can it be a solution ?have you ever think in it ?ASPIES ONLY

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hiunikel
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23 Jan 2008, 1:32 pm

i don't know if anyone of you has ever thought in killing himself ! !

i realy wanna put an end to my life , i can say i wasn't happy in my life , i never knew i could feel dejected and desesperate like now, i wanna end this misery

and if i'm still alive it is because i believe in life after death , so i dont wanna be miserable when i'll die

i really don't know what to do now ! !


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CityAsylum
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23 Jan 2008, 1:53 pm

Dang, you are only 20 - you have plenty of time to fix things so that they improve. Become intensely curious, and you will want to stick around to see what happens next!



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23 Jan 2008, 2:17 pm

There is no life after death, but there is happiness in life. You just have to find it. My life sucks too, but I have hopes of changing that. I'm going to try to get a scholarship to go to Canada to study film. If that doesn't work, I'll try again. And again. And again. Until I get out of here. I don't know what your dreams are, but I'm sure there's something you can aim for. Don't kill yourself. Just change locations. Move. Find something to do. Something you like to do. Be it painting, writing, composing, whatever. Just do something. Find a reason to live instead of giving up. You only live once, and the best idea is to try to do something with what you have instead of throwing it away.


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23 Jan 2008, 2:48 pm

It's not a solution, but a great option.

Some famous dude said that.


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gbollard
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23 Jan 2008, 4:00 pm

Aspies and Depression go together - sorry - that means that it's not your environment so much as it is YOU.

Depression comes in waves.

You're 20 now and you're at the point where you first start to take charge of your life. It's a fairly depressing time.

Give it time and it will pass.

There's hardly a day that passes when I don't have at least a few seconds thought about death and dying but it's not the answer. It achieves nothing except to pass on your misery to your loved ones and to people who care about you whether you think they do or not.



Brooks
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23 Jan 2008, 4:08 pm

Been there spent time in the psych ward being treated for Major Depression.

Boy am I ever glad that I got the treatment and learned coping skills to deal with it. Don't get me wrong, that time in the ward and the months afterwards were not pleasant, but the after effects are sure nice.

I learned how to cope with depression, which I believe also helped me with my AS, even though I did not know I had AS to years later.

I was at rock bottom and realized that the only lower I could sink was into the final sleep, so I set about turning my life around. I got my butt in school and got a degree, which I will finish paying for in 2010. I got a good job in a field I enjoy. Meet a wonderful lady who became my wife. Bought a house and had a kid.

All because of being in a place where you are at know, and getting the help I needed.

One thing that I learned was how to not rely on tunnel vision, something that I believe that aspies are more subject to than NTs. Once I learned that, I realized that there was so much more out there and I was able to see that while I did have faults and problems, that I also had strengths. Once I saw that, then I was able to go out and turn my life around.

While at one time I was on Paxil and Trazadone, I no longer need those medications for depression and the only meds I take now are for allergies and melatonin to help me sleep. (Allergy meds make me restless at night)

I also learned that good rest helps to go a long way toward being mentally healthy.

I would suggest trying to find a mental health practitioner and getting treated for depression. It is hard at first, but the benefits for learning how to cope can make it all worthwhile.


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oblio
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23 Jan 2008, 4:13 pm

dear hiunikel,

as i have not (yet) been diagnosed, i'm unsure if i'm welcome to respond -
cannot guarantee contravening your 'aspies only'

you do produce many posts for aspies only - i just read a number of them
it seems very bleak to me;
but i wonder would you describe it as black or rather dark grey at worst?

i also read your blog & test adult aspie; i copy&edit:


1.Have little interest to collective activities, does not get on well with others, cannot sympathize with the happiness of collective activities.

2.Lack of social communication skills, not good at using facial expression, hand signals and postures to communicate with other people. [[opposite: excellent at]]

3.Like to self- seal, lack of emotive reaction and observation to the outside world.

4.When you are ill or upset,you will not ask for sympathy; when others get ill or upset,you don’t feel it necessary to sympathy or comfort them.

5.The language ability obviously suffers injury [[no]], cannot understand the coversation completely sometimes[[no]], not used to expressing your need , very little inquires, also don’t respond to other people much.

