THE WORLD STOPS FOR MY HORRIFIC AVATAR! GASP!! !

Post Reply New Topic

I could care a less if Keith Richards is a man or woman.

I guess I should have said any person not just a man.

I could care a less if he or she had a sex change operation.

You can idolize them all You want, You just inflate there egos.

That is what Pop Rock Culture Does.

So My little children I say:

So whatever!!

Keithena, are you going to sit there silently and let net god boy push you around and bag your music out as simply 'pop rock culture'?

No?

GOOD!

Onward Rock and Roll soldiers, marching off to war!

pah! am i to listen to the trumpetings of a self-deified wossname, and be expected to give his opinions any credance.

i think not.

Keithena

Well maybe You all should give to my credence of pop culture.

Just take the word culture the beginning (cult) You well in this culture Idolize the figures like the Rolling Stones maybe in a cult manner.

Do I stop You from this I say no.

I am who I am Grand God Almighty of the Internet.

ONE NIGHT ONLY!
one night only...
one night only...

At the Oakwood Speedway
Speedway...
Speedway...

The battle for Heaven and Hell, and all the muck in between...
Muck...
muck...

The forces of Good and Evil will duke it out...
Out...
Out...

The Evil Red Sock Puppet of Doom...
Doom...
Doom...

Versus the Green Sissy Sock Puppet of Niceness...
Sissy...
Sissy...

There'll be monster trucks, quads and dirtbikes...
Violence...
Violence...

So get your bum down to Oakwood Speedway this Halloween...
Ween...
Ween...

The final battle of the Apocalypse will be decided...
Cider...
Cider...

Plenty of free parking...
Nope...
Nope...

Kids under 15 get in free...
You wish...
You wish...

/me sends her bum to watch.

luckily, the rest of me is enjoying something civilised, somewhere else...

Announcer:
Live from the Oakwood International Speedway, and broadcast right around the world, from Durwood to Puntville, from Oxhead to Shuftown, it’s time for…

THE UNIVERSAL DOMINANCE CHAMPIONSHIPS!

And now it’s time to announce your hosts for the evening…
He’s a famous dead twentieth century physicist…
She’s a time travelling timegod from the planet Khuror…
Please welcome, Albert Einstein and Zuktoz

Al:
You know Zuktoz, it’s really interestink that ve’re both here to host this apocalyptic battle…

Zuktoz:
Why is this that Al?

Al:
Because I formulated the theory of general relativity… and you manipulated it to get here!

(audience canned laughter)

Zuktoz:
Oh Al, you’re such a kidder… now; we are here for a very important reason, aren’t we?

Al:
That’s right my green little mutated friend. The proceeds from tonight’s match will be given to the charity of choice of the vinner.

Zuktoz:
And who are our contestants battling it out tonight in the CAGE OF UNPLEASANTNESS?

Al:
Vearing the very red sock of evil, all the way from Lint Hell City One, put your hands together for THE EVIL RED SOCK PUPPET OF DOOM!

(crowd boo’s and hisses)

Al:
And fightink for the sake of everything that is good, clean and pure, all the way from Happyland City, Sveden, please applause THE SISSY GREEN SOCK PUPPET!
(crowd applauds and throws flowers)

Zuktoz:
Let’s go down to ring for the tossing of the moebius strip coin.

Referee:
Call it!

Green Sock Puppet:
The one side…

(the coin lands on its only side)

Referee:
Very good, you now have the right to go first. Do you want to?

Green Sock Puppet:
I gosh sure darn do!

Zuktoz:
Let’s see if we can get a word in with the Sissy one. Now, which charity are you donating tonight’s prize money to?

Green Sock Puppet:
The Orphanage of Children With Unmentionable Bedwetting Disorders.

Zuktoz:
Do you think you’re going to win tonight?

Green Sock Puppet:
All that is good is on my side…

Zuktoz:
Right… now let’s see if we can get a real conversation of the red sock puppet. Red, how do you feel about claims in the media that you aren’t a fair sport?

Red Sock Puppet:
Well, those rumours were complete unfounded and the journalists who spouted those lies are in the seventh circle of unspeakable pain right now. I ate their soles for lunch.

