In social situations I dont know when to leave

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

fleeced
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 25 Jun 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 200
Location: Northern Ireland

27 Jun 2010, 5:16 am

Even with my parents I always wonder is it time to go yet and I'm observing everyone for clues. I prefer if there's a time limit and they said leave at 8.00. There's more to it than that though. Anyone feel like that?



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

27 Jun 2010, 5:25 am

I think everyone is the same. When I go to gatherings etc often noone feels comfortble leaving until one person says they're going and then a whole lot of people go at the same time.



Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,187

27 Jun 2010, 5:59 am

If I'm really uncomfortable I just leave when I can't take the awkwardness anymore. Once many years ago I was at a bridal shower for a friend. She was the only one I knew. I felt so alien sitting there listening to the prattle I became paralyzed socially and couldn't say anything. When I made my excuses to my friend and left I literally ran down the block after I left the house. Freedom!



smartguy47
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 42

27 Jun 2010, 6:02 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I think everyone is the same. When I go to gatherings etc often noone feels comfortble leaving until one person says they're going and then a whole lot of people go at the same time.


I agree. I notice with my NT family members that they are also unsure. That's about the recipe for deciding; it is usually when one person goes that everyone follows. This is because of one of two reasons: 1) the person was only intending to come for a short-time (for which their absence indicates nothing) or 2) they are showing respect for the host (for which everyone should leave).



y-pod
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,319
Location: Canada

27 Jun 2010, 6:38 am

Oops, doubled post.



Last edited by y-pod on 27 Jun 2010, 6:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

y-pod
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,319
Location: Canada

27 Jun 2010, 6:39 am

Me, too. My main focus at parties is usually food. Once I'm full there's not a lot left to do. I have very little interest in people's chatting and can never manage to join in. I tend to keep nibbling and end up eating too much. :) Then I'll go to the bathroom a lot, sometimes explore the place a bit, notice all the pictures and art hanging on the walls. If there's a game I tend to watch it from the side. Sometimes I sit down with little kids and play toys together. If I'm really bored I'll try to observe people's accessories. It's always fun to guess how many carat a diamond ring is or if it's real or fake. :D Usually by the time I feel I have to come and sit again, some people already left. Then I'll say my kids shouldn't stay up too late and leave, too.

If you drink, you can always pretend you had enough and don't feel so good and need to go early.



book_noodles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 953

27 Jun 2010, 9:37 am

I always ask when a visit will begin and when it will end. That comes off as odd to a couple people because it is supposedly just a casual visit but I neeeeed to know :lol: So I can leave at a time that is appropriate...
I recently was asked by someone who said she was my best friend three years ago to come over for a gathering of four people (including myself) and her father was asking the whole time when we would leave.. She kept telling him five but it was very strange..
When my parents forcibly drag me to stupid boring adult parties in which imbibing voluminous quantities of alcoholic beverages is the entire point, I sit and stare at a houseplant or pet their dogs or cats.. :nemo: but not their fishies. It really stinks when they don't have pets :( Actually sometimes it is annoying when they have little dogs because they follow me barking :evil:
ANYWAY I either follow apathetically behind my parents when they leave or I know EXACTLY when to get out. (Which feels better because it is certain..)


_________________
"If you look deeply emough into any person's soul, you can see the emu within them struggling to get out. Actually, most people don't have emus in their soul. Just me." - Invisible Dave, Lady of Emus


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 102,019
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

27 Jun 2010, 10:30 am

I do admit that I take things a little too seriously, sometimes, and nobody here, was talking about me. Why do I do that?

Back to the topic, I just tell the people who invited me, that I have to be up early for work, the next day.


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


Wuffles
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 354

27 Jun 2010, 10:41 am

Easy: AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

First time they leave you alone in a room with an open window.....

But I may be a smitch anti-social.



Willard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2008
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,647

27 Jun 2010, 12:00 pm

Wuffles wrote:
Easy: AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

First time they leave you alone in a room with an open window.....

But I may be a smitch anti-social.




^^Ditto^^

The real question is 'Why the hell did I come here in the first place?' Once that is established and dealt with, the exit is already overdue.



League_Girl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 23,593
Location: Pacific Northwest

27 Jun 2010, 12:05 pm

I think you can leave anytime. I learned in My Fun facts Coach the polite way of leaving is saying "I have to go." Sometimes people look at their watch and go "Oh look at the time, I need to get going."
My mom told me if a person is making me uncomfortable and I am sitting down and the person is right next to me, I can say "I am going to stretch my legs."

However if I am with people and we were all talking about my special interests and then all of a sudden they moved onto another topic I am not into or not interested in hearing. I stay for a few minutes so I am not being rude.



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,612

28 Jun 2010, 7:23 am

I figure this based on what my parents conditioned me with.

1-2 hours AFTER the main reason you went there. If it's for dinner, usually there is socialization after eating. After 1-2 hours, it might be polite to offer to go home. Certainly the host did not expect you to stay late. It's even easier to do this if the next day is school/work and you need time to do what you do to be ready for the next day.



Agnieszka
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,563

28 Jun 2010, 5:23 pm

Wuffles wrote:
Easy: AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

First time they leave you alone in a room with an open window.....

But I may be a smitch anti-social.

I wanted to say the same :lol:


_________________
Love,
A


reh
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 9 Apr 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 38
Location: London

28 Jun 2010, 6:45 pm

Wuffles wrote:
Easy: AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

First time they leave you alone in a room with an open window.....

But I may be a smitch anti-social.


Often, it's a torture to wait till the soonest time possible if you mean things like parties or random pub gatherings. I don't so much mind buses, trains or shops.



liloleme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2008
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,762
Location: France

28 Jun 2010, 6:51 pm

I have actually been in social situations, like parties, where I just sneak away (not from family or close friends).....I feel slightly guilty but I feel more relief that Ive escaped the situation.
I also have a hard time ending conversations on the phone....I start saying "Ok" a lot until the other person does it for me.



Brandon-J
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Mar 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 669
Location: North Carolina, USA

28 Jun 2010, 8:41 pm

Yea im like that also. I usually say sumthing like "well I gotta get ready to leave" or "i not gonna hold u up"


_________________
My first youtube video of myself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KNGwLccs5M

"If you feed your faith your fears will starve to death"

http://www.youtube.com/user/BrandonJ280