Speaking vs Writing

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I understand that a lot of people on the spectrum find it easier to write than to speak, and I thought it might be interesting to explore the reasons for this. I certainly always found myself writing notes to people as a teenager, only to be told "Why don't you just speak to me? I'm right here." Writing notes was much, much easier and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it might be because when people speak, they are giving off all sorts of information in their body language, mannerisms and voice which I don't always understand. The fact that I'm getting only half the message and I know it makes me anxious. I'm very happy to chat to someone online but I'd rather have my teeth pulled than speak on the phone for any length of time, and face-to-face is not always much better. When people write, I think they make fewer assumptions about the nonverbal cues they expect a person to pick up on, and that makes it easier. It levels the playing field, so to speak. What do people think?

I find writing notes to be a better way to express myself too, as when I am speaking there are so many annoying things to think about- my voice tone, how much eye contact to make, looking at their body language.. there is just too much going on there.

Writing is better because it is just communication stripped to the bare minimum and I can focus my attention without distraction.

Also with writing you can edit what you write.. but there is no "edit" button on speaking.. a major design flaw in my opinion. Once I have said something I cant take it back, even if it didnt come out how I intended it to be.... lol.

Yes, the edit button is so useful! I'm quite fussy about spelling and grammar, and if I notice I've made a mistake I find it upsetting. In speaking, though, you can't take things back as easily. I'll usually finish the sentence and correct myself straight away, but it still makes my brain hurt.

I wholeheartedly agree with the above. This is why I prefer letters as I feel there is a lot less for me to get anxious about or misinterpret. Also, I sometimes feel that when I speak, I am being put on the spot. With a letter, you can take your time to articulate what you are trying to say a lot better.

Yes, the "editing" thing is a big part of it for me too.

Also, if it is in writing, I can go back & reread it again later if I want to, and I can have a permanent record of a conversation to refer to.

It is really funny at work when all the NT's complain about people sending emails to their colleagues when they are in the same row of desks instead of talking to them, whereas the aspies & people with some aspie traits cut off people when they are trying to tell them something & say "Can you put it in an email for me?"

I do that as well, since I often seem to have problems getting words in the right order when I'm speaking, and sometimes leave words out. When I type or write, I have more time to think about the order in which words should go, and if I need to I can easily change what I've written. I obviously can't do that when I speak, and so a spoken sentence for me would sometimes be something like "I want to some food. Get.", or alternatively I just stutter my way through the entire conversation. Someone should invent a portable IM device, that would be so cool!

The Write Stuff Topic
('Speaknoeasy' topic)

Liopleurodon wrote:

"I understand that a lot of people on the spectrum find it easier to write than to speak, and I thought it might be interesting to explore the reasons for this. I certainly always found myself writing notes to people as a teenager, only to be told "Why don't you just speak to me? I'm right here." Writing notes was much, much easier and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it might be because when people speak, they are giving off all sorts of information in their body language, mannerisms and voice which I don't always understand. The fact that I'm getting only half the message and I know it makes me anxious. I'm very happy to chat to someone online but I'd rather have my teeth pulled than speak on the phone for any length of time, and face-to-face is not always much better. When people write, I think they make fewer assumptions about the nonverbal cues they expect a person to pick up on, and that makes it easier. It levels the playing field, so to speak. What do people think?"

Absolutely. Exactly. Well written.

I think writing is the most rational way to order thoughts for analysis. This is the only way many of us can communicate coherently and clearly. Until I came to WP I had a hard time with conversation; I am almost twice your age and I have always had difficulty with speech. It is easier to focus on one thing--putting the thoughts onto the screen for visual reinforcement. And if you have problems with auditory integration, reading and writing are the way to stay connected.

I do not like my own handwriting as it never looks as neat as typed words, and I am slow on the keyboard so this is an extra challenge.

Thank you for your post. Keep up the great writing!!

All of the above. Also, writing just... flows better than speech, for me.

