I want to hear from all aspies out there...

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I am going to write an informative speech on aspergers syndrome for my speech class, none of the students know what the heck aspergers feels like so it is up to you guys to describe how you feel about it. I only want honest responses so i can give a proper image on what it feels like to be an aspie.

Imagine, if you well, that you're always in a room full of people. These people and yourself all speak the same language, but in the back of your mind you know there is something wrong. While you feel as if you truly are speaking the same way as those around you, a piece seems to be missing. This piece would be known as emotions, which ones depend on the individual. And you know that no matter how far in life, no matter how mature you become, you can only really pretend to speak the full language. And that's just the tip of the iceberg...

Sorry if that sounds depressing, I'm horribly lonely today.

No that is Perfect...I wanted the nts in class to understand what we feel to make this a genuine learning experience for them.

Because I have anxiety, attention, and sensory issues, I use this analogy:

Imagine you are sitting by yourself in a locked studio apartment. There is no way out. Your hands are covered in honey. And EVERY single electronic appliance on in this apartment is turned on to the loudest volume. All lights are turned on and all the lightbulbs are 100 watts fluorescents. You are given instructions to not only assemble a computer, but have it work (meaning, you need to download the software for the OS too). You have 10 minutes. Go. Time is wasting! Oh yeah, and the instructions happen to be in a language you do not know. Good luck

Follow this url:
http://tinyurl.com/25jwwh
This redirects you to an essay I wrote about my experience shopping at a busy store. (using Wal-mart as an example)
Here's another essay I wrote:
http://tinyurl.com/3xegmo

With NT's studying autism from medical reports only gives a limited viewpoint. It doesn't give a good view of the big picture.

It's like the difference between studying Europe and actually being there.

Most of us can relate that extensive note taking with an overhead projection stating just a few dry historical facts, really doesn't portray an accurate view of European history. Movies and reenactments can make it more interesting and more alive, but still you're only getting a narrow perspective.

Or go to a museum and examine all the dead pinned butterflies. They are very pretty on the wall, but does that give us a good idea how those butterflies lived? Often I find myself wanting to see not just their upper wings, but the other side of their wings as well. The stale smell of moth balls makes me gag. Do butterflies smell like mothballs? No. The moth balls there to preserve a dead specimen. I prefer the living butterfly exhibits to the dead ones. The living butterflies give you a better clue to what they are like than the dead ones.

I think it is important to stress to NT's that in order to understand autism, they need to look for stuff written from an autistic perspective. I recommend looking up the works of Amanda Baggs on you-tube. She shares some interesting perspectives.

Socially: Think of the most boring person ever, who only talks about lint and what he found in his sock drawer last night. to be forced to talk to him every day would be horrible, right? This person is the majority of NTs. Have fun socially interacting now.

Socially, continued: When you find someone who doesn't have the carbon copy personality of the one above, summarilly lobotomise yourself so you lose all knowledge of how to actually socially interact. Go interact. Didn't like you did he? thought you weird, arrogant, overly shy? and so now even the decent people you like you can't make friends with.

On your lonesome: Take two pills of OCD as pertains to your interest. Have at wikipedia! Glory.

My social analogy:

I'm invited to join a poker game. None of the blokes claim to be acquainted. But as the game progresses, one of them mentions the weather, another replies and promptly throws down two cards. Another one says something about an item on the news, and the one fellow replies, then promptly raises his bet. I know from their behavior that something's afoot, but what?
Am I paranoid or stupid? Are they signaling each other?
Did I miss out on something? Do they all know each other, but lied to me?
Should I try to pretend to not notice? Should I try to be "in" on this invisible communication? Should I just quit the game? Or should I play my hand the best I can?

My Idea of Being an Aspie:
You're born and seem to develop normally. But mom notices that there's just something different about you, but she can't quite place what it is. She does her best to understand you, but only with limited success. You grow up and as you grow, you start noticing things. Your mom notices it too, but she can't find ANYONE that can tell her why you are the way you are. Meanwhile you wonder why you're so different and yet you seem like you'd be normal, but inside, you don't feel like you're really normal. You have little or no friends. You like being alone anyway, so it doesn't bother too much. But you do feel left out. Another shadow, an outcast. No matter where you go, you never seem to be able to fit in. You always seem to stick out no matter what. No one seems to be able to understand you very well and you grow angry and frustrated because you feel so isolated. "What's wrong with them?! Leave me alone!! !! Why can't anyone just accept my differences and deal with it???" Suddenly, mom drags you somewhere and you're diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. Now things are starting to make sense. You learn how to fit in better with the Neurotypical Dominated World. Sure, you learn how to act normal, but we always know we aren't normal and never will be. Being an Aspie makes us unique and special. That's why we don't exactly want to completely learn to be NT always forever for all time 24/7. No. We want to KEEP ourselves the way we are. Sure, improvements on how to interact are nice and can be useful. But I would hate to have to act normal ALL the time. I want to let my Aspie self out but sadly, I get teased for it, people call me weird and freakish, they call me crazy and avoid me for it. But hey, that's just NTs for you. They're all just scared of anything that's not normal for them so they avoid it or make fun of it in hopes that it will go away. But no, it won't. Aspies will always be there and there is NOTHING that NTs can do about. -Power Girl

