Do You Ever Feel Like You're Talked Over.

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I get talked over a lot espeacially in my family. I use to think it was because I spoke quietly. So now it's like I have to yell and it sucks since it sounds like I'm being rude. When I'm with a group of people I either put my 2 cents in and get the feeling like I said nothing or I say nothing. Now I've never been good at small talk, I don't know if that would have anything to do with it. Whenever I bring a topic up, I feel ignored. No one says anything. I have at least 2 people that seem to know what I'm saying. I hear this topic a lot among aspies. What's the deal? Who else has this problem?

I think I know what you mean. It's almost like others expect, that your response will be worthless anyhow, and sometimes start talking before you've even finished what you were saying. No apology, no nothing. Like your input is meaningless. It makes you want to give up trying to communicate. It really pisses me off. I usually end up walking away, if possible. Sound close?

I'm trying to deal with this at the moment at work. I got in trouble for something that had nothing to do with me, but because I can't explain things quickly and unexpectedly, I was shut down before I got my say. It happens all the time to me at work and I often feel like it's bullying, but that really anoying kind where you don't really have enough to make a complaint. All I know is that if I could communicate better and faster like most people I think they would listen to me and I wouldn't feel so angry at myself and them afterwards.

Yep. I also walk away when this happens and then feel stupid when asked if I'm angry. It really does almost feel like a form of bullying only it's something I really couldn't put into words. It seems like I can only explain it better on this site instead of the ppl that do this to me.

makes sense to me.

I almost screamed when I read this! Why are families like this? (Luckily, I never have this problem at work. Maybe because I'm the tech support guy, and people depend on me.) My family expects everything I say to be worthless, so they talk over me all the time. But I found a method that helps me fight this. I start talking, and when I notice other people starting to talk over me, I suddenly stop in mid-sentence. Surprisingly, I shocks enough people notice, and stop talking, solely for the purpose of hearing the rest of the phrase.

Next time, I plan to try a slightly different method. I'm still going to cut off in mid-sentence, but instead of finishing my phrase, I'm going to tell a one-liner dirty joke. (A one-liner is quick, so I that I can finish it before my family starts ignoring me.) The shocked look on everyone's faces will be priceless. After all, don't get mad, get even.

This happens to me a lot...most commonly with immediate family members and when I'm talking with a group of people. But I also think that I cut people off as well...I just usually don't realise when I'm doing it until someone says something. I'm usually more focused on what I'm saying so I don't really pay that much attention to others. But I don't do this all the time. Sometimes I just don't have anything to say and someone else dominates the conversation.

This happens 2 me quite a lot as i know my mum is a loudmouth at times n whenever i get da chance 2 talk i totally 4get wot 2 talk about it really gets on my nerves.

I don't think it's always down to being "talked over" or ignored.

For some reason, NT's do not want to talk about some of the things we want to talk about (it seems to actually make them uncomfortable) so they pretend you haven't said it & change the subject.

Sometimes I am saying something and the person I am talking to will say "Ssh!! !" as if it is something I shouldn't want other people to overhear, when I am talking about something I think is perfectly normal & wouldn't have a problem with the whole world overhearing.

I just can't understand why NT's are so sensitive about letting other people know what they think (or what their associates think!).

Growing up with my family/extended family, I feel this happened a lot. It happened up to a few years ago too (I'm currently estranged from my family, so obiously, it's not happening now.)

With friends/acquaintances, I think it does happen too. Certainly, with work type situations it happens a lot. Last year, I created a non-profit organization in my town and I had Board members talking over me and around me (making major decisions) without ever listening to me or consulting me...and I was the founder/major and only money investor in the organization! I lost many people in my life due to that situation, because one particular Board member bad mouthed me and told lies. The organization is currently on hiatus...I may start it up again, outside of Ithaca.

This was a good topic of discussion. I'm happy to know that I am not the only one.

My experience is that most people, when they talk, are not really interested in the content of what people say that much. They could almost be going "blah blah blah". What they seem to be interested in is the exchange of energy - batting the social ball back and forth. If your timing is off, you're not in the game, no matter what you have to say. What can help is having only one or two things to say and lying in wait for the right moment to say them. Then you get to participate, part time, instead of being shut out completely. It's tiring, though. And easy to dislike people who talk that way.

A friend of mine once asked me a question and I gave her the answer, but it was the wrong answer (it wasn't gossipy and shallow) so she asked me again, and got frustrated when I didn't have the right kind of answer for her. I think that's when that friendship went downhill forever. It's too bad because the answer I gave was one I would have liked to explore with her.

Not everyone's like that, though. Some people actually stop and think about what people say.

I might have to try this method, of course they'd probably still would jabber on as though nothing happened. Be worth a try though.

Depends, sometimes yeah but it's usually when i'm too slow. Also another thing that happens is I say things abit too late whilst someone is talking sometimes which is annoying!

I've been on both side of the coin here...

Up in Alaska I had an opportunity to work on a crew with many natives.
They tend to talk slower than me, pause between words longer, and will just stop talking when someone interrupts them.

Whenever they would pause in conversation, I would think it was my turn to start the motor-mouth.
Eventually I realized I was being very rude and interrupting them.
Learned my lesson.

My youngest sister and I will start talking, then as I am relating something to her she'll start talking right over often about something else entirely! It' gotten to the point where I don't enjoy talking with her at all.
We have a couple of people at work who do this too.

My former wife used to sit at the dinner table recounting her day to me, then when I tried to talk about something of interest to me she would turn her attention elsewhere or talk with our daughter while ignoring me.
I did like Aspie1 and would just stop talking all-of-a-sudden. Sometimes that would get her attention that something was amiss... not hearing my voice in the background I guess... and she would ask what was wrong.
I'd tell her I didn't feel like she was listening so I just quit talking.
She would then tell me that the things I liked to talk about or got excited about were of no interest to her so she would just 'tune' me out!

I tried for too many years to break through to her. This is one reason I am glad for our divorce. I'd rather be alone than intentionally ignored.

I know exactly how you feel, I can talk to someone and they will just start talking to someone else in the middle of what I'm saying. I get the impression they are actually listening to me but when they start talking to someone else it really pisses me off. It's like what they have to say to someone else is more important than what I'm telling them. Sometimes, but not always, they come back to me and ask me what I was talking about. I just tell them to forget it, if they cared about it they would have waited until I was finished. This happens to me almost on a daily basis. I'm glad I'm not the only one that experiences this.

I have this happen time to time. One example was in college. We had to work in a group and each group was studying photosynthesis. Our group was to do bacteria.

I couldn't interact well with the group members and couldn't figure out what the heck they wanted me to do. (it seemed like they were content leaving me out)

I went on the computer, googled up several interesting articles relevant to photogenic bacteria and printed them off.

I came back and showed the articles I found to the group and they said they didn't need anything I found! GRRRRR! I felt so angry and upset, I left them where they were and told the instructor about it. He looked at what I found and agreed I found excellent resources.

He cut me free from that group and assigned something else for me to do. (I had to do phytoplankton) I wasn't fond having to do the whole thing alone as well as presenting it in front of the class.

When it came to the presentation I had a heyday when my former group came up and said they didn't find anything!! !! I was feeling like HA! You should have listened! You should have given me the chance! I'm not some stupid unperson, hello? Internally I was gloating and hoping they get a very low grade.

When they asked for questions, I gave my pointed remark about this. The sad thing was I couldn't speak it verbally like I had in my head, so I was all teary eyed and shaky...