Do people think you're incapable and waiting for guidance?

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Sora
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01 Aug 2008, 2:00 pm

Do people say you appear like someone without the ability and will to think and who is just waiting for someone to tell you what to do?

People apparently think that of me all the time. Except the ones who know me or only know me only online who are aware of that I am very headstrong, stubborn and arrogant in some matters.

If people try to make me do something, I just don't do it. If they try to force me, I'll freak out at them badly. I have no qualms beating someone up who threatens me physically or threatens to beat me up if I don't do something. But it doesn't make them stop. They'll try again at a later time saying they won't fall for my acting as if I were stubborn. (I have been told exactly this!)

I'm not taken seriously until they're hurt in which case I'm declared as mentally unstable. A school tried that. Obviously, it doesn't work because I'm attested to be extremely stable by a shrink.

I don't even know what is looking about me as if I'm incapable and without a will or opinion. It seems to be very noticeable to all other people.

Does it frequently happen to anybody of you? Has it happened in the past?

Does anybody know why it happens?

I strongly suspect it has to do with my autism, because since I work on body language and all these social things, suddenly new people start to take me as serious, reliable and competent.


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ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Aug 2008, 2:10 pm

My one goal in life is for others to see me as the capable person that I know I am. I have been through a lot in life and all I want is for people to see me for my true self...a fully capable, intelligent individual who wants to contribute to society in a positive way.

Sora, I am not trying to distract from your topic but I was wondering if anyone reading this has any suggestions for me?



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Aug 2008, 2:12 pm

Sora,

It happens to me too. It happens because others see you for what you are not. I wish I knew a good way to change their minds or make a better first impression.



Sora
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01 Aug 2008, 2:27 pm

ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo wrote:
My one goal in life is for others to see me as the capable person that I know I am. I have been through a lot in life and all I want is for people to see me for my true self...a fully capable, intelligent individual who wants to contribute to society in a positive way.

Sora, I am not trying to distract from your topic but I was wondering if anyone reading this has any suggestions for me?


That's not distracted at all. You put that great, actually.

I also work hard for that people recognise me, see what all I can do.

My goal is a healthy level of authenticity in how people think I am and how I really am.

I know that probably not all people will like me, but that comes with authenticity and I am content and feel happy whenever I manage to make an authentic impression. (Though no doubt I enjoy being overestimated if it does not put me under pressure hihi)


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kclark
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01 Aug 2008, 2:35 pm

I have not had quite that experience.
But I have had several people tell me that I would have made a perfect soldier and that I needed to work on my initiative.
Looking at that from the opposite angle is like saying I am really good at waiting around until I am given an order. I then roll up my sleeves and get the job done.
So I guess it is the same thing, but from a more positive outlook.



Arbie
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01 Aug 2008, 2:44 pm

I often feel that I need to be told exactly what to do. When I have direct instructions I perform very well at any given task. It is when I am left to my own devices that I can get into trouble, or simply lag far behind.



MysteryFan3
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01 Aug 2008, 3:18 pm

Until I was in my 40s, people would tell me I should do this or that and ignore my opinions to the contrary. They wouldn't stop until I yelled at them, then I was labeled as mean. I figure they read something in my face or body language that told them I was confused, undecided or easily led by the nose. Some people are nasty enough to try physical force to take advantage of that. I ended up pulling a weapon (knife, club, claw hammer, etc.) on some people to make my point.


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yesec9
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28 Jun 2011, 3:22 pm

I struggle with this stuff all the time. I sit around at my job trying to think of things to do, and fail at doing so, until my boss actually tells me to do something with the right amount of detail, at which point I get done very quickly.



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28 Jun 2011, 7:42 pm

I get it a lot - but only from people who haven't known me for long - once people get to see me in action they fairly quickly seem to realise I'm actually not totally clueless. I've never been able to work out why people get the wrong initial impression either - I'm sure I don't act like a "Frank Spencer" or anything even close to it - but that's how most people seem to take me at first.


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Dae
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01 Jul 2011, 3:49 pm

It used to be the same for me like for MysteryFan3, when I was younger (my twenties, incidentally, like you). I'd be tending to my own business and, way too often, somebody would almost immediately become convinced I just couldn't continue one more minute without their input and guidance. I'd also often end up having to be stern or snippy before others would become convinced I'd made up my mind, already had my plans in place, was actually in control of relevant aspects, etc. ... Those experiences really gave me the impression that, as an Aspie, I wasn't demonstrating compentency/ability/confidence according to the systems/evaluations/perceptions of specific onlookers. I don't much experience it now and am, in fact, surprised when someone 'Emily Posts' me, as I call it. I think a main reason for it hardly happening now is that I've learned to identify the particular people as they prepare their unsolicited approaches to me - I 'head 'em off at the pass'. Deflecting their intentions before they can really begin to act on them includes almost anything...shifting my body away from them to convey a non-welcoming body 'language' message, choosing a different seat, leaving the room altogether, pretending to 'enter' an already-ongoing conversation, just becoming 'busy' with something else...and yes, guilty as charged, I've even used Sign Language to show I'm just not willing to enter into verbal interaction with them (this has also proved successful with those trying to panhandle me or those foisting off religious documents). Frankly, strangers have little business blurting out how I might best secure my bicycle, insisting that I smile when they're passing the other way on the sidewalk, or reminding me that the world isn't 'all rosy' when I'm smiling 'inappropriately', that I didn't need to have brought my umbrella to a bus stop, on and on and on. I understand we're no longer a society in which strangers simply greet each other with 'Good Morning' or 'Hello' and continue on their way, but how'd we skip the civil greetings and move on to bluntly 'counseling' one another? ...Anyway, this is definitely something I've looked at in terms of preventing more occurrences...I've found I'm almost always light years ahead of them in processing the things they felt they needed to make comments on and I don't really want much of their interruptions/interference. After all, I've never asked them 'Does this make my butt look fat?' lol


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nick007
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01 Jul 2011, 4:51 pm

I have the opposite problem. I have an extremely hard time making decisions & I'm not good at thinking for myself. I feel I'm incapable a lot & I want to be told what to do but lots assume I am capable so I don't have any guidance or anything so I screw lots of things up & people think I did it on purpose


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Arian
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01 Jul 2011, 4:57 pm

Happens to me all the time :). I just nod, smile and do exactly what I was going to do in the first place. Most people have got the message now :wink:


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