I don't want to complain about an autistic child but

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Anemone
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22 Jul 2008, 9:33 pm

You know, as much as I generally don't agree with that Savage person, I kind of wonder if he has a point with respect to bad behaviour in public. People keep saying it's autism, but if I'd acted like that I could have gotten killed (at least I was afraid of being killed). Very easy to throw a child against the wall a bit too hard, and no more noise any more. So I was quiet.

Are autistic kids really impossible to discipline? I understand with Tourettes it's different. But come on. Get the kid a trampoline or something, wear him out. Make sure he knows he's out of line, and really mean it. But don't leave him making that kind of noise. That's just rude.



Triangular_Trees
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22 Jul 2008, 9:39 pm

Anemone wrote:
You know, as much as I generally don't agree with that Savage person, I kind of wonder if he has a point with respect to bad behaviour in public. People keep saying it's autism, but if I'd acted like that I could have gotten killed (at least I was afraid of being killed). Very easy to throw a child against the wall a bit too hard, and no more noise any more. So I was quiet.

Are autistic kids really impossible to discipline? I understand with Tourettes it's different. But come on. Get the kid a trampoline or something, wear him out. Make sure he knows he's out of line, and really mean it. But don't leave him making that kind of noise. That's just rude.


Hmm maybe I should buy him a snare drum (but one that is designed to be quiet) and then encourage his parents to give him music lessons so he can be a world famous drummer.

it does seem like he'd love playing the drums



beentheredonethat
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22 Jul 2008, 10:27 pm

Triangular_Trees wrote:
Anemone wrote:
You know, as much as I generally don't agree with that Savage person, I kind of wonder if he has a point with respect to bad behaviour in public. People keep saying it's autism, but if I'd acted like that I could have gotten killed (at least I was afraid of being killed). Very easy to throw a child against the wall a bit too hard, and no more noise any more. So I was quiet.

Are autistic kids really impossible to discipline? I understand with Tourettes it's different. But come on. Get the kid a trampoline or something, wear him out. Make sure he knows he's out of line, and really mean it. But don't leave him making that kind of noise. That's just rude.


Hmm maybe I should buy him a snare drum (but one that is designed to be quiet) and then encourage his parents to give him music lessons so he can be a world famous drummer.

it does seem like he'd love playing the drums

Ms. Trees:
I can well understand your need for quiet. I have a lap-top and a car charger for the very purpose of getting out of my own mad house. However, let's look at a couple of things. 1. The kid is on the spectrum. I'm not saying that excuses anything, but it should certainly mean you cut him a little more slack than you would cut an NT 6 year old. 2. The kid is 6. That's a noisy age. 3. I'm assuming you're an adult Aspi....so am I...but Age1600 has a point. Get something to block out the noise. It doesn't have to be music. It can be a white noise track. Yeah, it's annoying, but if you get those little ear buds in tight enough, you'll hear less of the outside world. I'm sure his parents have their hands full. Do they have a right to "inflict" him on the rest of the world?" Well.....I don't have a good answer for that. But maybe he needs a friend. Not an angry neighbor. Maybe his parents need a friend....not an angry neighbor. Maybe he's banging on the garbage can, not because he's on the spectrum and having a meltdown, but because there's something bothering him....something serious.....and he has no other outlet for his anger. I have no idea, but those are things you should look at too. And possibly if you take that approach, you'll get your paper in. And you'll make a new friend or two in the process.

good luck.

Beentheredonethat



Triangular_Trees
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22 Jul 2008, 10:41 pm

Quote:
Get something to block out the noise. It doesn't have to be music. It can be a white noise track. Yeah, it's annoying, but if you get those little ear buds in tight enough, you'll hear less of the outside world.



Don't be offended by the bold, i just don't want the importance of certain things lost in my wordiness

Hearing less won't help, because I can still hear it. As I said before anything other than absolute silence makes it impossible for me to do anything involving extreme concentration. White noise is just as bad as having no ear plugs or headphones while he's out there, and i can hear him through ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones anyway so they are of no use. I tried working with noise cancelling headphones and earplugs while he was out there - and I thought I was doing a great job of working, until I was able to read my work when I was quiet - thats when i had made all those ridiculous sentences, repeating thoughts, stopping midway through thoughts, suddenly changing direction. An 8 year old could write a better thesis than i can write while I can hear him. And I have straight A's in college, so his noise does create a drastic drop in my ability to work.