6.Accustomed to repeat mechanical movements or postures, excessively be infatuated with certain things, and obtain enormous satisfying.

7.Frequently speak to yourself, not happy, don’t sleep well [no?] and agitated.

If you more than 3 items of symptom on you,then you might have adult autism!



i'd say i stand a fair chance; and i say chance rather than risk

whether or not aspic then, i feel i can relate to what you call depression
does it possibly compare with utter&total boredom, totally not seeing
a point to it all?

if not winston churchill's black dog, then:
does your life ever vary away from what i call dark grey to, let's say light grey
(at best)

a part of me, mayby a layer rather than a part, is ALWAYS & ESSENTIALLY bored
and i can be so totally (overly???) extraverted -
but that is never my truest self

i feel no connection with 'a self', things do no longer 'click' or 'resonate'
i have long ago lost curiosity, soon enough followed by interested -
for i could see beforehand this new whateverinfatuation would turn out
yetanotherplace not to find my real goal, or home, or grail even

is there such a thing, is there even a me???
why don't i remember, why don't i feel, why don't i want, why don't i love
is it lack of personality, why am i so adaptive so accomadating -
such a chameleon

and yes, why do i seem to want for warmth - am i a cool-blooded animal
why do i feel aloneness and skepticism are unalienably part of that
personality that seems to be absent (asleep? comatose? dead?)

observations such as those, and manymanymore, have presented themselves to myself for at least thirty years, presumably much longer
if an aspie, than a late-in-life-diagnosis,

and yes, admittedly but decreasingly interlaced with some bipolarism, the manic state of which i do miss very much (but can nor could ever afford) (ah, if only)

[[voice Lou Reed: ......... if only if only if only
how do you think it feels, to feel like a wolf & foxie
how do you think it feels, to always make love by proxy
how - do - you - think - it - feels!? and
when do you think it stops,
when do you think it stops,
when do you think i stops...]]

[& o please guitar take it, guitar please, take me upup&oyesaway]

sorry for that, i seem to have a tourettically inspired literary alter ego

BTW has anyone from WP ever welcomed you properly?
i apologize on behalf of anyone here who might feel a need to apologize -

finding WP, i recognized so much &c &c
whether or not an assie i may have been a very stupid little boy-ass
for (give me some slack) twenty wasted years
whatever it is that 'plagues' me: i only want to KNOW
and i am claiming my right to BE & to be ME
inclusive of the fact that i have no idea who or what that is

i have gone through a minimum of 30, possibly over 50 years of
solitary confinement in the crowd -
in my book there is only one thing worse than aloneness,
it is called togetherness - that is when anoleness turns lonesome
and grows lonely

i a the last capable of dishing out advice:

take some distance from yourself (there ARE worse things)
be patient, one can last veryvery long (you really have no idea)
PLEASE
allow yourself the adventure of recognition anywhere around here
amongst us at WP - be it positive or negative

[[i CANNOT believe these words have just dripped from my cool-red-inked vains]]
[[this is too geriatric, need to find my average age now, sorry]]

give me some time (sorry: other priorities) but i will get back to you

o yes: allow me therapeutic trickery: if you want to contact me - i cannot promise immediate response, but foryourownsake please try NOT to PM me, i'd think
it's excellent to use the opportunity to combine public&private correspondence (rather than just writing) - it focusses the mind

oops, almost tourettily misspelled:
who knows, it might even turn into your own little correspondance

CHEER UP MATE


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sartresue
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23 Jan 2008, 4:19 pm

Another scary and sad topic

I remember when my NT son tried to end his life. :( I came home from work and found him unconcious with a ligature around his neck. Had I not come home when I did...

Please, please get some help. This is horrible. I do not know you but yes I do care. I have read when parents or friends discover their loved ones have ended their lives. The pain and guilt...


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hiunikel
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23 Jan 2008, 4:21 pm

gbollard wrote:
Aspies and Depression go together - sorry - that means that it's not your environment so much as it is YOU.

Depression comes in waves.


i already lost my loved ones ...and i feel i don't have a place in this world ,it's not belonging to me

when i look to the past , i see just a very few beautiful merories i lived , i think i'm a cursed man

that i failed in many big things and , i was unlucky in many .... i have missed many opportunities i achieved nothing ,i'm not

giving up but i gotta confess ,if i'm condemned to live that way , the life under the soil will be better than living on it!!

i won't lie on myself anymore


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Last edited by hiunikel on 23 Jan 2008, 4:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.

