The Autistic/Not Autistic Debate
princesseli
Veteran
Joined: 7 Jan 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 512
Location: Honolulu HI/ Los Angeles CA
Well Im aspie and if I try hard I can act like a well socialable NT for like half an hour and then I recess to my aspieness. Since Im generally not seen as what people would consider mentally ret*d. Ive had a couple people tell me that they dont know what is wrong with me. One of them was my roommate and then later she just thinks the actions I do because of my aspieness and just simply because Im inconsiderate and rude.
I used to "tear up" quite often. If I thought of a certain person, or maybe a scene in a movie, or sometimes a bad situation. The bad situation one kinda throws me, I'll see a homeless lady, and think of the things that might have led her down this path, the hardships and stuff. I'll think of her possible kids, or the fact that she was once a kid with parents, all sorts of stuff. And then you'll see me tear up. I'm sitting at my laptop right now, typing this-and I'm tearing up. Not a sissy.
Thank you -JR I was afraid that I was the only one, I have often found myself trying to think up something tough so other people will not see me cry. Why don't other people have this problem with crying at certain things like you said.
This seems a lot like me. I don't cry much; I've never been a crier and I really don't know why. Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism. In any case, I am now learning to like the compassion in me that leads me to have an emotional response to situations like seeing a homeless person. It's a good, very human quality--probably the sign of a genuine heart opening up to and facing the pain there is in the world.
_________________
All the best to you,
Steve
--
"I can make it, I know I can.
You broke the boy in me, but you won't break the man."
--John Parr, "Man in Motion"
when people talk to me I have been told I should not have a diagnosis of Aspergers as I am so socially 'normal' and integrate 'normally' with neurotypical people as a rule.
HUH!! !! Aspergers people are SUPPOSED to be like that! THAT is why it took so long to notice, and why being bullied and socially inept seems so odd. If it were a simple action(like wierd uncontrolled "stims"), etc... we could AT LEAST understand it.
BTW, for what it is worth, I am the SAME way! I haven't been officially diagnosed, but I definitely DO have the same problems and history.
"We are who we are, and having to worry about whether or not we *really are* on the spectrum are not, is not something we should have to worry about."
This should be a quote on the homepage! BTW. very pleased to hear from people with similar issues, and people with different takes as well..I never thought this post would have so many replies! Thanks guys...
Closest I can come to being NT is most people will think I'm just shy...which used to be okay when I was a child, but now it's not as socially acceptable as it used to be. I'm expected to chat about grown up things like the weather and sports and fishing Of course, get me started on videogames or something, and I'll chat you up a storm in AS-typical fashion
I can act semi-NT around my GF, and that's about it I'll ask her how she's doing and how her day was, etc...but if I try that with anyone else, it comes out strained, very forced, and monosyllabic.
Then again, after she's done telling me about her day, I go right back into blabbering about my obsessions and whatever random things are on my mind
_________________
I'm looking for Someone to change my life. I'm looking for a Miracle in my life.
Wow, this all sounds so familiar -- especially right now, as I've been dealing with doctors and a therapist who are all convinced that I've got "emotional problems" -- which are actually all Aspie traits. They have been with me my entire life. Classic, classic Aspie in so many ways, that always got swept under the rug, 'cause Mom and Dad didn't want an 'abnormal' child. And they were/are on the spectrum too, so it all looked "normal" to them.
I've always had a lot of tactile issues -- simple touch = pain at varying levels -- so I learned early on that if I messed up, I'd get grabbed, which equated to being smacked. My parents weren't intentionally abusive, but my experience of contact with them was really heightened and much more extreme than they could have realized. My mom and dad are both hyposensitive, so they made more forceful contact, and me being hypersensitive... well, you get the picture.
Anyway, the net result was to end up with a pavlovian training that to step out of line was to get smacked around, so I learned early on not to step out of line.
I figured out how to interact with the world as a "normal" person -- it's actually pretty easy for me, when I fall back on my extended echolalic tendencies. I just pick out the most socially successful person in the room, and I pattern myself after them. Or, I just mirror the gestures and behaviors of the person I'm interacting with. Most people are so narcissistic and so hungry to be mirrored, they love it! So, I'm off the hook, I don't get penalized, and they get to feel affirmed and validated in the meantime.
Works out well for everyone... until I run into trouble and need to ask for help. Then, suddenly, I'm a fraud and a faker and an impostor. Two doctors in a row just wrote me off, because I couldn't answer their questions as quickly as they wanted to -- they didn't give me time to translate the visuals I was having into words. Nobody seems to have time for me/us. What's up with that? It's a bummer, too, because both of them were supposed to be interested in helping me.
But when I tell them I need help, they just look at me like I've got two heads and tell me it's all in my head, and imply that I shouldn't be taking time away from people who *really* need help.
How's that for a double-bind? Learn to adapt, and you get neglected/brushed off. Don't learn how to adapt, and you get punished and treated like a complete reject.
This really sucks.
So, I'm in the process of illustrating my issues to my therapist -- 50+ pages of detailed descriptions of my responses to the Adult Asperger's questionnaire Tony Attwood and company put together, along with a 200-page detailed description of one of my more autistic days.
Thankfully, I'll be getting a neuropsychological evaluation in another month or so. Can't happen soon enough -- I'm so over this navigating all the stormy seas of skeptical caregivers.
I could just use some answers that actually are in the same language that these "qualified professionals" speak. From one of their peers. So it's not just me hollering into the abyss...
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