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SotiCoto
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16 May 2008, 6:58 am

Lets face it.... in our everyday lives, much as we might try to avoid it... chances are we're surrounded to some extent by the mundies... the neurotypicals... whatever you want to call those things.
In whatever small ways we have learned, we likely all have our social "coping mechanisms" that we can operate around the mundie mobs in order to diminish our own sense of inadequacy. We are, that is to say, moderately used to it...


But how often in person do we actually encounter other Aspergians and interact?
I've had it a few times, though not many. I've found more often than not there is somewhat of a silent understanding there..... but also a high tendency for conversations to descend aimlessly into bickering.

I figure though, if the actual topic of BEING aspergian and encountering other aspergians can be put aside and not be perpetually considered a novelty (look down this entire forum, for crud sake)... I have every reason to believe we can communicate far better with each other than we ever could with the mundies.... assuming a certain amount of leeway is given for differences in opinion.



schleppenheimer
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16 May 2008, 7:44 am

I am NT, but would observe interactions when my son (then elementary aged) interacted with other aspergians kids (mostly middle school age) at a social skills class. What you describe, about bickering, happened a lot. It was a catch 22 situation, in that it was wonderful for my son to be there with other kids like him, who had the same interests, but as a group, it became harder with every passing year for them to unlearn behavior, such as oneupmanship, and bickering.



SotiCoto
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16 May 2008, 7:50 am

schleppenheimer wrote:
I am NT, but would observe interactions when my son (then elementary aged) interacted with other aspergians kids (mostly middle school age) at a social skills class. What you describe, about bickering, happened a lot. It was a catch 22 situation, in that it was wonderful for my son to be there with other kids like him, who had the same interests, but as a group, it became harder with every passing year for them to unlearn behavior, such as oneupmanship, and bickering.

Bickering isn't always a negative thing, mundie...
It just has to be focused the right way. An "agree to disagree" resolution is generally the best result... Stalemate, if you will. No side will either admit defeat honestly... and generally it doesn't matter.
If done properly and in an impersonal manner though, it can help keep the mind sharp.



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16 May 2008, 10:25 am

I thought Mundie was the second day of the week, after Sundie...



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16 May 2008, 11:46 am

I prefer interacting with my non-autistic friends above interaction with autistic people right now.

It's easier. More familiar.

Personally, I'm used to non-autistic people. Simple. I have no naturally understanding of other people.

Just because an aspie or autie shows up on my doorstep, it doesn't mean I get along with them or find it easy to talk to them. Though I must admit, auties tend to make more sense than aspies sometimes... bare with my fleeting impression, I may have to get to know more auties hehe...

So: it totally makes no differences if a person's autistic or not to me. I hoped it would be like that, but I found out it's not.

The same kind of isolation with autistic and non-autistic people.


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16 May 2008, 1:06 pm

i only met one other aspie in person and me and him understood each other really well otherwise i never hear about an autistic person unless its something negative about them which i find kind of wrong



cypria
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16 May 2008, 2:48 pm

I met some aspergers and to be honest, it was so much more difficult to communicate with them then with most NTs.
I guess since NT have a better understanding of other people, they can adjust to my behaviour and so there's at least one person who can control the situation..



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16 May 2008, 2:57 pm

I've never met an ASpie who was diagnosed, but I know several who are, even if they don't know it. When we're on the same wavelength, it's entertaining. But sometimes it's maddening. Someone else's obssessions aren'r nearly as fascinating as mine.


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16 May 2008, 5:48 pm

I don't generally interact well with anyone, so if I meet a new person, it would be irrelevant if they're on the spectrum or NT. However, I seem to open up better when I'm with people who are chatty, so I suspect I'd find it difficult to have a meaningful conversation with another aspie.


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SotiCoto
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19 May 2008, 10:26 am

Willard wrote:
I thought Mundie was the second day of the week, after Sundie...

They're every day of the week...
... And you know what I mean. Save the pedantry for the neurotypicals.


Prof_Pretorius wrote:
I've never met an ASpie who was diagnosed, but I know several who are, even if they don't know it. When we're on the same wavelength, it's entertaining. But sometimes it's maddening. Someone else's obssessions aren'r nearly as fascinating as mine.

