Ever felt that the NT world is just a game of let's pretend?

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alexptrans
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07 Jun 2010, 3:23 pm

It's a little hard to explain, but sometimes I feel that "normal" people care about stuff that I don't care anything about, so my initial thought is that the things they care about are somehow less real, like a charade or something. Does something similar every occur to anyone else?



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07 Jun 2010, 3:29 pm

Yes, definitely.

Also, they seem to alwaus be engaged in let's pretend conversations, following their own rituals of sounds, responses and body language that comes as little from the heart as the speech of a politician. NTs are as rigid about their social rituals as any autistic is about his/her personal rituals and ways of doing things.

When worlds collide...


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Last edited by Skilpadde on 07 Jun 2010, 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Abraham
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07 Jun 2010, 3:30 pm

That's what becoming an NT adult involves ... you actually believe all the lies you were told when you were growing up.

Great career and lots of money is better than love and tolerance ... mortgage, nice house, two cars, all of that is better than inner peace and harmony, laughter and joy.

This is how NT people really view the world ... they are like robots.



sophq
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07 Jun 2010, 3:30 pm

alexptrans wrote:
It's a little hard to explain, but sometimes I feel that "normal" people care about stuff that I don't care anything about, so my initial thought is that the things they care about are somehow less real, like a charade or something. Does something similar every occur to anyone else?


Yes, but it goes both ways.

I find most things people care about to be pretty shallow and superficial.

Because I live in the world of ideas, theories, and emotions.

Unless it belongs in one of those categories, I'm just not that engaged. I don't find them meaningful. I long for more connection in these areas.



CanadianRose
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07 Jun 2010, 3:33 pm

I don't particularly like computer games and video games. They are silly. They are time consuming.

Are these things "less real?" Are the people who enjoy them doing "a charade?"

Think of the things that you really are interested and genuinely enjoy.

NT's and other Aspies feel the same way about the things that they are interested in (even if you don't personally share these interests).

You might have difficulty getting into the mind of another person - but you will have to intellectually consider that other people (NTs or other Aspies) are autonomous beings with their own viewpoints and interests which are indeed very real.



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07 Jun 2010, 3:47 pm

For some it's always style over substance.



Abraham
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07 Jun 2010, 3:50 pm

Forming friendships and chattering come automatically to NT people, literally.

Anyone who doesn't reach out for friends in a crowd is not 'normal'.

I would say that for NT people, social behaviour is more or less automatic and involves little to no thought; and therefore, it is often superficial, meaningless, or insincere. Because NT people just like to hear each other talk, all the time. Talk, talk, talk ... forever and ever.



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07 Jun 2010, 3:53 pm

Definitely, a game of 'let's pretend that I care about/have the slightest interest in' the things that every NT on the planet seems to care about (what to wear, going to parties etc.).

I wouldn't want to say that my interests are better, just that they are different. I don't judge NTs, I am just truly not interested in the same things and I get very very mentally tired pretending that I am.

It does irritate me that NTs often feel that I 'ought' to be interested, that I have to 'fake it' to make life easier.



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07 Jun 2010, 3:57 pm

It does feel very much like most people are playing parts in a drama, rather than being real people.


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07 Jun 2010, 4:09 pm

Abraham wrote:
Forming friendships and chattering come automatically to NT people, literally.

Anyone who doesn't reach out for friends in a crowd is not 'normal'.

I would say that for NT people, social behaviour is more or less automatic and involves little to no thought; and therefore, it is often superficial, meaningless, or insincere. Because NT people just like to hear each other talk, all the time. Talk, talk, talk ... forever and ever.


those are pretty grossly exaggerated generalizations, along the lines of thinking all aspies are asocial.

superficial people are superficial because they are superficial. not because they are nt.

social interaction may come easier, on average, for nts than for aspies, but its highly individualized. just as some aspies are more social, some nts are less so.

*sigh* it bothers me to hear nt used as a derogatory term or to generalize undesirable characteristics. as if you can generate tolerance and acceptance by perpetuating stereotypes and intolerance against those you are requesting tolerance from. =/



Abraham
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07 Jun 2010, 4:12 pm

azurecrayon wrote:
Abraham wrote:
Forming friendships and chattering come automatically to NT people, literally.

Anyone who doesn't reach out for friends in a crowd is not 'normal'.

I would say that for NT people, social behaviour is more or less automatic and involves little to no thought; and therefore, it is often superficial, meaningless, or insincere. Because NT people just like to hear each other talk, all the time. Talk, talk, talk ... forever and ever.


those are pretty grossly exaggerated generalizations, along the lines of thinking all aspies are asocial.

superficial people are superficial because they are superficial. not because they are nt.

social interaction may come easier, on average, for nts than for aspies, but its highly individualized. just as some aspies are more social, some nts are less so.

