Disclosing Your AS

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What are everyone's thoughts on disclosing that you have Asperger's syndrome in more social (i.e., not work or educational) contexts? For example, a neighbor came to my door a day or two ago to continue discussion of some neighborhood-related issues; it was 10 A.M. on a Saturday morning, and I had slept in and was still in my pajamas with hair unkempt. Not expecting anyone at the door and thinking it might be urgent, I went to the door anyway. Anyway I mumbled something about not really being dressed, and she handed me a letter and was probably as glad as I was to end that social encounter. (I tend to say peculiar or incoherent things when I have to express myself unexpectedly—for example, saying, "I'm not dressed..." when talking to a female acquaintance, which I soon became aware might have unintended implications I wasn't meaning to convey).

Anyway situations like this make me reconsider whether or not I should tell people I have Asperger's syndrome. I really don't want people to think I'm making excuses or looking for pity; worse, I don't want to be patronized or treated badly because I have "some mental condition." My past strategy of nondisclosure has led to a grand total of zero friends, so I guess it can't make things any worse. Maybe telling people would help them meet me halfway socially and give them an opportunity to become more informed about Asperger's syndrome (something they've probably never even heard of before) and the autistic spectrum as a whole (and that we're not all Rain Man).

It's pretty much a personal decison. I have decided to tell my intermediate family and close close friends when I get diagnosed.

Disclosing AS to anyone is pretty much equivalent to social suicide. Only disclose AS to people who tell you they know people with autism or have it in their family, etc. Don't tell anyone else because they will either avoid you or treat you worse than ever. The only positive outcome I've had telling anyone about AS is when a new friend told me her dad is a professor and works with autistic kids. Then she said she thought her ex has AS. I told her I have AS and she accepts me and even introduced me to her parents and they like me because I am autistic.

BTW- I told my neighbor I had AS and she now uses my being on the spectrum as a reason to correct me for everything I say she doesn't agree with.

I told some of my friends about it; It wasn't a big deal. Before I graduated, the teachers knew(school policies regarding students with anything different about them), and things went okay with them. Some teachers were great, but one in particular was a smarmy slimeball in general. He would single me out for special things, like answering questions for the homework, which I rarely did. Much to his annoyance, I found a way around it; I'd simply open my textbook, and do the question in my head when he asked. I'd look at the question, pretend to search a piece of paper, and then give the proper answer. It was a strange, but satisfying entertainment. Of course, he was normally a jerk anyways.

I have my own kind of criteria for who or when it's appropriate to tell someone that I have AS. A good rule of thumb is to tell people who you trust, who know you well, or that it would be best to tell them. Strangers, casual acquaintances, gossips, and obnoxious people, they don't need to know, and it's best they don't most of the time.

Everyone knows I'm Aspergian.

I'm one step short of getting a t-shirt printed with it pasted across the front.
I tend to parade it a lot.... just to let the mundies know I'm better than them.

It's proberbly not the best idea as people are totally clueless about AS.
Around here proberbly 19 out of 20 people have not even heard about the word AS as it's never on the news or anything.
The word autism is on the news once every blue moon so some people know what it is.
I used that for a while until i found out people expected you to be ret*d if you say you have authism.
I got reactions like how can you have authism when you are inteligent.
It's a hopeless cause trying to explain it to people, so i stopped trying.
Now people just think i'm someone who doesn't talk a whole lot, wich i guess is fine.

Maybe this is different in America where the subject has reached the news more.
However anything not normal, is usually considered a negative thing to the average person in my experience.

Maybe you could just tell people that you have some difficulties with social skills or something to that effect. That should be fairly easy for them to understand, without getting weird ideas. As you get to know someone, you could then disclose further, as you feel comfortable.

Yeah, maybe just saying you have social anxiety would be more understandable to the average person.

Well naturally. The mundie ego is astronomical... Perhaps I should say "human" ego, as I'm not much better in that respect.... but that isn't the point.
The point is that the mundanes will tend to think of anything that isn't normal as "inferior"... while ironically putting all their worth in pure weight of numbers.

And given that they're basically designated 100% of their worth to being no more than a statistic... I will tend to treat them as you'd treat any billionth of a thing: insignificant.

In other words.... anyone who treats me like a ret*d, I will treat like a ret*d in return.... AND I usually have the academic knowledge to make them feel like one too.

I'll just stay a closet Aspie, thank you.

I just try to maintain and secretly, silently deal with the hardships of my Aspie-ness.