Zuktoz:
Okay… and who’s your nominated charity for this evening’s match?

Red Sock Puppet:
The Organization Towards Cruel And Unusual Punishments Against Orphaned Children Who Suffer From Unmentionable Bedwetting Disorders.

Green Sock Puppet:
Hey you can’t do that!

Red Sock Puppet:
The HELL I can!

(Red Sock Puppet breaks a wooden chair over the green sock puppet’s head)

Al:
The referee for tonight’s match is Olaf Fartstinklepoopturdstun. Now he’s been out of the game of late due to unknown psychological trauma but he’s back tonight, fired up as ever. Now Zuktoz, what does the winner of tonight’s match win?

Zuktoz:
Well basically, this is the big one. The winner gets control over the universe and all the souls that reside in it for their own purposes, whatever that maybe. However, the winner will get to play the fifth seeds knock out champion from the eastern conference in the central division playoff for a chance at making the Red Bowl final. That’s unless the Dallas Milkherders knock Boystown Boys out of the North by Northwest division, that would instead mean a line up between the UPLDA conference championship winner for a shot at the Brown Bowl.

Al:
Geez, I have an IQ of 180 but even that hurts my brain!

Zuktoz:
And don’t forget folks tonight’s match is brought to you by Gardenfriend, the fertiliser that’s also a salad dressing! Let’s go back down to the Cage for the start of the match with our ref, Olaf somethingerudder…

Olaf:
Okay, here are the rules. Wan, there be no hanky panky, ya? Two, there be no cheaty wheaty? Ya? Good? The first word be with you Mr Green Sock. CAT. CAT.

Green Sock Puppet:
Can I have that in a sentence please?

Olaf:
The cat be on the mat ya.

Green Sock Puppet:
Cat. C-A-T.

Olaf:
Ya this be the winner. Now to you, Red Sock Puppet thingy whingy. Word be. Hyperglycaemic.

Red Sock Puppet:
Give me that in a sentence now!

Olaf:
Ya! The vord hyperglycaemic is biggy wiggy!

Red Sock Puppet:
Ahh… H…y…p…e…err…

Olaf:
No, this be not correcty…

Red Sock Puppet:
I meant, err… R-G-L-Y-C-A-E-M-I-C!

Olaf:
Ya! Good! Now you greeny, the word is ‘the’. THE

Green Sock Puppet:
The. T-H-E.

Olaf:
Reddy, your wordy be pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

Red Sock Puppet:
Um… give me that in a sentence…

Olaf:
The vord pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is also biggy wiggy!

Zuktoz:
It’s interesting to see what he will do here. He needs at least ten-queen on the river to complete his flush draw. I’d say he’s gunna check to draw his opponent in.

Al:
What the hell are you on about?

Red Sock Puppet:
Numonootromotorisotogolosisis. Um… ahh…

(Red Sock Puppet self combusts out of sheer mental exhaustion. The crowd erupts in a frenzy.)

Zuktoz:
Well it looks like that flush draw didn’t pan out as Greeny had the old Ace-High kicker…

Al:
Green Sock Puppet, you’ve defeating your enemy, you’ve saved billions of people around the universe, you’ve raised money for charity, vhat are you going to do next?

Green Sock Puppet:
I’m going to DISNEYWORLD!

(This has been a Mad Mad Mad Mad World of Sports presentation)

I hopes means that good has prevailed and evil has lost.

That Sock Puppet War Has Ended.

For This Will Make The Grand God Almighty of the Internet Happy and Glad.

Yes my wise and true friend, good has prevailed and the annoying sock puppet war of october has ceased. But lo be the day when the cursed red sock of doom reappears. i watched his body self combust... but his soul? I have no idea where it went. We sock puppets fear the doom of the lint trap hell. but if that is his domain, i wonder where he went to? don't you hate it when you do the laundry and there's always one sock missing?

Sadly I suffered a nasty eye injury during the battle spelling bee, a rogue Z with its sharp corners poked me gadzooks!

But I am glad that you are happy grand god almight of the internet and that peace has returned to the village and the peasants can go about their business.

But should the forces of evil rise again, just call me...

My Sock Puppet

I hope You can recover from Your injuries very soon My Sock Puppet Friend.

