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liloleme
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21 Aug 2008, 10:27 am

This morning while driving my husband to work I noticed a spider on my dashboard. I freaked out like I usually do when I see a spider and told him to kill it. He took his time rolling up a news paper and the spider started to crawl towards me. I was screaming at him to kill it while it continued to crawl towards me. I was kind of blind due to fear after that but somehow I ended up on the side of the road with coffee all over me and trying to crawl across my husband to get out of the car. He finally killed the spider but was yelling at me that I could have killed us and it was just a little spider and bla bla bla. Im sorry but I told him to kill the damn spider....he knows Im terrified of spiders.
Sometimes I wonder why my husband puts up with me but I wish he would have been a bit more understanding this morning. I dont have that many irrational fears.
You guys understand, right?



Keith
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21 Aug 2008, 10:42 am

Panicking in a place like that can be dangerous. In an attempt to get yourself away from the situation you can inadvertently distract your husband and maybe cause him to swerve in a way that could be severe. If you find yourself in a situation similar to this, try and encourage him to stop and deal with it then.

I do understand this from both sides. I hate bugs flying around in my car, but I know if I do something wrong at the around 70 I could do something stupid by mistake.



pandd
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21 Aug 2008, 10:44 am

Yes I understand.

I understand why your husband was upset because it was a dangerous situation and it's good you see his point of view on that. However, there really is nothing you can do when this kind of panic sets in, and since your husband knows that you cannot handle spiders (I hate them too), it would have been helpful if he would have moved a bit faster to get rid of it, especially as you were driving at the time.

It's not as though the kind of reaction you are describing is voluntary. I think your husband can probably control how fast he kills the spider better than you can control an involuntary panic reaction.

It sounds like your husband is generally supportive which is good, but it can feel a bit unfair when people blame you for things you really cannot help, especially when they could have helped to avoid the situation.



Keith
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21 Aug 2008, 10:55 am

I thought your husband was driving - sorry

I think the rate of speed used may have been a way of ensuring the spider wasn't startled and jumped on you which I think may have been much worse



liloleme
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21 Aug 2008, 10:55 am

Keith wrote:
Panicking in a place like that can be dangerous. In an attempt to get yourself away from the situation you can inadvertently distract your husband and maybe cause him to swerve in a way that could be severe. If you find yourself in a situation similar to this, try and encourage him to stop and deal with it then.

I do understand this from both sides. I hate bugs flying around in my car, but I know if I do something wrong at the around 70 I could do something stupid by mistake.


Sorry if I didnt clarify....I was the one driving.



Magliabechi
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21 Aug 2008, 11:01 am

Liloleme,

Your post makes two things very clear;

That you have a serious phobia ( which by definition is not your fault and you cannot control it at will ), and that your husband does not have an adequate understanding of this. A phobia is the kind of instinctive fear that is strong enough to cause an accident, whether in an ASD person or a neurotypical person. It is not a question of you being foolish or irresponsible.

I suggest that you set aside a time for explaining the seriousness of this to your husband and tell him what help you need- go over it thoroughly and make sure that he genuinely understands and will remember.


Magliabechi.



Kirska
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21 Aug 2008, 11:02 am

I completely understand. If a roach was on my dashboard and started crawling towards me I'm 90% sure I'd cause a wreck. Either that or I'd get hit by oncoming traffic when I dive out of the door.


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DW_a_mom
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21 Aug 2008, 11:12 am

Having seen how my son gets when he has a panic attack yes, I understand.

There isn't anything rational about it, but it is still very, very real and totally out of his conscious control.


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grain-and-field
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21 Aug 2008, 11:14 am

liloleme wrote:
You guys understand, right?



yes dear, I totally understand. Your husband did not act in a appropriate way. The right move in a situation like this is to hit the spider very fast, before it causes this problems.

Look at lifeguards, they dont expect that the victim will cooperate with them.

In conclusion, your husband only gets 3 points out of 10 for handling this event.



patternist
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21 Aug 2008, 12:16 pm

Spider? Where? Where?! Where?! ! Kill it! Kill it! KILL IT!! !! !



patternist
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21 Aug 2008, 12:17 pm

Actually that ^^ is too coherent for what I actually say when I see a spider. It's usually something like Aiiiayaaarga!! !!



2ukenkerl
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21 Aug 2008, 12:25 pm

It might be worth while checking out the spiders in your area. MOST are generally pretty harmless, and maybe even good and funny. Of ALL the things to be afraid of. :? Frankly, when I was young I didn't mind bugs as much as I mind them now, and a fly or roach is about the only thing I REALLY DO NOT LIKE! Even THEY will just be killed by me, if given the chance.

I pity the poor creature that comes into my home. Spiders seem to do ok, but they still miss a few flies that may come in every couple years, and they just die on my window sill from starvation(I'm not home enough to even give them a tiny chance at a spec of food)! They are stupid enough to come in, but smart enough to realize that MAYBE the light, coming through the closed window, indicates the path to freedom! OK, maybe I don't "PITY" them, but oh well...

Anyway, where I live, the brown recluse(that can cause necrosis) and the black widow(well known for it's poison) are perhaps the only real ones to be concerned about.



Sora
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21 Aug 2008, 12:36 pm

I do not personally understand it, but I know (having witnessed it) that such extreme fears, phobias, exist and I respect all the anxiety and fear-stuff of others a lot.

It's not your fault that it got so out of hand. Your husband shouldn't have taken so much time and should take you a lot more seriously in your fear. That didn't sound like that good of a team work, you might want to talk about it with him. Explain your fear throughout, ask him for what he fears to make mutual comparisons and so on...

From my experience, most people don't taken phobias of others seriously. Not because they try to be mean or ignorant intentionally. It might be hard to understand, I think. Unless 2 people fear the exact same.

Even 2 people with phobias about different things can be unintentionally very ignorant of each other's object of fear.


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Eggman
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21 Aug 2008, 1:32 pm

Poor spider.



SabbraCadabra
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21 Aug 2008, 1:33 pm

That's one of my biggest fears, that one day I'll be driving alone, and a spider will find its way towards me :x :x :x

One time I was riding a minibike through the woods, and I accidentally drove right through a spiderweb, and got one on me...I freaked out, and wiped out...ended up burning my leg on the tailpipe, but I got that sucker off me :x Unfortunately, that's a lot more difficult, and a lot more dangerous to do in a car...I have no idea what I'd do.

I usually try to do a quick spider sweep before I get in.


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