*sigh* it bothers me to hear nt used as a derogatory term or to generalize undesirable characteristics. as if you can generate tolerance and acceptance by perpetuating stereotypes and intolerance against those you are requesting tolerance from. =/





Well I personally am not trying to gain anyone's tolerance ... I know how people tick and they will never tolerate the 'weirdo'. The 'weirdo' has to make his own way in life and shouldn't cringe or apologize to anybody.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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07 Jun 2010, 4:23 pm

It seems like whatever game it is is a boring one.



monsterland
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07 Jun 2010, 4:29 pm

A number of NT activities I considered to be superficial and stupid aren't actually superficial at all.

The more I train myself to develop some NT qualities, and the older I get, the more I begin to understand.

We listen to their speech patterns and there's nothing in their SPEECH that interests us a lot of the time. For instance, your aunt comes over to your mother's and starts chatting with her, and you listen to the words and it makes your brain numb.

I used to resent and ignore such cases. People just talking about single-digit IQ stuff, everyday mundanity, food, etc. Many of it in repeating patterns. I couldn't understand why they do it, because all I heard was their words.

Now I hear more. I understand that the words are not important. What's important is the rapport that people develop. We're all mortal, and the only things that we have to grab on to in this life are each other - family, friends, loved ones.

It doesn't matter how stupid are the things we talk about - there's another exchange going on at the same time. Not an exchange of words, but an exchange of energy. Exchange of LIFE energy, and on some level, LOVE. The words are merely the carrier wire for the current of the energy itself.

When life energy gets stale, the fire in your mind goes out, darkness comes, and people fall into depression. That's why people feed the fire. Keep the energy going. Whether they do it instinctively or consciously, doesn't matter... the energy refreshes and reinvigorates.

I find myself participating in a lot more of superficial talk these days, when it comes to people I care about. I am now tuned to the current underneath the words, and I trade it with them, back and forth, the way it was intended.



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07 Jun 2010, 4:38 pm

Well said monsterland and I agree, it's just that I personally need that sort of thing far less than the average person.



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07 Jun 2010, 4:50 pm

monsterland wrote:
A number of NT activities I considered to be superficial and stupid aren't actually superficial at all.

The more I train myself to develop some NT qualities, and the older I get, the more I begin to understand.

We listen to their speech patterns and there's nothing in their SPEECH that interests us a lot of the time. For instance, your aunt comes over to your mother's and starts chatting with her, and you listen to the words and it makes your brain numb.

I used to resent and ignore such cases. People just talking about single-digit IQ stuff, everyday mundanity, food, etc. Many of it in repeating patterns. I couldn't understand why they do it, because all I heard was their words.

Now I hear more. I understand that the words are not important. What's important is the rapport that people develop. We're all mortal, and the only things that we have to grab on to in this life are each other - family, friends, loved ones.

It doesn't matter how stupid are the things we talk about - there's another exchange going on at the same time. Not an exchange of words, but an exchange of energy. Exchange of LIFE energy, and on some level, LOVE. The words are merely the carrier wire for the current of the energy itself.

When life energy gets stale, the fire in your mind goes out, darkness comes, and people fall into depression. That's why people feed the fire. Keep the energy going. Whether they do it instinctively or consciously, doesn't matter... the energy refreshes and reinvigorates.

I find myself participating in a lot more of superficial talk these days, when it comes to people I care about. I am now tuned to the current underneath the words, and I trade it with them, back and forth, the way it was intended.


YES! This exactly.

I bolded my favorite part.



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07 Jun 2010, 5:16 pm

Aimless wrote:
Well said monsterland and I agree, it's just that I personally need that sort of thing far less than the average person.

I don't think I have less need for social interaction. I just get my energy from a different kind of interaction than the norm. I don't get as much "warm fuzzy" emotion from mundane chit-chat or small-talk. I get energy from sharing personal interests, stories, ideas, or participating in joint activities with people, stuff that happens more readily with a small group of friends. I guess this is what makes one an introvert.

Yet people tend to assume you don't want any interaction if you aren't able to make yourself do the mundane small-talk. That's the problem. Asking other introverts who happen to be NT about this I've found that they don't like small-talk either. They can just fake it easier without expending so much effort, and thus they're eventually able to get to the good stuff. For those of us that are both AS and introverted it's a much bigger uphill battle. Having a higher intelligence is another barier as it's easier to become bored with "average" people.