I hate myself. I hate the world and Life sucks
I learned this lesson the hard way after this tactic failed many, many times, at the ripe old age of 23.
Hey!! You are like thousands and thousands of other people. There are people on the spectrum everywhere.
Fascinating people that they all are. Sweeping statement? I don't think so. People on the Autism Spectrum are fascinating and enrich our lives.
Why do people amplify their undesired situations by choosing to believe that they are the only ones going through it?
Then again, this is coming from me...a 44 year old and I can't expect others to see things the way I do.
Just keep reading the first two lines of my post over and over until you believe it...if it helps.
_________________
Nothing much shocks me...so please stop trying...yawn...
i have not been diagnosed yet and i know how you feel my self.
like you i have always wanted to see the world burn i still cant wait for the end of it all and hope i am there to see it happen i stutter a lot when i use my mouth to talk and am hardly heard some times as i am very quiet i am here considered very smart and intelligent
and i often times am helping people with just about any thing they have problems with when it comes to tech stuff even though i suck at teaching i even had a history teacher ask me how to use the search engine on windows
just don't feel to bad it is not you the way you are is just fine but you must let go of how others think of you its hard i still haven't gotten used to it my self but it helps
if you can write well and finish( i cannot finish stories i start) then you are pretty good at something that is worth it
_________________
"some times those who have the illussion of great control are those who have no control." by johnathen umphenour.
Ah, I see you're 20; I remember what it was like at that age.
Don't hate yourself good sir.
If there's one thing I've learned from experience it's that all your really good traits are still in development; ya need a few years to grow into your skin is all.
Biggest recommendation: don't ask anybody to name your positive traits, they're gonna get 'em all wrong, and your self-hatred will actually last quite a bit longer.
What you should do is embrace the cards you were dealt, and learn to excel at your areas of interest. I assure you it will pay off in the long run.
People are gonna give you a lot of advice at your age, and most of it's gonna be really poor advice; but you're here...you're smart to be here; we've been thru all this too, I assure you.
The big difference in regards to when I went thru it was...I didn't know all the things about Autism then that I know now, so I really didn't think much of it, then.
You're here, and we can help you. We're here for ya, dude
I'm mostly neurotypical and I dislike calling AS a disorder.
Also I'm neurotypical and I can relate to a LOT of the so called Asperger symptoms.
I don't believe there's something wrong with me, or you for that matter.
I don't want to burst anyone's bubble here but you're blowing it out of proportion. There's probably nothing wrong with you except for one thing:
THE GAME
People with AS mostly don't play it. No one is like everyone else. The reason everyone acts like eveyone acts is because it is just that. An ACT. Society wouldn't function otherwise.
At home people are just like you and me.
Why would you hate yourself for being who you are? Some people like clubbing, you like writing. More power to you, your skill is actually useful.
Stop looking at things that are 'wrong' (your words) with you and start looking at your qualities. And I believe you have more qualities than just writing.
Also don't feel bad about hating Valentine's Day. A hallmark cash-in holiday if I ever saw one.
I don't want to downplay the struggles that are unique to having aspergers, but many people are miserable at your age!
I know I was. It was a combination of being extremely sensitive, recovering from childhood neglect, low self-esteem, and difficulty relating to other people.
Highly sensitive people and AS people have something in common: immunity to social conditioning. The expression is different as in I can definitely do what people expect--I can play the game--whereas someone with AS may or may not be able to. But I don't care to, but when I was your age I didn't realize that I didn't have to. I can't stand pointless chit-chat, fakeness, when people say things like, " I really want to see you" and we hardly know each other. Or, when people say, " I'll call you".... " Let's hang out"... or anything like that and they don't mean it and never follow through.
I cannot tolerate betrayal, teasing, gossip, illogical conversation, being emotional without reason, when people stay angry without resolution, defensiveness, etc... etc...
But when I was your age, I couldn't name all of that. I pointed it all at myself, I thought that I was the defective one and I just wanted to relieve my feelings of alienation by fitting in.
I hope that you never fully fit in! Fitting in means becoming immune to what's really going on, in service to what is socially acceptable.
Instead, I wish that you could develop self-esteem, find people like you (like here on WP) in real life, and learn who you are and what your needs are. If you make that your goal, surely you will get there.
If you have the resources, I'd start with some therapy. Find a professional that you trust and who fully supports you to open up to. Use Alice Miller's website to help guide you in finding a good therapist as there are tons of bad ones out there.
http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?force=faq
Then, are you taking care of your health? Eating whole foods, drinking plenty of water? Cut out all processed foods, soda, sugar and you will feel a million times better. Are you getting exercise?
That may seem unrelated, but it's actually the very base of feeling good. I know that when I eat a lot of sugar, I start to feel terrible incuding feelings of self-hate. If only I realized the power of nutrition at your age!
Hope you feel better soon! Keep reaching out!
_________________
"Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home." -Basho
Life will not always suck and plenty of people who don't have AS do all that stuff too
Try to think of some of the ways being Pedantic can be good, and think of some of the things you can do instead of focusing on the things you can't do (yet) or the negative side of the things you do.
I'll try to write some suggestions about the positives in a moment.
If you choose to be delusional, it is not. If you choose to live in reality, it is all that bad.
No offense, but not only is that a very cruel thing to say to someone, it's also delusional in itself. Lets get real - Aspergers is not the worst thing to happen to a person. In fact, it's not even among the worst things to happen to a person. I feel it would be offensive for me to complain about how crappy my life is due to aspergers when there arte others around me who have learned to cope with deadly afflictions such as cancer, alchoholism and organ failure. Who am I to complain? I don't think my aspergers is some horrible entity that destroys my life. Thing is Aspergers for me is just a default setting. Yes, as a consequence of my neurology, it causes me to be disabled which means that I must try harder to adapt to society.
Yes, it's difficult and yes it is frustrating to live with, but I'm way more fourtunate than most people on this planet. No matter what you personally feel about aspergers, you must agree that there are far far worse things out there than aspergers.
Jamesy
Veteran
Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom
I hate having semantic language impairment which is called aspergers as well.
Its awful to think I will never have a normal life that other people do. Sometimes I am grateful I have AS but when I watch documentries about it, god reality really sinks in.
Listen aspergers is not uncommon and even NTS having things which hold them back as well.
Don't worry to get where you wan't in life you just got to try a bit harder.
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