But this thread wasn't meant to be about his behavior nearly sabotaging my thesis, though that was nearly the case especially since for some reason he was out of school, and playing in the yard from morning to night every day, the week I took off work just so I could write the thesis when he was in school. I'm guessing he was either suspended or taking a leave from school because it was getting too frustrating for him. As I said earlier I've never complained about him banging on that garbage can. - aside from that one time when i was in meltdown mode myself and screamed something like "shut up." Even though it was the"fault" of his noise that i didn't have my thesis done before my seizures became so bad i couldn't work on it - I'd have had it done, proofread twice, and submitted for publication had I been able to work that week I planned on it, instead of ending up with a paper that was great until about page 45 then started making little to no sense at all for the final analysises and conclusion. But then too if I wasn't having seizures around that time, I would have felt good enough to drive to school at night, work on my paper without needing to take a break every hour, and use my lab pass where I'd be the only one allowed in a 5 story building so i wouldn't have been hearing him or anything else. I'm still not up to fixing my thesis so it can be publicized (shame because i had already submitted the abstract for a publication that would have come out this month) but the professor was kind enough to give me the grade she knew I would have earned had I been healthy, rather than let the last 12 pages of paper take me down to a bad grade. In fact i'll be co-publishing with her once i get well enough to do so



What this is about, is his repeatedly screaming in a way that sounds exactly like a cat in excruciating pain. And with all the cats around here, mine included, that sound is not something that should be ignored. Not to mention I don't trust the idiot neighbor down over the hill from intentionally harming the stray cats that used to stay in my yard all day until he moved in. Now they stay in an abandoned house in the opposite direction down the street. I doubt they would have moved "house" without reason, and the one who always slept on the porch has disappeared, though she was deaf, naturally crippled, and at least 5 years old so that might have been something natural. 5 years is a pretty long age for a stray cat with no shots to live, and this one clearly had some genetic defects - Her back legs were very short and didn't move , so she walked by sort of moving her "hips" from side to side. I always wanted to take her to the vet but I wasn't able to get close enough to pick her up (without either of us getting injured in the process).



Last edited by Triangular_Trees on 23 Jul 2008, 12:28 am, edited 5 times in total.

westernwild
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22 Jul 2008, 10:49 pm

pooftis wrote:
Mum2ASDboy wrote:
If it was my child doing that I would WANT to be told how it was affecting others. Tell them that when he makes that particular noise you are worried that it is a cat in pain, they won't know unless you telll them.
! !

I agree, you can say it in a non rude way, just make them aware of it so maybe they can help to have him distracted when you need to work on school work perhaps?


I second this. I respond much better when people approach me about my teenage aspie son in a civil, reasonable manner about something he's saying or doing that bugs or affects them, than when they get all huffy and angry or arrogant and judgmental and on their high horse. Of course, my biggest problem after that is getting my son to give a damn that he's bother us or someone else!!


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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22 Jul 2008, 11:22 pm

I think he should have a drum. When I was a kid all I wanted to do was play drums I loved the drums sooo much no one would indulge me though.

He should have a drum kit.

I went to this arcade recently and played a video game that had a drum pad and cymbal pads and I played drums to these disco songs and "Mickey"

Such fun!



Shelby
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23 Jul 2008, 2:28 am

I've never agreed with any kind of disabled or autistic kid being allowed to do whatever the hell they want because they are autistic. They need to stop their kid bothering people and redirect him into something more positive, like some of the suggestions here a proper drum kit.



westernwild
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23 Jul 2008, 9:00 am

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
I think he should have a drum. When I was a kid all I wanted to do was play drums I loved the drums sooo much no one would indulge me though.

He should have a drum kit.

I went to this arcade recently and played a video game that had a drum pad and cymbal pads and I played drums to these disco songs and "Mickey"

Such fun!


My aspie son LOVED drums almost from the very beginning; I got him his first drum at the age of one and he hasn't looked back since. He's now a drummer for his high school marching band. He loved to bang on things and make up rhythms, as a lot of aspie and autie kids do, so it was perfect. He's considered very talented by the band director and his drum teacher, and has a natural sense of rhythm.


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23 Jul 2008, 9:35 am

Maybe you could catch one of the parents outside, and talk to them then? Unless the boy is inside of a very, very secure fence I don't feel that he should be outside unsupervised like that in the first place. The parents need to be aware that his behavior is bothering others. If they were outside watching him they could stop the banging, but I'm not sure what could be done about the verbal stims. If he can follow directions, then maybe that could be an inside noise only. (I know that's so opposite of the usual.) Unless, they have their windows open, then that wouldn't even work. The only other thing that I can think of (if you get a chance to talk to the parents) is set up some kind of schedule for a few hours of quiet time each day where he has to stay inside, and work on your thesis during that time, and at night when he's inside.



