"extreme male syndrome" and eye contact

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this is an excerpt from the book Self-Made Man, by Norah Vincent. It has nothing to do with autism or aspergers, but this passage about the author's first experience dressed in male drag, along with a girlfriend dressed the same, got my attention.

"Mostly... we just walked through the Village scanning people's faces to see if anyone took a second or third look. But no one did. And that, oddly enough, was the thing that struck me the most about that evening. ...

I had lived in that neighborhood for years, walking its streets, where men lurk outside of bodegas, on stoops and in doorways much of the day. As a woman, you couldn't walk down those streets invisibly. You were an object of desire or at least semiprurient interest to the men who waited there, even if you weren't pretty - that, or you were just another p**** to be put in its place. Either way, their eyes followed you all the way up and down the street, never wavering, assserting their dominance as a matter of course. ...

But that night in drag, we walked by those same stoops and doorways nad bodegas. We walked by thosse same groups of men. Only this time they didnt' stare. On the contrary, when they met my eyes they looked away immediately and concertedly and never looked back. It was astounding, the difference, the respect they showed me by not looking at me, by purposely not staring.

That was it. That was what had annoyed me so much about meeting their gaze as a woman, not the disire, if that was ever there, but the disrespect, the entitlement. It was rude, and it was meant to be rude, and seeing those guys looking away deferentially when they thought I was male, I could validate in retrospect the true hostility of their former stares.

...There was something more than respect being communicated in their averted gaze, something subtler, less direct. It was more like a disinclination to show disrespect. For them, to look away was to decline a challenge, to adhere to a code of behavior that kept the peace among human males in certain spheres just as surely as it kept the peace and th epecking order among male animals. To look another male in the eye and hold his gaze is to invite conflict, either that or a homosexual encounter. ...

...I asked most of the men I knew whether I was right, and they agreed, adding usually that it wasn't something they thought about anymore, if they ever had. It was just somthing you learned or absorbed as a boy, and by the time you were a man, you did it without thinking."

bolding mine.

comments?

There used to be gang of boys / youngmen known as 'skinheads' / white power in our city. They would drive around and try to engage in eye contact with men driving other vehicles. If eye contact was made and held - it was all on. With the intention of having a fight, the skinheads car would follow the male person who was bold enough to hold their gaze -
Most people knew to look away fairly quickly.

Are you trying to say that aspies do this?
If they do, then they need help. I'm suspicious of anyone walking around late at night for no reason near my home. I give them a few glares, but that's a back-off sort of expression.

My point, I suppose, was to wonder in writing whether or not some sort of 'avoidance of eye-contact = respect' is hard-wired, and if so to wonder whether men have this more or less than women, and if aspies have it more or less than NTs.

This is basic body language common to humans and animals. Strong eye contact from strangers is usually interpreted by both humans and animals as a hostile gesture used to measure who is stronger or as an indication of sexual interest. If eye contact is held by both sides, the confrontation often escalates to physical violence.

Complete avoidance of eye contact is often an indication of AS, Social Phobia or low self confidence. I think a glance at someone's eyes is sufficient to express that your own sense of strength is reasonable and that you will not be an easy victim if hostility is threatened.

What a fascinating subject. I've thought about this a lot, seeing as how I have trouble making eye contact with other people.

I get the whole dominance-hostility thing, it's true in the animal kingdom as well, and yes, I think to some extent it's hardwired. That's actually a key difference for most Aspies though, we seem to be wired a little differently where eye contact is concerned. I for one find eye contact for more than a brief millisecond to be akin to actual physical contact. I wouldn't go up and start touching someone in order to initiate a conversation - I'm not particularly crazy about a handshake. To continually look at someone who's looking back feels much the same to me as physical groping. I'm uncomfortable sharing a bed with another person lest they roll over and touch me or just put off an uncomfortable level of body heat - surely they can keep their greasy sweaty eyes off me.

By the way it's an amazing book. But maybe I just feel that way 'cause I love cross dressing.
For me eye contact is one of the most intimate things one can do, so I only use it if I am really comfortable with someone, or if someone is pushing it on me.

Wow. That's a real downer for me. I've worked out that it's necessary to judge someone upon first glance when walking down a street for example, as if they're a lumpen and you give them more than the briefest look, you'll get a bit of abuse fired your way. But all the same, I didn't know it was hardwired. I really didn't. I guess that sounds ridiculously daft to some people here as some quirks seem to me, but I really never knew. It's a shame, as I'm quite fascinated in looking at people.

I'm sure that making/not making eye contact can be related to dominance dynamics, but in my case, I don't look at people if I have to really concentrate on what I'm saying.

The more important the thing I'm trying to convey, the less eye contact I make.

If I am looking at someone (especially if I don't know them), it's hard for me to think about what I'm talking about. I tend to lose my place.

If I don't look at people, it's easier for me to concentrate. And I can complete my thought.

This is true, when I'm dealing with people in professional/job situations.

It has nothing to do with domination, in my instance(s). It's all about what I'm thinking about at the time.