TLPG
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23 Jan 2008, 4:23 pm

gbollard wrote:
Aspies and Depression go together - sorry - that means that it's not your environment so much as it is YOU.


I'm sorry, GBollard, but that's not correct. It is very much the environment - the actions of others putting one down. Even if it is a natural event (as you said elsewhere in the post I quoted from). I am yet to see depression as a result of something internal - and I've seen a lot both in others and within myself. And within myself, the solution was to either try and change the environment, or if that failed move on.



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23 Jan 2008, 4:47 pm

First of all, I gonna say that this is frequent thought to me.

Whether there's life after dead, reincarnation or nothing suicide is not a great solution, what do you win with that? Christian consensus is that suicides go to hell, the reincarnation belief will put you in a life identical to your current one since you've learned nothing, and just vanishing from phase of earth does not sound too pleasant to rush.

You mention that you had loved ones and that you had happy moments, you might believe that the quantity of happy times you've had was few and that such thing makes you a miserable person, the fact is that everyone, call him aspie, NT or whatever had very few happy times, that you can actually remember good times makes me aware that your life is much better than a lot of people's, regarded of that the people that were your loved ones, don't forget them , cause you owe your life to them. That's right, your life doesn't really belongs to you, even though you make all the decisions and are free, there are people that worked hard to let you exist and ... like it or not, there are people out there (or will be) that will depend on you in a way or another.

Life's not a gift, it is a responsibility, I recommend you that you get help if the suicide idea is very strong, I for one end up in depressive stages every now and then. But when I think of suicide I look bad to all the bad times I had in which I had the option to suicide but decided to survive and work harder and tell to myself how worthless those accomplishments would be if I ended everything now. Of all your loved ones that worked very hard for you to survive, there is one that you really owe big, it is yourself! You deserve to fight, you deserve to live and you deserve to survive, don't forget this.



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23 Jan 2008, 4:58 pm

20 was the worst year of my life, I was suicidal as well. At the time I couldn't see beyond where I was, I couldn't imagine that life could get better. But it DID get better, much better.
You just need to keep trying like Vince said. I don't even really get depressed anymore. I get sad occasionally, but no more of those existensial 'is my life worth it' thoughts. Your Aspie talents have a great value that has yet to be discovered.

Don't give up on your life before you've started! 8O
Are you seeking counselling?



hiunikel
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23 Jan 2008, 5:15 pm

zee wrote:
Are you seeking counselling?


i'm talking with you coz you are my family , even close to me ,.. you may understand me better than other people do , i don't want to let a bad souvenirs about me , ! but there's an adverb says "who's hand are on the fire is not like someone who's hands are on the water"

any wa thanks for everything

i love you all of you


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OregonBecky
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23 Jan 2008, 5:34 pm

Shrinks say that in order to be healthy psychologically, you have to lie to yourself about why things look more sunny than they really are. People who are too realistic tend to be depressed. I could site some stuff about this but anyone can do a search about this. I first read about it in a book called Shadow Syndromes.

I think that people on the spectrum are more realistic about things and have a harder time living in happy denial in order to ease the burden. So trying to climb out of the hole, that too much realism puts one into, makes doing things to make life rewarding take so much more work.


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Glencannon
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23 Jan 2008, 5:46 pm

I have struggled with depression ever since I was a teenager. I once even planned out my own suicide and while I was writing letters to my family and the few people I call friends, explaining why I had chosen to do what I was planning on doing, I realize how much I had to live for. I realized how ridiculous and petty my excuse was for giving up on my own life. I still keep those letters with me because often I have recurring thoughts about suicide and I use them to remind me of why my life is worth living. I don't know your situation at all, and I am just a random face in a sea of the anonymous internet, but I can't imagine that your life is so hopeless that you would rather rot in the ground than experience even the most painful moments of life. I know what its like to be full of despair and hopelessnees, but sometimes it is up to us to make our own hope. If you have nothing to live for, then go out and find something worth living for. It will not be easy, but nothing in life that is worth having is easily acquired.



Last edited by Glencannon on 24 Jan 2008, 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.