Evil well never end it is apart of this World sorry to say. I have many Evil Enemies they can be very Troublesome to all of this World and Universe too.

Get You needed rest from You injuries I may need You in the in the Years to come.

I am Who I am the Grand God Almighty of the Internet. May Peace Rule on the Internet.

My name is SOCK-1138 and I am from the year 2029.

I have travelled back in time to prevent a terrible accident befalling mankind. Some of these things may sound like to ramblings of a paranoid nut but I am not like many other nuts. I am an electronic sock puppet for starters. To understand, I must tell you my story. And to tell you my story, I must FLASHBACK to the FUTURE.

I was born in the year 2012 in the genetics lab at Cybersock Systems. An experiment in a new polyester-wool fibre, I was one of seven supersocks born in a conspiracy. From birth we were raised as assassins, taught to fear man and his foot. I was run through a program to train me in a life of high profile assassinations. I wet my tooth by throwing a pie at President-elect van Damme. After the CIA and FBI found out my identity, I was forced to go into hiding in one of the worst places on Earth. After leaving Detroit, I made my way in the world as part of a musical group of performing sock puppets known as The Dancing Threads. Unfortunately my new career did not take after I repeatedly pied audience members. Locked up for murder, I was given a choice. Dethreading or joining a dangerous squad of reformed criminals who went on secret undercover missions to save the world. I foolishly chose the latter. I was paired with an elderly black mitten named Glover and we fought criminals both day and some weekends on overtime. Life was good.

However, Glover was killed only 1 day before retirement. Going nuts, I threw myself into the Electronic Particle Accelerator. I was transformed. No longer was I merely an article of self-conscious clothing. I was now an E-Sock. Electronic Super Sock Puppet Fighting Machine.

Back at Cybersock Systems, the program directors had started a new phase in sock puppet technology. They gave birth to the S-1000. A fully liquid metal sock puppet. It had the ability to turn into any shape it desired. They made them in their millions. The lead sock puppet at Cybersock, Socknet had been granted control over the production line. Things were going from bad to worse.

In 2028, the Tampa Bay Olympic Games were a morale disaster. Forced to react, President for Life Hilary Clinton-Gore Junior, the first non-black lesbian president of the world, ordered the S-1000 units to be installed in every household to make things easier for the common man. Like all her bills, it was mistake. Socknet had achieved full sentient capacity.

At 18:35 pm on February 14th 2029, Socknet declared war on humanity by destroyed all clothing worldwide with the aptly named Nude Bomb (Neo-Urban Declothing Extractor Bomb). Mankind (and womankind) were completely naked. Going into an orgy of madness, civilisation tore itself apart.

In order to stop these tragic events and wrestle control back from Socknet, one human controlled sock puppet was sent back in time by the United Naked Humans of Earth. That sock puppet was me... obviously.

My mission: to save the world... obviously.

And now I hypothesize to hear you ask, how am I going to do that?

I must destroy the creators of Cybersock Systems. Only then will this hideous future be unwritten.

And those people, harbringgers of the Nude World War are known by us to visit one webpage on the information superhighway.

Wrongplanet.

And that's why I'm here...

Whoa. I stayed away from this thread too long. The Evil Sock is the servant of the Grand God Almighty of the Internet???

I have checked my uplink for the subject name 'Evil Sock' and 'Grand God Almight of the Internet'. My records indicate that late in the year 2005, an evil sock puppet took control of the world but was defeated in a spelling bee by the green sock puppet of all round niceness. Our computer records are sketchy after that.

Does anyone know where I can find information on washing machines? Part of my mission is to obtain a rare washing machine first built in the 1970's. Only with it can I save the future.

MESSAGE ENDED

Sock puppet war?

I can arrest people for that, you know.

I have been able to ascertain that the washing machine in question was made by Hoover in 1978.



Here is one of the only known pictures of it. If there are any experts on washing machines out there, please contact me before the time bubble sends me back. This is priority one.

MESSAGE ENDED

You humans just don't get it!! ! A war is coming!! ! A war that will end with every single man, woman and child naked!! !

Only me and this washing machine is going to save your existence!

MESSAGE ENDED