think she does too) has Asperger's.
She has told me the same things about herself that you describe about yourself.

Even though there's nothing going on between us (her choice), I still think about her alot.
I think about how much she desires to be alone and if I could truly handle that if by some miracle she were to change her mind about me.

While I get the sense that relationships are often quite difficult for Aspies, it's not easy being in love with an Aspy when I'm not sure how or when I can be in contact.

I picture you having a loft where you can go upstairs and be 'away' from people.
Being high up in a tower or loft seems to me to give a good sense of separation from the people below.
Like hiding up in a tree or treehouse when I was a kid.
Too bad you don't have a place like that... but maybe someday?


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Lonelybonesey
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01 Jan 2008, 5:26 pm

I cant live by myself i need people for a senc of security you know, however i must have at least 3 hours of alone time upstairs or walking outside a day or otherwise i get a trapped feeling inside and i get a little snappy like a crocodile :wink:


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ChloeK
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01 Jan 2008, 5:29 pm

I would love to live alone. I spent three months living with my sister and when she was out of the house it was just so quiet and calm that I loved it. Of course, when she was home we had, er, some fairly epic fights.

Right now I'm living with my parents, two of my siblings, and my sister's husband. I never get any alone time and my room is right off the busy portion of my house. I'm going crazy!



angelgirl1224
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01 Jan 2008, 5:31 pm

Yeah i need time alone. but the thing is im sure that everyone needs time alone to an extent. However some of my friends dont realy understand why i need so much time alone. i wouldnt want to be on my own all the time but i do need 'time out' sometimes.
I think you should try to explain to your boyfriend exactly how you are feeling. he may not understand but i am sure if he loves you he will try to be supportive of it and of you.
xx



DejaQ
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01 Jan 2008, 5:33 pm

I like having the house to myself. If I wander around normally my parents will interrupt and ask me what I'm doing, but when I'm alone I can walk around without a reason and do whatever I want.



EvilKimEvil
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01 Jan 2008, 5:34 pm

wsmac wrote:
Can your boyfriend understand this?

I fell for someone who I believe (and I think she does too) has Asperger's.
She has told me the same things about herself that you describe about yourself.

Even though there's nothing going on between us (her choice), I still think about her alot.
I think about how much she desires to be alone and if I could truly handle that if by some miracle she were to change her mind about me.

While I get the sense that relationships are often quite difficult for Aspies, it's not easy being in love with an Aspy when I'm not sure how or when I can be in contact.

I picture you having a loft where you can go upstairs and be 'away' from people.
Being high up in a tower or loft seems to me to give a good sense of separation from the people below.
Like hiding up in a tree or treehouse when I was a kid.
Too bad you don't have a place like that... but maybe someday?


Yes, a loft or tree house would be ideal, and I do plan to have one someday. Part of the problem is that we have effectively outgrown our apartment. My boyfriend is planning to buy a house before the lease ends so that we can have room for our collections, a yard for the dog, and our own space when we need it.

I think he tries to understand, but it's hard because he doesn't experience the same need for time alone. Nor does he experience the same sensitivities to noise, smell, etc. So sometimes if I react to these sensations, he'll act like he thinks I'm crazy. But he also acts like he cares a lot about me and would be very sad if I left, so I'm hoping that moving to a slightly bigger place, and building a tree house, would solve some of these problems.



Last edited by EvilKimEvil on 01 Jan 2008, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

KristaMeth
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01 Jan 2008, 5:34 pm

Wow, I feel exactly the same way. I feel bad, because I love my fiance but sometimes I wish we could get married and just live in separate houses. On top of that his 17 year old brother lives with us too. So he's always invading my perfected little living spaces with his crap. He stole a table in my living room to keep his cigarette roller and tobacco and tubes on. We have two big screen TV's hooked up because he wanted his TV in the living room. There's always people on my couch, sitting at my computer, USING my computer. Sometimes people I barely know. I hate it. On top of that they have know idea how to clean up after themselves or help with laundry, etc. They have this sickening habit of playing different noises all at once. Like two TV's and a CD player. I have to lock myself in my bedroom with a joint and a good book for a few hours before I can survive life with them sometimes.

