How Do You Learn Social Interaction?

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I voted 'other' because in reality it's all of the options. Normally, I just do it, something goes wrong (not always!) so I then research the problem to figure out a solution.

Actually, the learning and research bit is easy (how many people here grew up thinking they were an anthropologist lost on the wrong planet ). More difficult is the realisation that some of the raw information needed for normal social interaction is just missing, such as reading body language.

I managed to get in to a row at work yesterday because I interpreted the words spoken literally, missed the other persons emotional state entirely, and then got increasingly annoyed as the other person apparently missed what to me was completely obvious. Fortunately, someone here knows me well enough to take me to one side and observe these things, so now I understand the real problem and was able to resolve the problem. But the issue was for me boils down to lack of real-time input to understand what I need to do. If I have the information, I can either replay a script or work through how to proceed, albeit sometimes slowly. It's *much* easier with someone I know well, probably because I have a larger library of scripts built up from experience.

I learned a lot of social skills the year I was 17, by observing my boyfriend's family and friends in action and then having endless analytical conversations with him about them afterwards. It was kind of spooky - his family were the first openly emotional people I'd ever observed for a decent length of time. I had no idea there was this whole extra layer to the web of human interaction. Before that I thought I was just nuts for noticing emotions in myself that never seemed to be duplicated in other people.

Then his house burned down and his parents got caught up in a huge messy divorce and I got to see the same emotions repeated to extremes... fascinating and frightening every minute.

I also did the studying psychology/sociology/etc route.

I used:

1. Movies (this was the one I voted for)
2. Observing real people
3. Trial and Error
4. A mirror
5. Books (though this was high school onward)

When I was in grade school I was OBSESSED with musicals and oddly enough, if the kid can stand it, I would recommend musicals to any autty because the people in them tend to never do anything halfway and that includes facial expressions and interactions in relationships. And in many musicals there were always rules which applied to the movies so within that structure it was easier to learn real people. (Though I had to relearn that it all isn't so melodramatic IRL.)

As for the mirror, I have spent a life time in front of one or another and I always have had to have one around. Not that I admire myself (most days far from it) but I study myself, my face and facial and body movements. It helps make me aware of how I look and perform. I would also recommend this to any young autty-- as long as he or she doesn't have an aversion to mirrors.

Hi Folks,

Sophist wrote: "As for the mirror, I have spent a life time in front of one or another and I always have had to have one around. Not that I admire myself (most days far from it) but I study myself, my face and facial and body movements. It helps make me aware of how I look and perform."

When I was a young teacher [physical education] I was absolutely terrified at having to stand in front of groups of high school children and take control and project authority. I had a terrible time during practicum rounds and really do not know how I passed student teaching. For the next few years I watched the really good teachers I knew and then went home and rehearsed every gesture, posture and facial expression in a 3/4 length mirror. I also tape recorded myself as I taught and reviewed my speech to the students, listening to the inflection I used, tone, volume and whether the words made sense, then rehearsed further using the recorder. This worked so well that after about 8 years teaching I was employed to teach demonstration lessons at the [now closed] campus school of James Madison University in Virginia.

I am aware of every aspect of my physical and verbal presentation at all times in the presence of NTs. It is the learned "mask" I wear and that many of us learn to wear for effect and protection.

Leaving aside their crazy emotions NTs are actually pretty predictable in their responding from a pure behavioral perspective. It is just their dificulty in being logical and controlling their emotions that makes them so darn dangerous, spiteful and "fuzzy"!

Jim Crawford.

I observe people interacting. It's easier for me to learn about interaction if I'm not actually involved in it - if I can sit back and listen without having to participate. That way, I have a better idea of how to act when I have to participate.

/me gives the royal wave to all my fans... err... that is, Serissa!