I always think of Asperger's like this:

Imagine that you are a person who looks like all the other people (in this particular universe, there are no visible differences in people at all). However, you constantly have the feeling that they are all talking behind your back about how weird you are. You look in the mirror and you think that you look exactly the same. You have the same physical features, you have the same clothes, you go to the same classes, drive the same car, read the same books, etc. People still talk about you as weird, though. However, when you are alone, you abandon all of these things and go on a wild individuality streak. One night, after falling asleep in a drunken stupor in a mirrored room, you discover that you have an invisible "WEIRD" tattoo on your forehead.

The point is that we can do things exactly the same as NTs but our invisible weird tattoo always pokes out. When younger, I always tried to fit in and look exactly the same as everyone else, but then I realised that I had some huge glaringly brilliant thing that would trigger the "OMG you're weird" reaction. A little vintage dress, a rhinestone pin, my shoes. Something. I am just driven to not be the same under any circumstances. I can't help it, I can't even control it. That's just the way that it is.

All my life I've felt that people seemed to have this hidden language that I was deaf to. Turns out I was right. I get myself into horrible social faux pas and can never figure out what I did wrong unless it is explicitly pointed out to me

Growing up I always knew something was 'off' somhow. Was I strange or was everybody else strange? I leaned towards the later; after all the things I did always made perfect sense to me while the actions of others seemed to puzzle them as well as me. Why did people gossip when they wouldn't want others to gossip about them? Why did people bully? Why did people lie? Logically I knew that it would be a statistic impossibility that I was the only sane on in the world, it was much more likely that I was the odd one.

I never thought myself human, not quite at least... but what did that make me? Except lonely? I loved school, but disliked recess, but you try telling that to someone when you are 8 years old. I made a legend of myself in my school as the little professor who could solve every problem and wasn't afraide of setting the teacher or the older children straight.

Optimism, I later learned, is a symptom of autism... Well I certainly have plenty of it. Things get better when you keep at them, and for the first time in my life I had people who I could call friends. And I dare say I make an excelent friend, you would be hard streched to find someone more loyal and caring than me, and having known lonelyness as I have, I will never take my friends for granted.

When I was told I had Asperger's syndrom... everything fell into perspective. I had long since accepted who I was, but knowing that I was not alone in being this way was... wonderful! It didn't change much though, I am me and I always will be, what is important is that I feel I can be proud of the person I have become, and is on my way to becomming.

I still don't understand why people lie, but there are so many things I seem to see much clearer then my NT friends. It is a mixed blessing to be sure, but I am blessed!

Was that sincere enough for you Roseduelist?

You all did wonderfully! This is going to be a great frame of reference for my classmates. I am likely to print all of this out and hand it to the next person who has questions.

When I was a kid, I was convinced I was an alien. When I got older, I realized that I too am a human being with feelings, and that I must have something unique to contribute to the world. Unfortunately, many people are slow to realize this. Whether they label me a ret*d or a genius, some of them must find fault with me at any cost. This hurts, and it took me some time to sort out exactly why it hurts. Thoughts make more sense than feelings. On the flip side, I have a few friends who are understanding and have earned my trust and respect. They've stood up for me, and if I knew how to do something that meant just as much to them, then I would. I hope they understand this. One more thing I'd like to mention here is that I can view life as a beautifully detailed jigsaw puzzle picture. I can step outside, and hear birds, chimes, people, and make out the parts in a classical music piece I hear playing a block away. I take in the scents of earth, grass, three different restaurants, and a few drops of drink someone spilled outside. Also I smell rain coming, or later, rain water as it's hit by the sun. All of this forms one multisensory picture of things.

When I went in for my diagnosis, I told the psychiatrist that it was living at the bottom of a deep well. No matter how loud I shouted, I couldn't get anyone to hear me.

I also said it was like having a huge chasm (which I now know is pronounced khasm) between me and everyone else, only they couldn't see the chasm. They'd want me to meet them halfway, but I needed someone to build a bridge so I could cross over.

Socially (including most work), I cannot participate unless someone "adopts" me. The trick is to make sure I get adopted by the right person. (Very hard, since the people most likely to adopt me also adopt many other people to gather an entourage around them, and I find that tiring. But it can be fun, too, for a while.)

do you have an e-mail address? I wrote quite a long thing a while back, and it's still a work of sorts in progress, but it talks about all kinds of things I deal with.... I dunno what kind of info you are looking for, but there is a lot of stuff there.