Okay, so maybe you and I just need to shack up :lol: It'd probably be the most clean, quiet, serene, non sensory overloading home ever.


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01 Jan 2008, 5:37 pm

I like time alone, but I don't want it to be most of the time.



EvilKimEvil
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01 Jan 2008, 5:52 pm

KristaMeth wrote:
I feel bad, because I love my fiance but sometimes I wish we could get married and just live in separate houses.


That is exactly how I feel about my boyfriend. Ideally, we'd have a huge ranch with lots of animals and a house for each of us.

KristaMeth wrote:
On top of that his 17 year old brother lives with us too. So he's always invading my perfected little living spaces with his crap. He stole a table in my living room to keep his cigarette roller and tobacco and tubes on. We have two big screen TV's hooked up because he wanted his TV in the living room. There's always people on my couch, sitting at my computer, USING my computer. Sometimes people I barely know. I hate it. On top of that they have know idea how to clean up after themselves or help with laundry, etc. They have this sickening habit of playing different noises all at once. Like two TV's and a CD player. I have to lock myself in my bedroom with a joint and a good book for a few hours before I can survive life with them sometimes.


I used to live in a small modular house with 3 - 6 other people. I shared a tiny room with my boyfriend and there were people sleeping in the living room and on the sun porch. I had no privacy, and these were vocal people, the kind who feel the need to comment on everything you say and do. In addition, there were lots of random people stopping by to see these people. My boyfriend would even invite them into our room while I was asleep. My current living situation is pretty good compared to that one.

KristaMeth wrote:
Okay, so maybe you and I just need to shack up :lol: It'd probably be the most clean, quiet, serene, non sensory overloading home ever.


OK, sure, but you'd have to live with my snake, legless lizard, and large dog. The reptiles are quiet, but the dog can't always be trusted not to make noise. :lol:



wsmac
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01 Jan 2008, 5:59 pm

Kim,
I was thinking that your boyfriend could also take things too personally sometimes as well.
I know I have with my friend. Part of it is just my own insecurities, part is just not understanding her completely.. I think.

So, if Kim and Krista moved in together... where would you all live... Pennsylvania or Texas?

Krista, your home sounds WAY too chaotic!
Those people.. including the brother... really need to learn to respect you and your things!


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KristaMeth
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01 Jan 2008, 6:02 pm

EvilKimEvil wrote:
I used to live in a small modular house with 3 - 6 other people. I shared a tiny room with my boyfriend and there were people sleeping in the living room and on the sun porch. I had no privacy, and these were vocal people, the kind who feel the need to comment on everything you say and do. In addition, there were lots of random people stopping by to see these people. My boyfriend would even invite them into our room while I was asleep. My current living situation is pretty good compared to that one.


Ooooooh God. Sounds so familiar. Before I moved into the house I live in now, I had the misfortune of having to stay with my mother in law for a few months. So. That's bad enough. But there was also my sister in law and her son. And they're super family oriented, and people always seemed to be coming over. Like important obligatory get togethers. And just like you said, "the kind who feel the need to comment on everything you do". My mother in law especially, is not only really outspoken but also HATES me. So yeah. Good times. Thank God for being a homeowner now.

EvilKimEvil wrote:
OK, sure, but you'd have to live with my snake, legless lizard, and large dog. The reptiles are quiet, but the dog can't always be trusted not to make noise. :lol:


Sweet! I love reptiles. I used to have a boa constrictor when I was 16. Wait. Legless lizard? Do tell...


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Catkid
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01 Jan 2008, 6:04 pm

Definately. I can get incredibly frustrated if I don't have a few hours of the day where I can be alone and clear my thoughts.



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01 Jan 2008, 6:25 pm

I purposely wake up early in the morning, so I can have the whole downstairs of the house to myself. I live with my parents and my 2 brothers, all of who sleep in.


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