What social cues do you tend to miss?

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Greentea
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02 Sep 2008, 10:09 am

For those of you who, like me, keep trying to socialize and want friends but encounter mostly rejection: are you aware of any areas of difficulty (in getting social cues) that repeat themselves in your interactions and that are causing the problem? I'm not, by the way. I'm only aware that I miss the cue when something is actually allowed nonverbally in spite of it being forbidden explicitly (verbally).


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Keith
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02 Sep 2008, 10:12 am

If I know what I miss, then I wouldn't need to post here so I wouldn't miss the social clues



IRWEASEL
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02 Sep 2008, 12:00 pm

I don't think I miss anything, I just seem to not pick up stuff as fast as an NT, My brain works slightly slower at proccesing stuff I guess.



poopylungstuffing
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02 Sep 2008, 12:34 pm

I really can't put my finger on it.
Some sorta subtext...

Like someone above said..if I knew what it was I wouldn't be missing it...



Jaysonlee4
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02 Sep 2008, 12:41 pm

i dont know. like the first person that replied here if I did know then I wouldnt have the problem?? or maybe i would because even if I knew I wouldnt remember when I needed to?? who knows.


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anna-banana
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02 Sep 2008, 1:59 pm

I know for certain (some people were kind enough to point it out to me ) that I miss when it's my time to say something about myself. I can't count enough how many times people that I tried to have a casual conversatin with ended up saying something like "is that an interrogation or what?" or just going away because I didn't get that its my turn to say something...

it's difficult to tell like, I remember reading somewhere that people like to talk about themselves so if you wanna make friends you should try to find out something about them. that ended up for me looking like I'm interrogating people cause I thought that was what they expected.

in case of good advice I can tell you it only works so far, it's better to stop after 3-4 questions or else they start feeling weird about you, that's pretty much the best lesson I learned as far as socialising goes and I stick to it.



shopaholic
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02 Sep 2008, 2:08 pm

Knowing what the other person expects me to say or do. To me I'm acting "normally", but to them, something is off.

I don't know how to initiate conversations, I don't do the smalltalk thing - well occasionally I remember, but it just seems so ridiculous to ask someone how they are when I only saw them yesterday/last week!



Ryn
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02 Sep 2008, 2:16 pm

As others have said, I'm not sure exactly what I'm missing, though I do know of some problem areas. I do notice that I'm uncertain when it's appropriate to have silence after a conversation and whenm it is not. Personally I can only think of a handful of instances where a silence might be awkward, but to other people I've heard that it's often troubling. I've also noticed that I interrupt people accidentally because I believe they're finished talking, and this happens quite a bit.


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anna-banana
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02 Sep 2008, 2:18 pm

[quote="Ryn"
I've also noticed that I interrupt people accidentally because I believe they're finished talking, and this happens quite a bit.[/quote]

happens all the time, especially on the phone ;p



AGMorehouse
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02 Sep 2008, 2:30 pm

Happens a lot- people look down when they are not interested kind of thing.


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Aurore
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02 Sep 2008, 3:32 pm

I can't tell when they're not interested or when to stop talking.
I also can't tell the difference between someone feeling depressed and someone being frustrated with me.


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Angnix
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02 Sep 2008, 3:45 pm

When to jump in on a conversation. I'll be with a large group of people and they all cluster into smaller groups to talk, I don't know which group to join or how to join in very well, so I end up sitting by myself in the corner. Does this sound Aspie?


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ghouna
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02 Sep 2008, 3:52 pm

I don t when to stop talking.
Also i took a course last year about childcare. I was teasing a lot my tutor without realising it. I am not english. Spelling is important for me in french. and when i saw my tutor spelling wrongly some words, i started teasing her.. I never realised that she was getting upset.
Last january, she told me that i am very hurtful when i talk, that i should be more careful, that i am very stubborn (well, i had obsession about spelling for example, and i needed it to be perfect. and was always trying to correct her, and never leave it, until i could see that on the whiteboard everything was perfect) (funny thing, my spelling is not good when i write with a computer)

SO now, i need to work on that, know when i upset people, know when i should stop talking... But how?


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anna-banana
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02 Sep 2008, 3:55 pm

ghouna wrote:
(well, i had obsession about spelling for example, and i needed it to be perfect. and was always trying to correct her, and never leave it, until i could see that on the whiteboard everything was perfect)


LOL that sounds very familiar, I always correct everyone with it, when I hear someone on the tv or radio saying something wrong I cover my ears and go all bleeeeaaaaah which all my friends find extremely funny.

I make language mistakes all the time but it's not irritating when I do it ;p



ghouna
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02 Sep 2008, 3:59 pm

Yes my mistakes are ok! ;p i've got a terrible handwriting, but my spelling is good. When i dont know a word, i started to stress a lot until i found out the right way to write it.
I love to correct people¬ :D


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liloleme
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02 Sep 2008, 4:11 pm

I have no idea what I miss until someone points it out to me. Apparently I miss that Im making people angry or that Im being insulting. I usually cant tell that people are getting really angry until they scream at me...I keep pushing and pushing to get my point across. Then it scares the hell out of me when they do yell at me. Also when I was in school and sometimes now Im not sure that people are interested in me or that they even like me unless they come out and say so point blank. I either ignore body language and facial expressions or I just cant read them....we havent figured out which yet.