I have been wondering the same thing. Because part of me really wants people to understand me better and not think I'm rude for not making small talk, or "strange" and "weird" like I tend to be labeled. Unfortunately, I've learned most of the time it's better not to say anything to people. Case in point, my husband told his 2 brothers when we first got together that I have a level of social anxiety disorder because I don't like going to parties, etc. (which they were constantly having social functions of some sort). After telling them, my sister-in-laws were horrible to me. One of them said I was using it as an excuse and that I shouldn't put that off on them... the other sister-in-law who is just a complete airhead and horribly rude to me because I don't want to go to her parties where they drink and smoke pot, when I told her to stop treating me like crap because of it ended up sending me flowers saying "sorry you're ill" (meaning mentally ill). So to be honest I was a little bit ticked off that my husband even told them because they wouldn't have retaliated at me with such hate. But then, they're just hateful anyway.

I think disclosure really depends on the receiver of that information, who you're disclosing to. Some people welcome the information and it ends up being a useful piece of information for further interactions. Others, it might not make much of a difference, or may make things worse.

Unfortunately, I haven't figured out the magic formula of disclosure and who is good, neutral, or bad to disclose to.

Perhaps at least, you could just apologize later and not mention the diagnosis but focus more on the social aspects: "I'm sorry about earlier if I seemed a bit strange, but I'm not exactly the greatest with social stuff and you kind of caught me off guard". Keep it friendly.

I told my immediate family - not all at once, but little by little over time. By immediate I mean husband, children (4). It went okay I guess. A few supportive, a few disbelievers.

I told my mom and sisters and they think it's ridiculous and won't even learn about AS. The funny part of that is how AS they actually are themselves. But they don't want to know.

I told a dirt world (real life) friend and she said it wasn't true, looked a bit horrified and then I think she decided I was making it all up and she stopped communicating with me entirely.

I've told some online friends in another group and they seem fine with it. One has determined that he is also AS after asking me about it, so that's a good thing.

I told my dentist - because I had to have work done and was freaked out beyond the norm. It was a wonderful experience! He sat and talked with me and it turns out that he's agorophobic and his wife is OCD - so he understood so much and was just wonderful to me. He worked with me by giving me a baby sized dose of Valium (which I'd never taken before) before the dental work, letting me get up and take a break when I needed to, and just being so calm and reassuring. I can't tell you how happy I am that we had that conversation. I was so afraid to let down my guard and admit it to him at first but I was so glad that I did!

I told my family doctor - he didn't know what it was and didn't sound like he cared. He always jokes with me and calls me "doc" and asks me what my diagnosis is when I come in, because I never come in without already researching what is wrong and what I need to fix it - then I ask him to get me the needed prescriptions. He seemed to like me alot before and has shown me some preferential treatment, and he has called me his genius before, so when I told him about AS he looked a little disappointed and a little distant. So maybe that wasn't a great thing in that case.

I told my eye doc and he made a noise sort of like a scoff. He didn't ask or want to know anything about it. But we had to change my contact prescription and I was very upset and off balance by being forced to try out these new lenses - very upsetting. He ignored that. I need a new eye doc.

All in all I do not tell most people. I feel that it makes them take a look at you from the side of pity or alarm, or they lump you into a category of mental illness right away. Some may have known you were odd but may have chalked it up to a kind of genius or just personality quirk or not thought about it alot but after you tell them they'll think you're sick or nuts in some cases.

Unfortunately there is no way of knowing ahead of time which ones will react great and be a big help to you and which ones will cause you grief for telling them.

My husband feels it's best to tell everyone - that way you're spreading awareness of AS and saying THIS is what Asperger's looks like so they'll have a positive frame of reference for when they hear about it again.

I believe that most people who meet me will think I'm a bit odd. No-one apart from my immediate family and my managers at work know about my AS. I fear that if the regular employees found out, I will be patronised or thought of as the 'token spaz' (not a nice term, but it's how people think).

I'm reticent online too, apart from my own pages, as if you mention it people dismiss it as 'just something you read about on the internet and you use it to make yourself better than others'. That's not nice either, but, again, it's how people think.

My personal opinion is that anyone can know that I'm an Aspie. It really doesn't bother me. I've worked out that if they come to the wrong conclusion about me, then that's their problem. Also the only people who's opinion bothers me are the people that I know fairly well, and they know me well enough that my AS doesn't matter. Everyone else is irrelevant.

Very mixed reactions from people. Teachers, doctors, social workers, close friends and family have all been fine. So have people from charities. General public, less so.