Parent in denial that I could have something like Aspergers.

Post Reply New Topic

Is this common or has this happened to you?

I tried talking to my mom more about Asperger's again today and told her I made the appointment to see a psychologist and she tells me how normal and happy I was growing up. Then I ask her to tell me some stuff from when I was younger. I remember quite a bit and believe me, I know that there is some weird stuff I did, just like any kid, but she didn't give me any insight. It's like she doesn't understand or thinks this is a phase. Hello, I am 27 and have no reason to wonder if I have a syndrome like this! Anyway, I really do think my brother possibly could have it too (he's 37), but who knows.

I was just wondering if this happens a lot...I know it's weird to be 27 and wondering...but I was diagnosed 11 years ago with social phobia and generalized anxiety disorder and really thought nothing more of looking into another diagnosis even though I was still feeling so diconnected from the world...

My mom was in denial when I started thinking about having my son diagnosed. Then she did some research and said, you know, he's not so different from you.

She seems okay with it sometimes, and then others she wonders if I did myself a favour or not. We did it backwards. Diagnosed the kid and then me.

It's hard to put it all together. My dad has been less than accommodating about the whole thing. He just thinks that I'm going to wake up one day and not be weird, I think.

My ex doesn't believe that my son is AS. I don't know how you can look at him and not realise he's weird. I guess dad's have a harder time accepting it though.

BTW, I was 38 when I was diagnosed and my son was 15.

I think my mother doesn't want to think I have AS either. When I mentioned I might have it, she said that I do have AS traits, but it's not actually AS unless it causes you problems. Apparently she doesn't remember all the times in my childhood when she got frustrated about those very problems I do know, though, that she researched autism when I was a kid. I found a bunch of books on it in the house; in one of them, all the AS traits I had were underlined.

When I brought it up the first time with my mom I had to explain what it was because she didn't know. When I told her that it was on the autism spectrum she got pretty quiet. I didn't know what she was thinking, so I didn't bring it up again. A few months later, she clipped out an atricle about it in the newspaper for me. Apparently she had been doing a little research herself after I told her, and she believes I have it as much as I do. I've talked about it with her a few times since then, but she doesn't want to help me get a diagnosis. I understand her reasoning because I feel the same way about it. But even if I wanted a diagnosis more than anything and had the money to see a specialist, that's one of those things I'm not sure I could go do without someone's support and encouragement. But either way it doesn't matter, I'm still me no matter what label I do or don't have.

My mother agreed with me; at one stage she thought I was more Asperger's than autistic disorder (my father has BAP in the least, possibly "mild" Asperger's), but even then I fitted AD far more ("markedly rigid social approaches"), and she saw such too.

Grades 3 to 7 I had no difficulties, i.e., I did well in school, and I had "friends" (albeit, they were the ones who approached me, but I still interacted). Other times I had and have marked and severe difficulties in academia and social interaction in comparison to my overall cognitive ability and peers, as well as communication difficulties [that push me to AD rather than AS].

Whilst I was/am happy as long as I had/have my routine, I guess I still had problems that even she saw (apple of the mother's eye and all seems to cloud the vision, and I interact with her different to everyone as I attached myself to her from an early age, which is a common thing to occur).

My parents accepted the diagnosis fine, but I've heard of others not doing so well with it. Sometimes this has to do with education (they don't really understand it or are blinded by the stigma sometimes associated with it), or somethimes a parent's desire for a normal child because they see normalcy as a factor in happiness. I'm sure there are other reasons for it as well. You could try leaving some information on Asperger's Syndrome or even a copy of the diagnostic criterea for your mother to read when she's ready, maybe even a letter explaining why you think this and want to know. This way you can inform her of your thoughts on the subject in a non-confrontational way that she can read at when it's best for her. At the end of the road though, you need to do what is best for you, if that means going to see if you have AS or not, even without your mother's blessing, if you need to know.

if you feel that strongly about it yopu shouldn't care about other peoples views on the matter

First time I read about AS, I thought "Hey! That's the answer!", so I told my mom and sister about it.

After talking about AS traits, my sister understood and believed me, and told me she always had thought I was "different". She was the only person who really trusted me.

I thought my mom had believed me to, but one day she told me "You are normal, you are not autistic". I haven't talked to my dad about the topic because he's closed-mind, he only thinks I'm a spolied girl and one day I'll understand my way of thinking is wrong.

On January of this year (one month before my sister had died), mom and sister were watching a TV show, a guy gave a brief explanation about autism and AS. Then my mom began to think about me having AS, but she's not convinced.

rrrgh, my mom doesn't want to have me tested. It's pretty obvious, even to the layperson, but she just says "well, you're doing so well, there's really no reason" so I dunno :S anyways, I'm past the prime age I think. Even though every psychologist I've spoken to has told me to get tested.

You seem to have a lot of posts about wondering if you have Asperger Syndrome. I would encourage you to get an opinion from someone who knows a lot about diagnosis criteria, and depending on what they say, get tested for AS. I know it's different for adults, but it wouldn't hurt to learn more about the possibility. There is a chance that you do have AS, even if your mother doesn't want to think so. It's understandable that she's afraid, I would talk to her, and explain that it's not the end of the world if you do have AS. Whether you have it or not, it doesn't change who you are already. :)