I've known the odd diagnosed one here or there, but that aside.... I have much the same way of thinking about it as you expressed there. Things click that don't normally seem to click... and wouldn't be expected to. Almost enough to cause a double-take.... and then of course something causes a disagreement, and then nothing can shut the argument up.



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19 May 2008, 10:31 am

I imagine that it would vary from person to person.


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19 May 2008, 10:45 am

Prof_Pretorius wrote:
But sometimes it's maddening. Someone else's obssessions aren'r nearly as fascinating as mine.


Ooooh yes thats for sure!
I was at a friends house once who is an aspie (although undiagnosed) and she spent 30 minutes giving me a lecture about the human body and mineral deficiencies! I was trying to be polite and listen but eventually I couldn't take anymore and asked if we could talk about something else, which thankfully stopped the lecturing.

I find though, that I am just as clueless if not more, on how to interact with aspies than I am with people not on the spectrum.

With aspies, there seems to be many silent periods in between conversation which in all honesty, make me kind of nervous as I don't know when I should start talking again.

With NT's, there seems to be a lot of talking with not enough time to respond, so again, it makes things difficult.


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19 May 2008, 11:20 am

i find the flow of conversations to be different. a lot more direct with NT... yet missing a lot of important points... it's a lot more distracted and tangential with AS ect ppl i've met... but more encompassing imo.


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20 May 2008, 2:57 am

I've definitely wished I had some "aspie" friends to hang out with, and probably do but don't know with any certainty yet, but I'm so isolated I don't see folks much except on formal group occasions, picnics, parties, memorial gatherings, and there's always a very mixed crowd. I suspect one thing though, when it comes to relating, we're already "survival-conditioned" by the N/T-centric world we've grown up in, and we definitely have acquired "habits" from that experience that we carry around which would influence our relations with our "own kind" .

I suspect that, if a bunch of us were to enter an experimental society for a significant time, with the N/T - "aspie" ratio reversed, that we would likely evolve into a more easy feeling of relating with each other, but with it's own "flavor". We would probably evolve into an N/T-like society in many basic ways.

Not that I'd want to do anything like that in reality; the grass seldom turns out to really be greener on the other side of the fence!

I know of a couple friends, living across the world from myself, who might be "aspie", and I visited with them not too long ago; just like me, they show conditioning from life experience that I suspect makes us a bit more withdrawn, a bit more touchy perhaps, than we necessarily would be without the N/T-centric domination.

Obviously, just having the particular "group characteristics" we have doesn't negate the fact that we have individual personalities like anyone else.


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20 May 2008, 1:07 pm

SotiCoto wrote:
Lets face it.... in our everyday lives, much as we might try to avoid it... chances are we're surrounded to some extent by the mundies... the neurotypicals... whatever you want to call those things.
In whatever small ways we have learned, we likely all have our social "coping mechanisms" that we can operate around the mundie mobs in order to diminish our own sense of inadequacy. We are, that is to say, moderately used to it...


But how often in person do we actually encounter other Aspergians and interact?
I've had it a few times, though not many. I've found more often than not there is somewhat of a silent understanding there..... but also a high tendency for conversations to descend aimlessly into bickering.

I figure though, if the actual topic of BEING aspergian and encountering other aspergians can be put aside and not be perpetually considered a novelty (look down this entire forum, for crud sake)... I have every reason to believe we can communicate far better with each other than we ever could with the mundies.... assuming a certain amount of leeway is given for differences in opinion.


i used to have a female friend who was aspergian, we used to talk non stop at times (we had similar interests), other times we would be really quiet and just be watching Stargate or x files. personally i think that we socialise differently than mundies rather than us being socially impaired, ive met many fellow aspies in my life time and we normally get long fine, some we never really talked much but like you said it was a kind of silent understanding.

for the most part i also tend to find teamwork easier with aspergian's aswell we just we would just exchange instructions and comply (now i think about aspie teamwork reminds me of robots :P) although their have been some exceptions. this is from my experience anyway.



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20 May 2008, 1:56 pm

Try support groups. If you are lucky you will be able to take one over from the "poor me" parents. That's what happened in mine. :)


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