I've been recently informed that I'm not too bad with speaking out there when I have a set topic, by a professional [who may've been trying to make me feel better], and I'm given questions; sure, I lack eye contact/look away when I talk, I display odd body language, I twirl my arms around, I speak in a somewhat "flat" voice, and if someone says something unexpected like a compliment, I'll run away. I appear to be lucid and comprehensible apart from the aforementioned difficulties.

I find it easier to initiate conversation through this medium, I also find it easier to say "social" things; I'm assuming this is due to a lack of visible non-verbal cues, and I have longer to say/type, 'It's raining, I like the rain.' I'm a bit slow on the uptake out there if I'm not talking about a specific topic.

I think I sound much different when I write vs when I speak. I write fiction and poetry (published a little bit) and when anyone has read anything I've written, they're always full of praise, but if I try to explain something or tell an anecdote verbally, it comes out like a mess and people are more likely to just turn and walk away. A while back I brought in to work a literary magazine that a story of mine was in, and a supervisor read it, liked it, and then said, "but it's witty -- you're not witty!" Like as if people actually 'write the way they speak'. Every English teacher in the world tells their students this little bit of advice, but it isn't actually true at all, writing comes from a different place than speaking and it should carry more weight. Unfortunately in this world of ours, quick talkers are ruling the day, and writers are being pushed aside as antiquated relics. I hear ya though. I'm obviously much more comfortable writing than facing anyone and I never even answer the phone anymore!

I prefer to write, unless I know the person very well. Currently there are two people that are like that. I also speak to cameras and animals pretty well though.

I think it's becuase camera's don't judge you, don't have body languages and cats are easy to talk to. They just meow if they want food or catnip.

Unfortunately, my handwriting is completely unreadable. It is the worst handwriting ever. I can't even read it. So if I write notes I have to write very carefully.

I don't really notice a difference.

The main problem I have, with either method of communication, is that quite often I don't find the subject worth the effort of engaging in. Upon re-reading that sounds a little worse than I actually am. I can quite often get by quite well discussing a subject that I am not interested in.

Further I don't like hand writing anything. My fingers cramp quite badly when I write anything out with an actual writing implement. But if a topic is "worth" talking about. I am quite happy with either oral or written communication.

I will echo your sentiments about editing what is said though. When I get overly excited (read: found a topic worth talking about) all the information I have stored about it tends to come all at once so I stammer quite badly as I try to say four things at once. And I get an intense look of concentration as if I have heart burn when trying to take in information that people might be telling me. But on the upside I produce a readable facial expression... so it's a kinda lose win situation.

As for passing notes... that presupposes someone to pass them to.

I agree very much with the general sentiment of the thread, I very much prefer writing over talking. I can have issues with translating my thoughts into worlds so writing gives my brain more time to do the translating. Also, I don't have to worry about body language, and in message boards and chat rooms the tone is conveyed by obvious-looking smilies. When talking, unless I have a script right in from of me, I stutter, stammer, and do other things that make me hard to understand. My writing, on the other hand, is extremely clear and articulate.

i write better than i talk. its like when im talking, im usually overly choosy with the words that i am about use, sometimes, i can not even find the word at all. so what happen was, i tend to squint my left eye a bit, until i could find that word.

i feel that, i could talk, only if i had written on paper on what am i about to say, its easier that way for me.

if only there is a backspace button while speaking.....

I agree if there was only a backspace button while speaking, my life would be a whole lot better. I write sooooooooooooo much better then i speak, i still mix up words, like if im sitting on a couch and somebody asks what im sitting on, i might say duck yep idk y, dont ask me, ask the brain, shes the running this joint loool .

I do this too- mix up words or say the wrong thing. Ridiculous. I left my brother a voicemail to tell him what time church was- perhaps two spoken sentences, and my brain was correctly thinking "6pm" and my mouth said "7pm." As he was not intending on attending anyway, it was irrelevant, except to give him more fodder with which to criticize me (we are both fully adults, mind you).
I appreciate what you all have written here, especially Liopleurodon and Jul; thank you for having already articulated my thoughts.
The only caveat- email is too easily forwarded. The spoken word will simply cease to exist, except in memory; email can live on forever and get to the wrong person.