Larree
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23 Jul 2008, 9:51 am

You have the right to peace and quiet in your own home, and you should not have to put up with that kind of infringement in your living space. Start out nice when voicing your concerns to the kid's parents, but show no mercy when it comes to your personal right to space. I would not put up with that for too long. I fight fire with fire. I LOVE the sound of electric guitars, and I would gladly open my window, aim my speaker at a noisey neighbor's window, and show them who is the god of noise!



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23 Jul 2008, 10:30 am

Triangular_Trees,
what are the windows and walls like? eg,are the windows single,double triple glazing-are they double but so crap they're no better than single,are the walls thin?

am know this is a big thing,but if are going to be living there for a while,it would be worth getting decent windows [plastic frame,not wooden] in-triple glazing would be better,and also get proper sound proofing installed in the home,or at least the room that spend most of the time in.
it may be possible that can get the windows and sound proofing done for free-if can get them to be seen as disability needs [just like a wheel chair,stair lift,lift,winch etc are disability needs for others],contact the social services for assessment.
am in the very slow process of getting both sound proofing and triple glazing windows put in-for free,as its against the DDA to not do this [am wonder if the ADA has the same sort of rules?] am think the council funds it here but they only do it a few times a year,am have heard of lots of different disability funds that people can apply for to get things they need.

am can also understand the incompatibility with other autistics as am have been through torture living with some,just because someone is autistic doesnt mean have to accept them if feel that bad--so dont think are bad just for thinking that way-both self and the boy might be autistic but both also have different needs-for both it cannot really be helped,self cannot help the problems with noise,and boy might not be able to hear his noise is hurting others,because he is only able to hear it his way,it takes a lot to get am to understand that some of the noises am do also affect others as well,not because am selfish but because am only hear the one version [own] and assume its all like that.
if it's that the boy doesnt understand it can affect others,he should be taught about it,in a nice way and shown examples of when there are things that affect him in a bad way-but others like it.


am dont think its fair that have to put up with the noise,but do not recommend calling the police like others have said,that will make things worse for both,also the police are there to deal with very nasty things,if the boy sees them he may automatically assume he has done something very bad,when he may not be able to help what he's doing.
am never think one person should be allowed to make life hell for another just because of disabilities,both should be helped and have needs listened to.


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23 Jul 2008, 10:58 am

Maybe it's me....go ahead and flame away.....but I find a good part of this thread to be an extremely sad commentary by a group of people who should know much better, having experienced some of this stuff from the other side first hand.

Sorry, but that's the way I feel.


Beentheredonethat



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23 Jul 2008, 11:30 am

beentheredonethat wrote:
Maybe it's me....go ahead and flame away.....but I find a good part of this thread to be an extremely sad commentary by a group of people who should know much better, having experienced some of this stuff from the other side first hand.

Sorry, but that's the way I feel.


Beentheredonethat


No, it's not just you. I feel the same way. I am very sad for both of my autie boys when I read some of the comments in this thread.

How many threads are on this whole site dedicated to how others bullied us, and tormented us? How many people here complain that adults joined in on the tormenting, just to "toughen" them up? The excuses for this abuse are usually similar. "If you wouldn't behave that way, people wouldn't treat you like that." Forcing this child to be something he isn't, and punishing him for being autistic isn't going help him. Scaring him, making loud sounds back at him isn't going to suddenly stop him from being different. It's not lack of discipline on his parent's part, it's the fact that he is in a world that wasn't made for him, and tolerance seems to be in short supply.

I think that there may be workable solutions to the problem, but treating a 6 y/o autistic child in an abusive manner isn't a very good one, nor is acting like the parent's are the cause of his behaviors.



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23 Jul 2008, 11:36 am

Okay, how about suggesting to the parents that if the child is going to scream, he do it into something like a pillow? Both sides get what they want.


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23 Jul 2008, 11:41 am

We know that he probably can't help it but what can be done, a future is rideing on there being quite, and me saying to scare them was not sereous I just thought it might be fun. Realy it sounds that the best I can say would be that either this kid has something else to do or another place to write is found, and I know that you might feel unable to speak to the parents about it and that finding another place to work is not plausable. It can be difficult being the way we are, I know that I would not talk to a stranger even if I was going to be disadvantaged by it, and I don't ;eave my house a lot and would not work well in a different enviroment. I know that sadly if I was in the same situation I would let myself become stressed and probably fail.


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